A Not so Simple Wish
by Ebiris
Summary: Ranma wishes to be free of the nyannichuan curse, but cursed objects never make things too simple. Now a permanantly female Ranma is stuck in a world where Ranma was never cursed, and the only way to return home (fully cured) is to win Ranma-kun's love.
1. 0 to 5

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.   
A Not so Simple Wish  
by Ebiris  
  
Prologue  
  
Ranma giddily held the ancient Chinese artifact aloft, it was all he could do not to release an   
out of character (but very cathartic) maniacal laugh. "I, Ranma Saotome, wish to be free of   
the curse of Nyannichuan!" He yelled triumphantly, cheerfully thinking of finally being   
normal again.  
  
"Silly customer, Mystic Urn of Xiawang no grant wishes until you pay for it." Said the   
elderly proprieter of 'Honest Wong's Magical Chinese Shoppe'.  
  
"Oh... right..." Ranma blushed as he put the urn back on the counter and started rifling   
through his pockets "Sorry about that, just got carried away for a moment there." He   
chuckled good naturedly before handing over ten thousand yen.  
  
"And your change." Wong smiled genially as he handed a five yen coin to Ranma.  
  
Ranma was about to lift up the urn and make his wish when he suddenly realised what was   
about to happen. Obviously now that he had the solution to his greatest problems, Ryouga   
would burst in and attack him for forgetting to leave the toilet seat down for Akane or   
something. Carefully placing the urn on the ground next to the counter where it would   
hopefully appear inconspicous, he made a show of looking around before theatrically   
announcing "Boy, I sure hope-"  
  
He was cut off as the wall exploded inwards "Ranma!!" An enraged sometimes pig bellowed   
"How dare you inconvienience Akane-san like that! Prepare to die!"  
  
Ranma grinned as he set about demolishing pig boy, and incidentally the shop they were in.   
Before long, Ryouga was out cold from a few thousand punches delivered in a few seconds.   
All in all, it was quite a stunning display of martial arts skill.  
  
'Honest Wong' however was less than impressed at seeing his shop full of irreplaceable   
mystic Chinese junk being wrecked. A frown creased the stately old mans face as he decided   
that such impudence would have to be punished. It was a fairly simply matter to pick up the   
urn and flick the hidden switch on the bottom which would ensure it only gave out cursed   
wishes. "Take urn and go. Never darken my shop again." He announced as he gave Ranma   
the discount priced dispenser of wishes.  
  
Ranma, being his usual self, failed to notice the shopkeeper's ire as he took hold of the urn   
and cried out his wish to the heavens.  
  
Reality shifted.  
  
***  
  
Ranma blinked several times to get the blurriness out of his vision. "What the hell?" He   
remarked on seeing that he was currently in a girls bedroom. Judging from the decor he half   
expected Azusa Shiratori to burst in at any moment and start naming the various knick   
nacks or whatever the hell that kind of cute crap is called.  
  
This was promptly followed by the realisation that 'his' voice was several octaves higher than   
would be expected for a 'manly man'. "Hey! I'm a girl!" Ranma cried out, noticing her   
breasts jutting perkily out as breasts tended to do. She also appeared to be wearing   
Doraemon pajama's, although that didn't really bother Ranma since she considered it to be a   
fairly unisex anime, even if Nabiki always said it was just for little kids. Besides, despite   
being a cat, the talking blue robot with no ears was about as far from feline as you could get.  
  
"Hello." A voice came from behind her, judging from how close it sounded, someone was   
severely violating her personal space. Being a martial artist trained practically from birth to   
be a living weapon, Ranma reacted instantly.  
  
"Eeeek!" She shrieked before leaping away and turning to face the intruder. Mere   
microseconds later, rationalisation kicked in and Ranma realised that she had only shrieked   
like a girl in order to lull the intruder into a false sense of security. Yeah, that's the ticket!  
  
"Oh, pardon me, I did not mean to startle you." The man said in a cheerful tone that   
indicated he really didn't care.  
  
"Who the hell are you?! What the hell's going on?" Ranma demanded, her voice laced with   
genuine panic. This wish was going way off track!  
  
The man bowed with a flourish "Why, I am Xiawang, of course." He announced as if it were   
the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
Ranma eyed him mistrustfully "Why do you look like Xellos from Slayers then?"  
  
"Hmmm...." Xiawang put a finger to his mouth in contemplation "It could be..."  
  
"Yes?" In spite of herself, Ranma leaned in closer to hear the answer.  
  
"A secret!" He finished brightly.  
  
Ranma groaned as she picked herself up from the floor "I guess I asked for that." She   
muttered.  
  
"Yes, you did. And that's not all you asked for." Xiawang said cheerfully.  
  
In a flash Ranma had the man by the throat "Yeah, what the hell happened to my wish?!"   
She demanded.  
  
"Ah, well it seems I was supposed to give you a cursed wish, so you can't expect things to go   
too smoothly. The path of a martial artist is fraught with peril and all that." Xiawang tried   
unsuccessfully to placate her.  
  
"Well why the heck am I a..." Ranma trailed off, a look of dawning horror starting to creep   
over her features "You locked it didn't you! I'm stuck as a girl!" She started shaking him   
back and forth violently "That's not what I meant! I said 'free of the curse of Nyannichuan'! I   
can't be a girl!" She wailed.  
  
Xiawang disengaged himself from the distraught former boy and smoothed the creases in his   
outfit "Well, that's what happens when you make a wish on a cursed object, but I did fulfill   
the wish actually. Ranma Saotome has just finished training at Jusenkyo, and he was not   
cursed."  
  
"What are you babbling about?" Ranma demanded, despite the fact that she was doing most   
of the babbling herself.  
  
"You," He pointed dramatically at the redhead "Are the curse of Nyannichuan that Ranma   
has been freed of. However, rather than just dumping you in an unfriendly world with   
nothing more than the clothes on your back, I have been nice enough to provide you with a   
home, and a chance to regain what you lost."  
  
"This is my home?" Ranma surveyed her surroundings with an expression of extreme   
distaste.  
  
"Yes. You are now Ranko Xiawang, student at Furinkan High school, your parents recently   
died and left a generous inheritance which should last you until you finish university if you   
are careful about your spending. At a young age you were briefly trained by Happosai,   
giving you the right to practice Anything Goes, but you have never demonstrated any   
aptitude or interest in the martial arts before now."  
  
"Hey! I'm Ranma Saotome!" Ranma exclaimed angrilly.  
  
"No, Ranma Saotome is currently in China finishing off the last leg of his training journey.   
You are not him anymore." Xiawang said forcefully.  
  
"Well, why are you giving me all this stuff? Apart from being stuck as a girl, this life sounds   
better than what I had before." Ranma commented, visions of a life free of unwanted fiances   
flittering through her head. She abruptly shook the thought off, nothing was worth being   
stuck as a girl!  
  
Xiawang casually buffed his nails on his shirt "I provide a full service wish. Besides,   
rewriting history to my whims is fun." He smiled cheerfully.  
  
"Well I don't care!" Ranma announced hotly, hands on her hips in a pose of righteous   
feminine indignation "Undo it! I don't wanna be stuck as a girl while some other guy gets to   
be Ranma."  
  
"Tut tut." Xiawang admonished her, waggling a finger in a reproving manner "Things aren't   
that simple with cursed wishes. I said you have a chance to regain what was lost, in fact if   
you succeed you will be permenantly male and I'll even put you back in that magic shop as   
if all this never happened."  
  
"What do I gotta do?" Ranma asked, just knowing that the answer would somehow displease   
her.  
  
Xiawang hmmed and looked thoughtful "Tell me, are you familiar with the fairy tale   
'Beauty and the Beast'?"  
  
"Never heard of it."  
  
"Oh, well the long and the short of it is; a handsome prince is cursed to turn into a hideous   
beast - much like that Pantyhose fellow, only permanent - and the only way to break the   
curse is to have a woman fall in love with him. But of course, who could love a beast? And   
therein lies the dilemma."  
  
"So I haveta make some guy fall in love with me?" Ranma clarified, a disgusted expression   
on her face. "I don't like it, but I guess it ain't hard, all those perverts used to hit on me when   
they knew I was a guy, if I'm a... urk... *real*... girl, then it shouldn't be too hard. I guess."  
  
"Oh no, that would be far too simple. No, you have to make a specific person fall in love   
with you." By now Xiawang's everpresent smile was threatening to expand across his entire   
face.  
  
"Who?" That single sylable contained more venom than Ranma had ever put into any word   
before in her entire life.  
  
"Why, Ranma Saotome of course!"  
  
***  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"What?!" Ranma shrieked. "I have to make myself fall in love with me?"  
  
"Yes." Xiawang seemed to be enjoying himself immensely "If he were to give you a kiss of   
true love *snicker* then it proves he has accepted the Nyannichuan curse - that being you -   
and then I'll return you to that magic shop, as a 100% male Ranma. Or you can forget about   
it and live the rest of your life as Ranko Xiawang, it's entirely your choice."  
  
A battle aura began to shimmer around Ranma, looking somehow incongrous with her cute   
Doraemon pajamas. "Ranma Saotome... er... I mean Ranko Xiawang doesn't lose! I'll just   
buy one of those koi rods and make him fall in love with me!" She announced, the fires of   
determination burning brightly in her eyes.  
  
"Oh, that won't do at all." Xiawang commented in a shocked tone "It has to be genuine true   
love, it doesn't count if you use magic."  
  
"Well pooh." Ranko sat on her bed and crossed her arms huffily "I can still do it easy, after   
all, I know myself better than anyone! I just have to become my own perfect woman!"  
  
Xiawang patted her on the head in an approving manner "That's the spirit! Well, I must be   
off then. Good luck, you won't see me again unless you succeed in winning the love of   
Ranma Saotome." He gave a jaunty wave and promptly disappeared.  
  
"This sucks." Ranko pouted as she got up and set about exploring her new home. She swiftly   
found there was not much to explore, it being a two room apartment. The kitchenette seemed   
well stocked, so she brewed up some tea and sat herself at the kotatsu as she considered what   
she was going to do.  
  
"If Ranma is at Jusenkyo now, then it should be just under a month before he arrives in   
Nerima... But if he isn't cursed, won't Shampoo give him the kiss of marriage?" She tried to   
figure out how things would go if that happened. She remembered recieving the kiss of death   
herself, at a time when she was at her lowest ebb due to the curse. That kiss seemed to wash   
all those problems away though, and Ranma had been prepared to pledge his undying love to   
the Amazon right there and then. A month of travelling across China being hunted like an   
animal had pretty much ruined Shampoo's chances of ever getting together with Ranma   
though.  
  
It was a similar situation with Akane, when she had initially offered friendship, Ranma had   
been ecstatic. Being called a pervert and smashed over the head with a table had done a good   
job of ruining that though. Shampoo and Akane had both destroyed Ranma's willingness to   
offer his heart to anyone at a time when he was very vulnerable.  
  
But an uncursed Ranma is a very different story. He wouldn't be anywhere near as sensitive   
about his manhood, nor would he be so desperate for affection. That could make things a   
little more difficult for Ranko. On the other hand, the curse had also very thoroughly   
desensitised Ranma to girls - it's pretty hard to be impressed with a girl's looks when you   
only need a splash of cold water to get a cute girl all to yourself.  
  
Ranko snorted. "At least I've got an advantage there, I'm way cuter than any of the fiances."   
She muttered inbetween sipping her tea.   
  
A look at the clock revealed it was nearly eight o clock in the morning. "What day is it?" she   
wondered before remembering the Wedding Peach calender in her room. "I'm gonna have to   
redecorate." She promised herself as she went to check the day. It was Saturday. "Guess I'd   
best get ready for school." She huffed before donning a Furinkan girls uniform from her   
closet.  
  
***  
  
Ranko arrived early for school and saw a fair number of students were milling about the   
grounds, but there was a telling lack of sports equipment clad boys working themselves into   
a hormone crazed frenzy. "Looks like Kuno hasn't made that speech yet." She mused before   
heading into the main building.  
  
Upon entering room 1-F she surreptitously checked the seating chart to find her place; a   
window seat just behind Akane's friend Yuka. A few other students had also arrived early   
and were clustered around desks chatting amiably, but Ranko was completely ignored as she   
made her way to her seat.  
  
It was a trend which was maintained throughout the day as Ranko discovered she seemed to   
be on the same social level as Gosunkugi. It was actually a refreshing change from the days   
when she couldn't break wind without the whole school talking about it and Nabiki setting   
up some dumb betting pool on the subject. Besides, it would have been very annoying if the   
boys did consider her 'dateable material' - after all, she had to save herself for Ranma *yech*.  
  
Pretty soon school ended, it being a Saturday she now had the whole afternoon to herself.   
She was just leaving the building when she spotted an altercation forming.  
  
"For the last time Kuno, leave me alone!" An irate tomboy yelled. Akane was starting to put   
out all the visual cues that Ranko knew indicated severe pain was in the immediate future   
for whomever had upset her.  
  
"But Akane Tendou, it is written in the stars that our love be true! Only such a fierce tigress   
as yourself can be worthy of the Shooting Star of Furinkan High, let us date!" Her would be   
suitor professed as he lunged at her for a hug/grope.  
  
Ranko snorted in disgust as Kuno was belted across the grounds and smashed into the school   
building near her. She was pleased to note that Kuno didn't even acknowledge her presence   
as she walked past, when in the past a massive head trauma would never keep him from his   
pig tailed girl. "Just hope it stays that way..." She mumbled, suspecting that once she started   
making her play for Ranma her desireability among the males of Furinkan would shoot up   
just as the universe's way of spiteing her.  
  
She returned to her apartment without incident and swiftly disrobed the ugly Furinkan girls   
uniform. A quick survey of her closet for some decent casual clothes was rather depressing,   
as all she had were a couple of plain skirts and blouses, two frilly (and ugly) dresses and a   
yukata that appeared to be several sizes too small. Further exploration of her drawers   
eventually turned up a pair of grey cotton sweat pants, which she wore along with a yellow   
blouse. Her underwear was all of a simple utilitarian style, which Ranko approved heartily   
of - she only had to kiss Ranma before things got back to normal, so fancy lingerie was not   
going to be needed.  
  
"Time for some clothes shopping I think." Ranko commented to herself, eager to get a better   
wardrobe for herself, since even her old collection of female disguise clothes was superior to   
what she had now. Of course, she wasn't going to purchase any really feminine garments,   
she'd just buy Chinese style clothes similar to what she used to wear.  
  
It was with that thought in mind that she was about to leave her apartment when an   
important realisation struck her "Wait a minute! How the heck will I win Ranma's love if   
I'm some wierd cross-dressin' tomboy?" She then proceeded to spend several minutes cursing   
and kicking various inanimate objects around the room. Much as she hated wearing   
feminine clothes herself, she definitely preferred girls that dressed properly, so she would   
have to dress nicely from now on.  
  
Further contemplation opened up another avenue that would work things to her advantage   
"Heh, I can kill two birds with one stone." she smirked. She could get someone to help her   
pick out nice clothes, and get a counter for the fact that pop would be pushing Ranma to   
marry a Tendou.  
  
***  
  
Ranko stood outside the Saotome residence, dressed in a brand new kimono adorned with an   
orchid motif. She had also restyled her hair to let it hang loose and applied a small amount of   
makeup. All in all, she was the very picture of decorum and grace.  
  
"Man this sucks." She groused, fighting the urge to wipe her face clean of makeup. She took   
a deep breath before steeling herself and marching up to ring the doorbell. She had to   
restrain herself from fidgeting nervously as she waited for Nodoka to arrive.  
  
A few seconds later, Nodoka Saotome opened the door and smiled at her guest "Hello young   
lady, is there something I can do for you?" She asked, thinking approvingly of how well   
turned out the girl was.  
  
"Yes, Saotome-san," Ranko began, bowing formally to the older woman "My name is   
Ranko Xiawang. I am looking for Genma Saotome."  
  
"Oh..." Nodoka seemed to visibly wilt "You're not a bill collector are you?"  
  
It was all Ranko could to to keep the grimace from her face. Damn you pop! She was   
furious at her father, guessing correctly that Nodoka had been forced to deal with Genma's   
screwups many times before. "No, I am not a bill collector, Saotome-san, but I am a   
practitioner of Anything Goes and wished to meet a master of the school."  
  
Nodoka perked up a little at that, but was still rather subdued "I am afraid my husband left   
on training trip with our son ten years ago. The last letter I recieved from him indicated they   
were in China."  
  
An opening! "You have a son?" She asked, with just the right amount of interest.  
  
"Oh, yes." Nodoka nodded happily before giving Ranko a speculative look "I'd imagine he's   
about your age Ranko-chan."  
  
"Really?" Ranko paused for a moment as if considering something, when in reality she had   
this conversation already planned out "Pardon me for saying so, but you must be lonely   
without your family. Perhaps you would like to talk?"  
  
Nodoka beamed. Such a considerate and well mannered girl "I'd enjoy the company, Ranko-  
chan. Why don't you come in?" She stepped back and waved the younger girl inside.  
  
"Thankyou, Saotome-san." Ranko smiled demurely as she enter the house and slipped off   
her geta.  
  
"Now, now. You can call me auntie." Nodoka admonished gently.  
  
***  
  
"And here's Ranma when he was three." Nodoka thrust another photo under Ranko's nose   
"He was such a rambunctious little boy then, always running around naked like that" She   
chuckled merrily.  
  
Ranko choked back a sob, it was all she could to to not rip the photo (and all the others with   
similarly nude chibi-Ranmas) to pieces and destroy such embarrasing evidence. Still, by   
keeping her eyes on the long term goal she was able to control her initial reaction. "Oooh,   
he's such a cute little boy!" She squealed with girlish glee "I bet he's really handsome now."  
  
"I'm sure he is." Agreed Nodoka before pressing onto a topic she'd been wondering about for   
a while "Tell me Ranko-chan, do you have a boyfriend?"  
  
"No." Ranko said glumly, affecting a depressed pout.  
  
"Why ever not? A pretty young girl like yourself should have the boys flocking to her!"  
  
"It's because I'm a martial artist." Ranko explained "Even though I try to be feminine and   
nice, most guys are intimidated by me." She sighed forlornly in the manner lovestruck girls   
have done throughout the ages "I just wish I could find some handsome, manly man who   
practices martial arts and isn't afraid of a strong woman." It was a struggle not to choke on   
the 'manly' part.  
  
Nodoka got a gleam in her eye. Ranko had impressed her tremendously, being a friendly and   
attentive listener for Nodoka to pour out her troubles on, had impeccable manners (Ranko   
had made good use of what she learned from martial arts tea ceremony) and seemed to have   
a good head on her shoulders. Her interest in martial arts would make her very compatible   
with Ranma, and it didn't hurt that she was very pretty - the grandchildren would be   
beautiful! "Well Ranko," She began "dearest said that he would take Ranma away for ten   
years, and I am actually expecting them back within a few weeks. Perhaps you and Ranma   
could get to know one another? I'm sure my son will be a master of Anything Goes himself   
by now."  
  
"Really?" Ranko's eyes seemed to shimmer as she held her clenched fists under her chin in a   
standard 'cute girl' pose that was normally used for scamming free food "I'm so happy!"  
  
Nodoka smiled beatifically; her son would be so happy that his mother had found such a   
wonderful girl for him "Ranko-chan, would your parents be averse to setting up an omai?"  
  
Ranko deflated slightly "My parents recently passed away." She said sombrely.  
  
"Oh Ranko-chan! I'm so sorry!" Nodoka embraced the young girl in a comforting hug "Here   
you've listened to me complain about missing my family when you've so recently lost your   
own."  
  
"Th...That's alright auntie." Ranko sniffed, crying tears of happiness just at being able to be   
held by her mother like this, though Nodoka misinterpreted the reason for her tears and   
made soothing noises as she held Ranko and encouraged her to let it all out.  
  
After a few moments Ranko pulled away and Nodoka offered her a tissue. "I'm sorry   
auntie," Ranko began as she cleaned herself up "I didn't mean to break down like that."  
  
"That's alright dear." Nodoka said, feeling her maternal instincts rising to the surface for this   
poor orphan "We all have to let our feelings out from time to time."  
  
Ranko spent a few minutes trying to regain her centre, having been caught off guard by the   
upsurge of feelings caused by a simple hug. Once she calmed down a little she blamed it on   
female hormones and tried to forget it, even if did feel really nice. "Um..." She twiddled her   
index fingers nervously "If you're giving me permission to marry your son... can I call you   
mother?"  
  
Nodoka's smile rivaled the sun "I would be honoured, Ranko-chan."  
  
***  
  
Chapter 2  
  
After spending the previous day shopping with Nodoka, Ranko now stood outside the   
Tendou dojo wearing an outfit she had purchased after parting ways with her mother. It was   
a kunoichi outfit similar to what Konatsu would normally wear when not waitressing at   
Ucchan's (although it rather galled Ranko that she didn't look as good in it as the   
crossdressing ninja would). But instead of traditional ninja black, her outfit was a   
purple/maroon colour just like Happosai's gi.  
  
Following the instructions on the sign in front of the dojo, Ranko went to the rear entrance to   
issue her challenge, silently wondering why the heck no one else ever bothered to follow that   
simple courtesy in the entire time she had lived with the Tendous.  
  
"I have come to challenge for the sign of the Tendou dojo." She announced boldly as she   
entered the dojo.  
  
"Oh my, a challenger? Wait here and I'll get father." Kasumi, who had been sweeping the   
dojo of cement from Akane's practice said before walking into the house. A moment later she   
returned with the rest of her family.  
  
"What's this? You wish to challenge the Tendou school of Anything Goes martial arts?"   
Soun asked, putting up a very convincing stern front.  
  
Ranko folded her arms and adopted a haughty demeanour "I am Ranko Xiawang, student of   
Anything Goes. I have come to avenge my master."  
  
"Master?" Akane looked confused "But you say you practice Anything Goes, and my dad is   
the only master." She looked at Soun for confirmation.  
  
Ranko gave a cruel smirk "Happosai sends his regards." She said before taking out a small   
folding fan and fanning herself.  
  
All traces of sterness abruptly vanished from Soun Tendou as he turned into the quivering   
wreck Ranko was more familiar with "Don't say his name!" He looked around frantically   
presenting warding signs lest the evil master of Anything Goes were to leap out and attack.  
  
Kasumi stumbled slightly "Oh my, the strap on my sandal broke, and I just bought them   
yesterday..." She said, while several crows dropped dead in midair and plummeted into the   
koi pond.  
  
"What's this all about daddy?" Nabiki asked, less than impressed with all the theatrics.  
  
Since Soun was fast approaching catatonia, Ranko took it upon herself to explain "Ten years   
ago, Soun Tendou and his training partner both conspired to seal the grandmaster of the   
Anything Goes school in a cave. He recently freed himself, and as his student, I was sent to   
take the sign of the Tendou dojo as a small measure of revenge." All lies of course. Ranko   
was doing this to weaken the Tendou claim on Ranma, since a dojo with no sign wouldn't   
make a very good dowry. She was only mentioning Happosai for the psychological edge.   
Well, that and humour value. The old letch was still sealed away, and Ranko planned on   
being back in her old life long before his release, so it was impossible to disprove her lie.  
  
"Is this true father? Did you seal away your own master?" Kasumi asked, sounding properly   
shocked.  
  
"You don't understand!" Soun babbled "He was the most evil and perverted creature ever to   
walk the earth, we had to get rid of him! Oh, the terrible things he made us do in the name of   
training..."  
  
Ranko snorted violently at that. As far as she was concerned they had gotten off easy. She'd   
never seen any evidence that Soun and Genma had been tossed into pits of starving cats,   
been forced to deal with involuntary sex changes, or lived in fear of their own mothers   
making them commit seppuku. She should have sealed pop away years ago! "The path of a   
true martial artist is fraught with peril." She remarked sardonically.  
  
Akane, meanwhile, was staring intently at Ranko, before a look of dawning realisation   
crossed her features "Hey! I know you, you're in my class, Reiko Xiawang. But you don't   
know any martial arts."  
  
Ranko's eyebrow twitched "That's Ranko. And I know more than you think." It was all she   
could do not to tack on 'you stupid uncute tomboy!' to the end of that statement.  
  
Akane spared a disdainful glance at her father, who was now sobbing incoherently as   
Kasumi tried vainly to make him calm down. It was obvious no help would come from   
there."Fine, as the heir to the Tendou school of Anything Goes martial arts, I accept your   
challenge. Just give me a minute to get changed." Akane ran off and reappered a few   
minutes later dressed in her yellow gi.  
  
Ranko frowned slightly. She had been hoping to just bully Soun into giving up the sign   
without a fight by invoking Happosai's name. On the other hand, she wasn't actually   
engaged to Akane right now, and no one would remember any of this once she returned to   
her old life. As that thought struck her, she felt a sense of complete freedom - she could do   
whatever the hell she liked and none of it would matter since once she kissed Ranma   
everything would go back to normal with no one but her remembering any of this. Slowly, a   
grin began to spread across her face.  
  
Akane took up a standard kempo stance opposite Ranko. Even if she wasn't sure that Ranko   
was a martial artist at all, for her to have that effect on her dad indicated that   
underestimating her would be foolish. Ranko didn't bother to take a stance, and just   
continued fanning herself.  
  
Nabiki looked between the two and sighed. It was times like this she was glad to have given   
up martial arts, it obviously made people crazy. "Are you both ready?" She asked.  
  
"Yes." Akane responded emphatically. Ranko simply inclined her head in a bare nod.  
  
Nabiki just shook her head. She knew her little sister was very good, but something about   
this Ranko girl unsettled her. Which was odd, since Nabiki made it her business to know   
about everyone in her school, and Ranko had always seemed like such a nonoffensive,   
shirking violet type. For her to come out and challenge the dojo was passing strange. "This   
fight for the sign of the Tendou dojo. Victory is decided by when one of you is unable to   
fight or submits. Begin." she announced, stepping swiftly away from the fighters.  
  
"Kiai!" Akane shot forward with a thrust kick aimed at Ranko's midsection. Just as it looked   
like Akane was about to connect, surely ending the fight in a single powerful blow, Ranko   
snapped her fan closed and moved faster than anyone could follow, making use of the old   
pervert's pipe trick to send Akane flying into the dojo wall.  
  
"Th-that's the Master's technique!" Soun gasped, actually paying attention to his   
surroundings now.  
  
Akane groggily picked herself and started swaying around the dojo for several seconds   
before she regained control "Hey, that doesn't count! I wasn't ready!" She yelled angrilly.  
  
Ranko just opened her fan once more to use it for it's original purpose "I'm sorry, I really   
shouldn't have countered when you weren't ready, what with your foot about to hit my   
sternum and all." She remarked as if commenting on the weather, using the soul of ice to   
keep calm even though she was rather shocked at herself for actually hitting the tomboy -   
even if it was just a gentle ki enhanced nudge to redirect her momentum.  
  
Akane started to fume even more "Well you were using a weapon!"  
  
"It is Anything Goes, Akane." Nabiki pointed out not so helpfully, earning a vicious glare   
from her little sister.  
  
"Alright, this time for real!" Akane exclaimed, tightening her belt before charging back into   
the fray, launching a series of high punches and foot sweeps to catch the arrogant redhead off   
guard.  
  
Ranko of course saw the attacks coming a mile away and deftly evaded each of them. All   
she needed now was a manga to read and it would be just like sparring with her own Akane   
back home. After a few minutes of this to let Akane tire herself out, Ranko grabbed Akane's   
extended foot and tripped her before lunging over her for a knife hand strike which stopped   
just before touching Akane's neck, using her own legs to pin the girl she softly asked "Do   
you yield?"  
  
Akane twitched several times, but was unable to get any leverage to escape. A pained sigh   
escaped her lips before she sadly nodded. "You beat me."  
  
Ranko gave a small smile, glad that Akane didn't seem too upset and was about to claim her   
prize when Soun rediscovered his backbone.  
  
"How dare you beat up my little girl! You won't get the dojo sign until you defeat me!" He   
roared, having switched from sobbing wreck to overbearing tyrant with no emotional states   
inbetween.  
  
"Dad! I'm not really hurt!" Akane tried to placate him, mortified that he was implying she   
needed protection in front of the girl she had just decided was now her arch rival.  
  
"Are you challenging me for my new dojo sign?" Ranko arched an eyebrow towards him,   
looking forward to what she was about to do next.  
  
"Until you defeat the master of the Tendou school, the sign stays right here!" Soun   
announced, assuming a horse stance opposite Ranko.  
  
"I see it has come to this. Very well!" Ranko announced dramatically, even though she was   
struggling to keep from laughing at what she was about to do "You force me to unleash a   
technique of the Anything Goes school so powerful, that the Master himself sealed it away   
from the world. But I have uncovered it's horrifying secret!" She reached into her gi and   
pulled out a small firecracker "Face the terror of the Anything Goes Final Attack:   
Happodaikarin!!"  
  
And now we witness Soun's emotional rollercoaster shoot right back to 'sobbing wreck' as he   
unleashes the only known defence against such a devastating technique. "I'm sorry! I'm   
sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He babbled, moving into the 'Crouch of the   
Wild Tiger' and presenting the sign to Ranko "I didn't mean it! Please, take the dojo sign."  
  
"What?" Akane exclaimed, genuinely puzzled by this latest development "It's just a little   
firecracker?"  
  
"You weren't there, Akane!" Soun protested "When the Master used that dreaded   
technique... it was truly awful. I shudder to think that it has been unleashed upon the world   
once more, but I would rather sacrifice the dojo sign than sacrifice the entire dojo itself!"  
  
"Well, I'll just take the sign and be off. Bye!" Ranko grabbed the sign and swiftly departed   
the dojo, leaping over the outer wall and making her way to a safe distance before she   
unleashed a gale of laughter "Damn! I haven't had that much fun in ages. I guess I can sorta   
understand why the old letch treats them like that, they just ask for it!" She remarked   
cheerily before a full body shiver ran through her "Understand Happosai? Brrr, I need a   
bath!"  
  
Meanwhile, back at the Tendou dojo, three concerned daughters were trying to get some   
sense out of their father "Okay daddy, who is this Happosai guy that you're so afraid of?"   
Nabiki asked.  
  
"Don't say his name lest you summon him!" Soun desperately protested.  
  
***  
  
In a remote part of Japan a large boulder covered with wards on a mountainside abruptly   
exploded.  
  
***  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Ranko arrived early for school on Monday morning, still feeling good about her productive   
weekend and looking forward to a quiet day at school. Her anonyminity amongst the   
students and staff at Furinkan meant she didn't have to worry about perverts trying to hit on   
her, and the teachers never called on her for answers. As she entered the school grounds, she   
noticed there was a fairly large crowd milling around in anticipation. Curious, she spotted   
Daisuke and went to ask him what was going on. "Hey, Daisuke, what's all this fuss   
about?" she jerked a thumb towards the crowd  
  
Daisuke started slightly at being addressed so informally by a girl and turned to face her   
"Oh, Xiawang-san, it's..." He trailed off and stared as if seeing her for the first time.  
  
Ranko fidgeted nervously under his scrutiny "What? Somethin' on my face?"  
  
"Oh... ah... no." He shook his head "Did you do something with your hair?"  
  
Ranko blanched. He was noticing her! This could ruin everything! "Yeah, I took it outta the   
pigtail." She averted her eyes hoping to avoid encouraging him, but only succeeded in   
looking even more adorable "Anyway, what's everyone so-" She was cut off as a new voice   
rang out across the school.  
  
"Reiko Xiawang! I challenge you!"  
  
Much eyebrow twitching. "That's Ranko!!" She yelled back at Akane, who had now arrived   
and was the centre of attention.  
  
Akane blushed before regaining her righteous fury "Whatever! I have come to challenge you   
to regain the sign of the Tendou dojo!"  
  
Much whispering broke out among the students. "Akane's fighting Ayanami?" "The poor   
girl's gonna get creamed!" "I never knew Akane was a bully!" "What's that about a sign?   
Did she steal it or something?"  
  
Ranko twitched even more as she heard several people refer to her as 'Ayanami'. Man, this   
girl musta had a pathetic life before I came along...  
  
Nabiki of course was now taking multitudes of bets on Akane beating up Ranko, and   
looking forward to making a killing.  
  
"Why are you challenging me? This is a school!" Ranko protested plaintatively, desperate to   
avoid showing her skills, which would undoubtedly result in Kuno deciding she was his   
'fierce tigress' or whatever.  
  
"I don't know where you live..." Akane muttered, sounding slightly embarrased. "So are we   
going to fight?"  
  
At the lack of action, discussion throughout the schoolyard switched topics. At least between   
the boys anyway "Hey, does Ranko look different to you?" "Yeah, she seems... well,   
hotter!" "How come we never noticed before?" "I hear ya buddy. She might be short, but   
she's got huge-"  
  
"HEY!!" Ranko turned a murderous glare on the boy that said the last remark, who instantly   
shrank back and decided new underwear might be in order.  
  
"Stop ignoring me!" Akane stamped her foot petulantly "I'm issuing a dramatic challenge   
here!"  
  
Ranko pinched the bridge of her nose. This could not be happening to her! "Look Akane, I   
beat you yesterday. Unless you've done some incredible training over the past sixteen hours,   
there's no point in us fighting."  
  
"You were lucky!" Akane shot back. "Are you going to accept my challenge or are you a   
coward?"  
  
"What did you call me?" Ranko asked, a hard edge to her voice.  
  
"A coward! You're chicken, Ayanami!" Akane started flapping her arms like wings and   
making clucking noises.  
  
Kuno had appeared now and was yammering on about 'permitting no other terms' for   
something or other, but everyone's attention was on the current spectacle, so he was ignored.  
  
While initally offended at the accusation of cowardice, Ranko was now in a state of shock as   
she boggled at Akane's impromptu barnyard animal impression. She knew she was being   
insulted, but Akane seemed to be making herself look pretty stupid too. Still, an insult was   
an insult. "Consider your challenge accepted." She beckoned Akane onwards and gave an   
arrogant smirk that always pissed her opponent off.  
  
Akane charged forward with an agressive high kick towards the redhead that momentarily   
stunned Ranko as she was treated to a great view of the tomboy's panties. No wonder those   
guys fought her every morning... was her single coherent thought before it connected.  
  
"Oh my god! Akane killed her!" one girl screamed as Ranko dropped like a sack of bricks.  
  
"Ha! I knew I'd win!" Akane cheered and posed triumphantly "Still... I expected more of a   
challenge..." She turned away from her downed foe and noticed everyone looking at her in   
varying degrees of shock "What?" She asked, genuinely puzzled.  
  
"H.. how could you, Akane?" Sayuri gasped out.  
  
"What? It was a martial arts duel." Akane protested, all innocence.  
  
"You can't go around beating people up and just saying it's okay 'cause it's a martial arts   
duel!" Yuka yelled angrily at her apparently psychotic friend.  
  
Nabiki, meanwhile was in shock for a different reason, as she had expected Ranko to win,   
which would have earned her a tidy sum from the betting pools. Just as she was starting to   
formulate plans for revenge, she noticed Ranko rising, seeming none the worse for the wear.   
"Fight's not over, little sis!" She called out cheerfully.  
  
Akane barely had time to turn around before Ranko seemed to blur and Akane dropped   
unconscious. Ranko then sniffed haughtily and marched into the school building.  
  
"Wow, I barely saw her move!" Hiroshi commented.  
  
Nabiki felt a warm and fuzzy feeling wash over her as she realised all the money taken was   
hers since no one had bet on Ranko. She hugged the wad of bills to her busom with a   
contented smile on her face. Then she realised she'd better check on her little sister and went   
over to drag Akane to the nurse's office. "Hmmm... uncute?" She read the lettering on   
Akane's forehead, made from a large number of tiny bruises joined together.  
  
As everyone proceeded in to school, Kuno was left in the schoolyard. "Right then," He said,   
sounding less sure of himself than normal due to the lack of reaction to his stirring and   
emphatic speech "So we're all going to attack Akane Tendou tomorrow for the privelege of   
dating her...?"  
  
"I'm with you sempai!" A sickly sounding voice spoke up, belonging to none other than   
Gosunkugi - the only person to have payed any attention to the 'Shooting Star of Furinkan   
High'.  
  
***  
  
Ranko trudged home after a very stressful day at school. She had hoped that her demolition   
of Akane, coupled with her past unpopularity, would have put the guys off. Instead she had   
to put up every boy in her class, and a few from others, hitting on her throughout lunch.  
  
Then there was the way Akane and her friends glared at her every chance they got. Sure,   
writing 'uncute' on the tomboy's forehead was maybe a little bit over the top, but she should   
be able to take a joke. Besides, it was fair payment for landing that cheap shot by flashing   
her panties "And she calls me a pervert!" She remarked huffily.  
  
On the plus side, Kuno was still unaware of her existence, though she had expected him to   
go nuts after hearing about Akane's defeat, she hadn't seen him all day. Still, it was small   
consolation. Right now all she wanted to do was drop off her school stuff and then pay a visit   
to the bathhouse for a nice relaxing soak. After that maybe she'd go and visit mom for some   
cooking lessons or something. It was nice being able to spend time with her without having   
to worry about a splash of hot water and the resulting disembowelment that would follow.   
She still yearned to be with Nodoka as her son, but she'd take what she could get.  
  
She arrived at her home and changed into a blue and yellow yukata that she had bought the   
other day. Looking around her room, she made a mental note to purchase a futon or bedroll,   
since the western style bed felt wierd to her and was difficult to sleep in. But that, and   
redecorating, could wait for another day. She was far too tightly wound right now, and just   
wanted to relax.  
  
After arriving at the bathhouse she realised a fatal flaw in her 'relaxation plan'; she was   
surrounded by acres of hot, naked, nubile female flesh. Sure, she turned into a girl, but that   
didn't mean she was dead!  
  
Rinsing herself off while very carefully not paying attention to her surroundings, she then   
went over to an isolated corner of the sentou and closed her eyes, just letting the warm water   
relax her. After a few minutes she heard someone else getting in the bath near her. Opening   
her eyes it was all she could do not to gag. What the hell was Kodachi Kuno doing here?!  
  
Ranko then realised that even if Kodachi's leotards left little to the imagination, seeing the   
Black Rose in all her naked glory was something else entirely. She quickly averted her eyes,   
but not before Kodachi noticed her scrutiny.  
  
"Is there something I can do for you?" She asked in an amused tone.  
  
"Um..er..." Ranko began uncertainly, doing everything she could to not look at the feast of   
feminine pulchitrude before her "Aren't you Kodachi Kuno?" She finished lamely.  
  
"Indeed I am. No doubt you are wondering why a member of the noble house of Kuno   
would frequent such a plebian establishment?"  
  
I wouldn't have put it like that, but... "Yes?" Ranko said, wondering if Kodachi was going to   
pull out a ribbon and go off on her 'Black Rose' spiel. Then she wondered where she'd pull   
the ribbon from and promptly derailed that train of thought.  
  
"We are having problems with the plumbing at the Kuno estate, and rather than wait for   
them to be fixed, I decided to avail myself of this establishment." She sighed in a put upon   
manner "It has been a most stressful day."  
  
"What happened?" Ranko asked, wondering why she was continuing this conversation when   
all reason dictated she should get the hell away from the rose obsessed psycho.  
  
"Since you know who I am, no doubt you are familiar with my status as rythmic gymnastic   
champion for this region?" Kodachi didn't wait for a response before continuing "I was   
engaging in some enthusiastic sparring with a rival team prior to our match this week, when   
this most ill mannered little trollop comes along and steals my ribbon. Naming it   
'Martinique' of all things."  
  
Ranko valiantly supressed her urge to laugh at this, although it did lighten her mood   
considerably.  
  
"Anyway," Kodachi continued, not noticing Ranko's barely concealed mirth "I attempted to   
reason with her," by throwing explosive medicine balls and paralysis gas sachets "before this   
handsome but perverted brute happens along and retrieves my ribbon. I was initially grateful   
of course, but then he tried to molest me!"  
  
Ranko actually felt some sympathy for Kodachi at this, having been in a similar situation   
herself. "I hope you taught him a lesson."  
  
Kodachi smiled wickedly "But of course. I made use of a hallucinogenic agent to dampen   
his ardour. Right now I imagine he's still running around trying to stop the clowns from   
eating him." Kodachi let loose a burst of her trademark psychotic laugh, and for once Ranko   
laughed with her, pleased that the pervert Sanzennin had gotten his comeuppance.  
  
Their amusement was interrupted when screaming began to come from the other end of the   
bathhouse. Both girls stood up and glanced around, wondering what was going on before   
Ranko suddenly started shivering uncontrollably.  
  
"Are you alright?" Kodachi put an arm around Ranko, sounding genuinely concerned.  
  
"I... sense... evil..." She gasped out before a small blur appeared and landed on her chest,   
resolving into a familiar figure.  
  
"Hotcha!"  
  
***  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Seeing the perverted little homunculi attached to her breasts, Ranko acted completely out of   
habit and instinct before her shock at his early arrival could set in.  
  
"A most impressive punch." Kodachi noted dryly, looking at the hole in the ceiling caused   
by Happosai's departure.  
  
"Happosai... how could he be here?" Ranko wondered, slightly dazed and not hearing   
Kodachi, or the other women who were cheering her victory over the molester.  
  
"Pardon? You know that... creature?" Kodachi asked, giving Ranko a suspicious look.  
  
Ranko seemed to centre herself before facing Kodachi, being very careful to keep her gaze   
above the other girl's neck "I wish I didn't, trust me. I never expected him to show up here."   
At least not yet, she added silently. "I'm gonna have to go and find him. It was nice talkin' to   
ya, Kodachi." She gave the taller girl a wave as she rose from the bath and went to get   
dressed.  
  
Kodachi smirked "Nice? I am the Black Rose of St Hebereke, nothing concerning me is ever   
'nice' I assure you." She twirled her ribbon, releasing a storm of black rose petals and   
laughing maniacally.  
  
Ranko paused and gave Kodachi an odd look "Where did that ribbon come from?"  
  
Kodachi stumbled slightly and hid the ribbon behind her back, blushing furiously "Don't you   
have somewhere to be?" She suggested nervously.  
  
"Um... right..." Ranko offered uncertainly "See ya around Kodachi."  
  
***  
  
"So, did Tofu-sensei make all your hurts go away? Did he kiss your booboo all better?"   
Nabiki teased her sister as the pair made their way home from school after Akane had   
insisted on making a detour to doctor Tofu's practice. Personally, Nabiki felt that if she ever   
had an insulting bruise on her forehead she'd do everything possible to avoid the object of   
her affections, but Akane seemed to feel otherwise.  
  
"Shut up, Nabiki!" Akane hissed, looking around in terror of anyone overhearing and   
discovering her oh so secret crush.  
  
Nabiki just laughed at Akane's discomfort before they were both distracted by a tiny old man   
falling out of the sky and making an impressive crater. Even more surprising was that he   
immediately got up seeming none the worse for wear.  
  
"That redhead packed a mean wallop." He commented admiringly as he dusted himself off.  
  
"Are you alright mister? Do you need us to take you to the doctor?" Akane asked, only   
slightly concerned for the old timers wellbeing.  
  
"Any excuse, eh Akane?" Nabiki snorted.  
  
The wrinkled little gnome looked up at the pair and grinned "All I need to feel better is a   
good hug!" before promptly attaching himself barnacle like to Akane's chest.  
  
Akane screamed and hit him several times before he was dislodged "How dare you! You   
wretched little pervert! Who the hell do you think you are?!" She raged furiously.  
  
"Why I'm Happosai, the grandmaster of the Anything Goes school of martial arts!" The little   
man puffed himself up proudly at that announcement.  
  
"Happosai? As in the guy that taught our dad?" Akane clarified, as if there was more than   
one grandmaster of Anything Goes named Happosai.  
  
Happosai gave her a look with a bit more interest than his previous casual lechery "So...   
you're one of Soun's girls are you?"  
  
Akane nodded eagerly, her previous anger forgotten - he could teach her to beat that upstart   
Ranko after all! "I'm Akane Tendou and this is my sister Nabiki." she said by way of   
introduction before naively adding "One of your students took our dojo sign yesterday, can   
we have it back?"  
  
"One of my students defeated the Tendou dojo?" Happosai seemed rather surprised at that   
news "Which one?"  
  
"Ranko Xiawang. She said it was as revenge for what our dad did when he sealed you   
away." Akane offered, Nabiki seeming content to stay silent and observe.  
  
Happosai's pupils expanded to cover his entire eyes and started to shimmer "Lil' Ranko-chan   
avenged me? Oh happy day! I bet she grew up to be a real cutie too!"  
  
"The boys at school seem to think so." Nabiki finally joined the conversation, sensing a   
chance to glean some info "You say you haven't seen her since she was a little girl?"  
  
Happosai nodded cheerfuly "I didn't expect her to even remember me, but I can remember   
like it was yesterday..."  
  
***  
  
Chibi-Ranko was sitting by herself in a park, crying. Along came Happosai, looking tall and   
bishonen, despite this only being ten years ago. Even if he was an evil pervert, Happosai still   
can't stand to see little children unhappy, so he went over to comfort Ranko "What's wrong   
little girl?" He asked, kneeling down before her.  
  
Ranko sniffed a few times before answering "Everyone hates me. They say I'm a 'filthy ai no   
ko' because momma's from China." she sobbed wretchedly.  
  
Happosai frowned "They're just stupid then!" he declared emphatically "I once knew a girl   
from China, and she was the most beautiful and wonderful woman I'd ever met. I would   
have married her too!"  
  
"Why didn't you?" Ranko asked, her tears forgotten as she listened to the nice old man.  
  
Happosai fidgeted nervously "Well... she got a little upset with me one day for some reason   
and chased me out her village. But I've still got a special place in my heart for her." He   
decided to change the subject "Anyway, a lot of people are just stupid and will hate you for   
no good reason. Why, some people even hate me!"  
  
"But you're nice!" Ranko protested vehemently.  
  
Happosai nodded sadly "It's true... but some people just cannot understand the great task I   
have been assigned by destiny. It was because of my sacred mission that I lost the only   
woman I ever loved..."  
  
"What mission?" Ranko asked, enthralled by this story.  
  
"Oh it is such a noble task! I must liberate all of my precious silky darlings!" The stunningly   
bishonen Happosai pontificated, raising his fist to the heavens as the sunset framed him like   
the hero out of some samurai drama.  
  
"Wow." The little girl breathed, obviously impressed "I like silk. Can I help your mission?"   
She asked hopefully.  
  
Happosai considered her for a moment before nodding "Y'know, those two ingrate students   
of mine will never amount to anything... perhaps I need a new student. Besides, you kind of   
remind me of Cologne-chan. What's your name little girl?"  
  
"Ranko Xiawang!" She announced happily, all smiles now.  
  
***  
  
"But I was barely a few weeks into training little Ranko-chan when those idiots Soun and   
Genma got me drunk and sealed me in that cave..." He trailed off sullenly before brightening   
again "But I'm glad Ranko hasn't slacked off in her training, I'll have to find her! Either of   
you two girls know where she lives nowadays?"  
  
Akane just stared forward twitching slightly "Silky... darlings...?" she mumbled.  
  
Nabiki was able to retain her presence of mind however, and reacted in her usual manner to   
a request for information "That will cost you five thousand yen." She held a hand out   
expectantly.  
  
"Oh, to think you'd charge an old man who's been sealed away in a cold dark cave for ten   
long years!" He wailed theatrically "What has the younger generation come to? Let me have   
a good cry in your busom!"  
  
"Ack! Get it off! Get it off!" Nabiki abruptly lost her calm and collected demeanour as she   
vainly tried to swat Happosai was groping her with wild abandon.  
  
"I'll leave if you tell me where to find my student." Happosai suggested.  
  
"Fine!" Nabiki yelled before rattling off the address she had discovered today while trying to   
find out more about Ranko.  
  
"That wasn't so hard now was it?" Happosai consoled before bounding off, a certain white   
item of clothing dangling behind him.  
  
"Oneechan... isn't that..." Akane pointed uncertainly after the dwindling figure of Happosai.  
  
Nabiki herself noticed she seemed to be a lot less... restrained... around the chest. "My bra!!   
I'll kill him!!" She shrieked, filled with impotent fury.  
  
***  
  
"Well, that was a bust." Ranko muttered as she returned home from her fruitless search for   
Happosai. She was about to make a start on her dinner when she heard noises coming from   
her bedroom. Grinning maliciously, she popped her knuckles in anticipation. Time to work   
off her frustrations on the idiot that thought he could steal from her! "Oh burglar-san..." She   
caroled sweetly before kicking the door in violently.  
  
What she saw froze her in her tracks.  
  
Pile of all her bras and panties in centre of room. Check.  
  
Big green sack, overflowing with womens underwear, placed by window. Check.  
  
Tiny wrinkled gnome pawing through her unmentionables while making disappointed   
sounding noises. Check.  
  
"What the hell?!" She roared angrily.  
  
Happosai looked up at her and tutted "Ranko-chan, I'm very disappointed in you! For a   
practictioner of Anything Goes martial arts, your collection is pitiful!" He indicated the pile   
of her underwear "It's all plain and cotton! I only got out of that cave yesterday and already   
my collection is better!" He indicated his own 'panty raid' sack. Then he emptied said sack   
on the floor "Tell you what, you sort through my collection and take anything you like, just   
to get your own collection started properly." He looked momentarily distraught "Just don't   
say your old master doesn't do anything for you."  
  
Of all the reactions Ranko could have expected, this was not one of them. Though in   
retrospect, maybe she should have. "What's going on?" She asked weakly, showing none of   
the force her earlier declaration had.  
  
"I'm here to resume your training of course! We've got so many silky darlings to liberate, it'll   
be just like we planned all those years ago!" He pointed to the Tendou dojo sign which was   
currently propped up against the wall "I appreciate that you've kept up your training and   
taken Soun to task for his crimes against me, but never forget the TRUE purpose of   
Anything Goes."  
  
Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask... "What purpose is that?"  
  
Happosai blinked, not expecting her to have forgotten such a fundamental tenet of the school   
"To liberate all the silky darlings which are being unjustly kept away from me of course!"  
  
Well, you had ta ask, Ranko thought as she slumped bonelessly to the floor.  
  
Happosai seemed puzzled at her reaction "Come on Ranko-chan, you used to get so excited   
when we talked about this, remember?" He cajoled "Remember how we planned to always   
stick together, as comrades in arms, as master and student, friends forever!"  
  
"Wha?" Ranko was dimly aware that she should be sobbing hysterically at this point, but she   
was just too out of it. That reaction would have to wait, for now she'd settle for stupified   
shock.  
  
"By the way Ranko-chan, we'll have to find a bigger house to keep our collections in." He   
eyed her single bed for a moment before returning his attention to the stunned redhead "Until   
then, I guess you should know that I can only spoon on my right side."  
  
***  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Ranko paused in her eating as she studied the ancient lecher sitting opposite her, currently   
absorbed in the process of gorging himself on her teriyaki chicken and rice. If she took him   
by surprise with an all out attack, holding absolutely nothing back and employing every   
dirty trick she knew, then she might just be able to kill him.  
  
With a force of will, she shook off the idle fantasy. She was not a killer, and Happosai hadn't   
really done much to actually piss her off yet. Aside from the incident at the sentou he hadn't   
even made any attempt to grope her. It was certainly odd to deal with Happosai giving her   
the same amount of respect he normally gave Kasumi, and having the old perv on her side   
might prove useful - aside from Cologne he was probably the greatest living repository of   
martial arts knowledge in the world. If she played her cards right, he would be a powerful   
ally.  
  
On the other hand, once he started up with his panty raids (although his big green sack   
indicated he had already started) and her association with him became common knowledge,   
her image would suffer greatly. In truth Ranko cared little for the perceptions of others, even   
more so than usual since no one would remember this once she returned to her old life, but   
she was unsure how Ranma would react to Happosai. Without the nyannichuan curse,   
Ranma would suffer a lot less under the old man's depredations, but Happosai was still   
pretty much inherently unlikeable, and would likely still torment Genma's son out of   
principal.  
  
Since that would hamper her efforts to make Ranma fall in love with her, she decided it   
would be best if she wasn't associated too closely with him. But how to get rid of him   
without making him an enemy?  
  
Not having any inkling of the direction of his favoured student's thoughts, Happosai released   
a loud belch before speaking "That was delicious, Ranko-chan! You sure know how to treat   
an old man right." he entused over her cooking.  
  
Aha! Inspiration strikes! "Y'know, I'm not really all that good a cook. Kasumi Tendou is far   
better than I am. Maybe you should drop in on the Tendou's for a while... see if Soun hasn't   
lost his skills?" She said with an innocent 'butter wouldn't melt' expression on her angelic   
features.  
  
Happosai waved her off dismissively before rubbing his stomach in contentment "Bah!   
Forget that ingrate, why would I want to waste my time with those losers."  
  
"Because he has three beautiful teenage daughters? Not to mention all that space in the dojo   
for you to keep your collection?" She offered helpfuly.  
  
"I bet none of them are as beautiful as you are, Ranko-chan!" Happosai retorted   
passionately.  
  
Ranko blinked in surprise. She was used to compliments on her looks, but normally   
Happosai would glomp her after a statement like that. Why the heck am I blushing?! She   
thought on feeling her face heat up. Giving herself a mental shake, she decided to give up on   
foisting him off on the Tendou's, which left plan B - wear him out so he'll be too tired for any   
panty raids in the near future "Seeing as you've been gone for so long, maybe we should   
have a sparring match so you can see how I've improved?"  
  
***  
  
"Boy Ranko, you look awful." Yuka remarked on seeing the redhead blearily stagger into   
class just before the warning bell the next morning.  
  
"Bidah!" Ranko spared the other girl a baleful glance through bloodshot eyes and stuck out   
her tongue before collapsing into her seat and trying to catch some sleep.  
  
A few hours later she was roused upon hearing a ruckus outside as the girls gym class ran   
screaming after a panty thief. "Energetic little bastard..." she grumbled half heartedly.  
  
In truth she was actually pretty happy. Even if her plan failed, and she suffered a blow to her   
pride as Happosai had more energy than her, last night's sparring had been immensely   
satisfying. Normally her fights with Happosai were fairly short, with one of them using some   
stupid dirty trick to beat the other, but last night they had battled for hours, going nearly all   
out. The old perv had even critiqued her form and offered some useful pointers for   
improvement. He had observed some similarities in her style compared with the Saotome   
school, but since her style had been evolving differently from Genma's over the past few   
years it wasn't anything major. He had also seemed inordinately pleased with the Amazon   
influence in her style, commenting that she reminded her of his 'dear Cologne-chan'.  
  
It was in the wee hours of the morning when they had finally called a halt to their sparring,   
and she had barely posessed enough energy to kick him out of her room when they returned   
home. No way in hell was Happosai sleeping with her, even if he was a lot more tolerable.  
  
"Well Ranko, aren't you going to do soemthing about your master stealing girls' underwear?   
Or are you a pervert too?" The snippy voice of an irate tomboy interrupted her recollections,   
causing everyone else in the class to draw shocked gasps.  
  
The tired redhead made an unsucessful attempt at stifling a yawn before turning her   
attention to Akane "He's your master too Akane." She pointed out.  
  
Akane didn't have a verbal reply, but her expression screamed out 'Crap! I never thought of   
that!' and turned the attention of the class back on her.  
  
"Are all martial artists perverts or something?" One girl asked.  
  
"Would explain Kuno." Hiroshi snorted.  
  
"And it would explain what happened at our last sleepover at Akane's." Sayuri put in,   
earning a sage nod from Yuka.  
  
"Yeah, no one's that clumsy. I mean honestly, the way she kept spilling juice on our   
pajamas'."  
  
Akane was standing in mute horror as the tide turned against her, while Ranko chose to   
ignore them and go back to sleep. Which is a pity as she would have been incredibly   
amused/disturbed at what came next.  
  
"I didn't want to say anything, but I noticed an ecchi magazine under Akane's mattress..."   
Miyo joined the debate "It was really disgusting, I think it was called Chicks with-"  
  
"Ahahaha! We don't need to talk about that!" Akane shot over and clamped a hand over   
Miyo's mouth before she could finish that damning statement, but the damage was done. She   
turned a burning glare on the blissfuly snoring redhead "Damn you Reiko - I mean Ranko   
Xiawang! For the insult of the porn, I will make you pay!" She cried out to the heavens,   
which only resulted in a blackboard eraser being thrown at her head.  
  
"Tendou, buckets, hall." The teacher reprimanded her.  
  
"Hai sensei." Akane went off to do her punishment, all the while boiling with rage towards   
the new bane of her existence.  
  
***  
  
"Good afternoon Ranko-chan, how was school?" A jovial voice greeted the former boy as   
she returned home that day.  
  
"It was okay." She shrugged noncommitaly before taking in the sight before her. Her entire   
apartment was festooned with womens' underwear hanging from every surface. Kneeling by   
the kotatsu, Happosai was humming cheerfuly as he ironed the creases out of some panties.   
"You don't suppose you could lay off on the panty raids for a bit?" She asked hopefuly.  
  
Happosai snorted "You may as well ask me to stop breathing."  
  
"Only if I thought it would work..." She muttered under her breath.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing! I was just thinking that maybe since my apartment obviously isn't big enough to   
hold all of your silky darlings, maybe you should move somewhere else... like say, the   
Tendou dojo?"  
  
"Nonsense!" Happosai scoffed "I've already had a look around the neighbourhood and seen a   
few big houses for sale we could move into."  
  
Ranko placed both hands on her hips and glared down at the diminuitive pervert,   
unconsciously adopting the 'nagging housewife' position "If you think I'm forking out my   
cash just so you can have a place to keep yer panties you can think again!"  
  
"Oh ye of little faith. I can easily afford to buy a house for us both. If you live long enough   
you don't have to work for your money to increase." Happosai said sagely before picking up   
a pair of pink panties and rubbing them over his face.  
  
Ranko paused in her tirade. That made sense, but... "Then what's with all the stealin' and   
skippin' out on bills?"  
  
Happosai blinked "Training of course." He studied her carefuly for a moment "You know   
Ranko, while I was very impressed with your skills last night, it seems that you've forgotten   
many of the fundamental tenets of the art."  
  
Ranko sighed and rubbed her temples. "Whatever. I'm going to visit mom, you can put that   
wealth of yours to use by eating out tonight."  
  
"Your mother? Why aren't you living with your parents?" Happosai asked curiously.  
  
"Huh? Oh, right... yeah..." Ranko hedged for a moment before remembering the fiction   
surrounding her life "My parents are dead, I'm going to visit Mrs Saotome. She lets me call   
her mom since I'm kinda engaged to her son."  
  
"Saotome..." Happosai considered this for a moment before his eyes got really big "As in   
Nodoka? Genma's wife? You're engaged to Ranma?"  
  
"Yeah, that's the one." She confirmed.  
  
"Oh, well good luck with that. Off you go then." Happosai shooed her out the door before   
sitting down in thought, idly lighting up his pipe "I thought Soun and Genma were going to   
marry their kids to take over that dojo of Soun's? I wonder what happened?"  
  
*** 


	2. 6 and 7

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.   
A Not so Simple Wish  
by Ebiris  
  
Chapter 6  
  
"Give me back my ribbon you little harridan!"  
  
Azusa turned to face her pursuer while still speeding away on her rollerblades "It's my   
Martinique, I won't let you have it!" She retorted, sticking her tongue out for effect.  
  
Ranko was just returning home from her dinner with Nodoka when she spotted the pair   
heading in her direction. Deciding to help mete out a little justice towards the klepto figure   
skater, she innocently stuck her foot out as Azusa passed, causing her to fall sprawling on   
her ass.  
  
"Aha! I have you now you little thief!" Kodachi exclaimed jubilantly as she retrieved her   
ribbon before turning an appreciative gaze towards the redhead "Thankyou for your   
assistance... er... I believe we met the other day but you didn't give me your name..." She   
trailed off expectantly.  
  
Ranko blinked. It felt weird having to introduce herself to a girl she still thought of as one of   
her admirers. "I'm Ranko Xiawang." She gave a brief bow "Besides, it's a martial artist's   
duty to stop thieves." Unless you happen to be the thief yourself, she added silently, thinking   
of Genma.  
  
Azusa had recovered by this point and was trying to steal Kodachi's ribbon again, but the   
taller girl was able to keep it out of her reach easily. "Give me my Martinique back!" She   
yelled shrilly.  
  
"I think not." Kodachi responded drolly "Why don't you buy your own? They aren't exactly   
expensive."  
  
"No!!" Azusa was right in Kodachi's face as she yelled "That's my little Martinique! Azusa-  
chan challenges you for it!"  
  
Ranko winced. This was not going to be pretty.  
  
"A challenge, you say?" Kodachi looked down haughtily at the figure skater, an expression   
of ill concealed mirth on her aristocratic features.  
  
Azusa stomped her foot at not being taken seriously. That she was able to stomp sucessfully   
while wearing rollerblades was testament to her skill in her chosen field of weird martial arts   
"I challenge you to a martial arts figure skating match, tomorrow after school!"  
  
Kodachi nodded slowly, a sly grin on her face. "Yes, let us fight in all fairness... Before the   
match!" Suddenly her ribbon lashed out to wrap around Azusa, before a flick of Kodachi's   
wrist sent the smaller girl flying into a wall.  
  
"Oooh, Martinique... why did you hurt little Azusa, why?" Azusa moaned groggily as she   
picked herself up and caressed part of the ribbon which was still wrapped around her.   
Seeming to collect herself, she returned her attention to her opponent who was smirking at   
her "Hey! I said tomor-augh!" She never finished as a deft tug of the ribbon from Kodachi   
sent her spinning as it unraveled.  
  
Ranko had by now taken a seat on a nearby fence and was greatly enjoying watching a crazy   
martial arts battle that for once did not involve her. She was certainly wishing Kodachi had   
been around during her own encounter with the Golden Pair, since the gymnast seemed to   
have things well in hand.  
  
Before long, Kodachi had Azusa trussed up once more and left her dangling from a   
streetlight. "I think I'll let you keep the ribbon after all. Give my regards to the Kolkhoz   
High rhythmic gymnastics team." She let loose a burst of her bone chilling laughter and was   
surprised to hear clapping. Turning to the noise, she was mildly surprised that the redhead   
was still there, since most people would have vacated the area during the fight.  
  
"Nicely done." Ranko congratulated Kodachi as she hopped down from her perch.  
  
"Er.. thankyou." Kodachi demurred, again surprised that this girl wasn't yelling and   
screaming about her being an overaggressive psycho, which is what most people did. Of   
course, the opinions of such peasants were beneath one of her station, so she tried not to let it   
get to her.  
  
"Yeah, her and that creep Mikado are both jerks. I'm glad you put her in her place." Ranko   
said while hooking a thumb in Azusa's direction. During the short fight, Ranko had done   
some thinking. She didn't have any friends in this new timeline, and from the way Kodachi   
had latched onto 'Ranma-sama' she knew that the gymnast was terribly lonely, despite the   
front she put up. Maybe this time they could actually be proper friends instead of Kodachi   
alternating between loving or hating her depending on local water temperatures. "Say,   
Kodachi. Do you want to go get some icecream or somethin'?" She had just eaten, but she   
never let trivialities like that get to her.  
  
Kodachi blinked owlishly at her "Are you asking me out?"  
  
Ranko immediately got a wide eyed and panicked expression "No, no! It ain't like that!" She   
waved her hands frantically "I just meant, like as friends y'know, two girls! It's not a date if   
we're both girls!"  
  
Kodachi put a hand over her mouth and chuckled in a surprisingly natural and not scary   
manner as she watched Ranko flounder. "You've obviously never attended an all girls   
school..." She muttered quietly.  
  
"Huh?" Ranko peered curiously at her, not sure what to make of that statement, being   
surprisingly naive in such matters despite her curse.  
  
"Not me! I'm not gay!" Kodachi suddenly blurted out under Ranko's intense scrutiny "I just   
meant there are other girls at St Hebereke that do.. do... that..." She trailed off lamely while   
twiddling her index fingers.  
  
"Oh... right... So um... you wanna go or not?" Ranko asked, wondering how on earth they   
had ended up on the topic of Kodachi's sexuality.  
  
Gathering up the tattered remnants of her dignity, Kodachi nodded imperiously "Yes. I   
believe I would like that." And the pair walked off into the sunset, the beginnings of a   
beautiful new friendship in the making.  
  
"Hello? Little Azusa is sorry. Can someone let me down now?" A forlorn voice called out,   
though there was no one there to hear. "Please?"  
  
Pretty soon a group of small children arrived and pronounced judgement on the hapless   
kleptomaniac "Let's doodle on her!"  
  
***  
  
"So, earlier you mentioned you were a martial artist. What style do you practice?" Kodachi   
asked her companion as the two sat in a booth at the same icecream shop Shampoo had   
demolished in her search for Ranma back in Ranko's old life.  
  
Ranko smirked cockily "Anything Goes. I'm the best there is."  
  
Kodachi looked to be considering something for a moment before she spoke up "Isn't   
Anything Goes the style practiced by that girl my brother is enamoured with? Something   
Tendou?"  
  
Ranko snorted "Feh, Akane Tendou? She just does regular kempo. Callin' that Anything   
Goes is an insult."  
  
"Really?" Kodachi arched an eyebrow "From the way Tatewaki goes on about her I assumed   
she was some avatar of martial arts prowess brought to life."  
  
Ranko shrugged "Well, she's good at kempo, but that's just a tiny fraction of what Anything   
Goes is all about. Kempo is just a regular martial art you can learn at dojos' all over the   
country. Anything Goes is the most powerful style in the world, and only a few people know   
it."  
  
"You seem to think very highly of your skills." Kodachi remarked dryly.  
  
Ranko just nodded, not finding anything to dispute in that statement "I've dedicated my   
whole life to the art, what would be the point if I had no noteworthy skills to show for it?"   
She sighed sadly "Sometimes I feel like it's all I have."  
  
Kodachi looked askance at the slight redhead who was apparently opening up to her. Her?   
The Black Rose of St Hebereke? The thought was almost enough to make her laugh. Instead   
she decided to take a chance and maybe open up a little herself. "I..." she began hesitantly,   
pushing the dregs of her sundae around her dish "I... sometimes feel the same way. There are   
times when I feel I could lock myself in my greenhouse and spend the rest of my days   
tending to the flowers, and not a person in the world would care. And I wonder if I would   
care? The roses never judge me or try to make me into someone I'm not..."  
  
Ranko stared in slack jawed shock. In five minutes having a friendly chat, she'd gotten more   
out of Kodachi than nearly a year of having the girl supposedly in love with her. "What   
about your gymnastics?" She asked.  
  
Kodachi laughed. Not her maniacal 'crazed noblewoman' laugh, but a bitter and cold laugh   
filled with self loathing. "I don't even like gymnastics." She stopped with a pole axed look, as   
if she couldn't believe what she had just admitted "I actually said it..." she whispered in an   
awed tone "I hate gymnastics... I hate it..." A strange grin split her face as she stood up and   
yelled "I Kodachi Kuno despise rhythmic gymnastics!"  
  
Several apathetic grunts from the other patrons was her response, but Kodachi didn't let it   
deter her. Instead she sat back down with an enormous smile as if she had figured out one of   
life's great mysteries.  
  
"Uh..." Ranko was rather overwhelmed by this. All this time and she'd never had a clue.. "If   
you hate it, then why do you do it?"  
  
Kodachi deflated in on herself a little "Back before father... left... he was concerned over my   
spending too much time on my botany studies and suggested I take up a sport. His   
suggestion consisted of sticking me on the rythmic gymnastics team and telling me to do the   
Kuno name proud..." She had a faraway look in her eyes as she whispered "Kuno's never   
lose."  
  
Ranko barely avoided bursting into laughter as she thought of Kodachi's brother, but   
knowing that this was some sort of breakthrough for the other girl helped keep her calm. "So   
that's why you always ambushed the other teams? To always win?"  
  
Kodachi nodded "Yes. But that stops now! First thing tomorrow I'm quitting the team. If   
father is too busy to look after us, I fail to see why I should 'honour' him by carrying out his   
wishes." Impulsively she leaned over and hugged Ranko "I should have done this years ago.   
Thankyou for letting me see that."  
  
Ranko still had a shell shocked look on her face as she replied "I didn't do anything..."  
  
"Hmm, you're right. But I wouldn't have been able to realise that I was wasting my time on   
something I hated if we hadn't had this talk."  
  
"So... are ya goin' to spend more time on flowers and stuff now that you're not a gymnast?"   
Ranko asked, weirded out at this abrupt lifestlye change from someone she thought she had   
pegged.  
  
"Perhaps..." Kodachi mused "Or maybe I'll find something else I enjoy. I am only sixteen   
after all, I have my whole life to find out."  
  
Ranko smiled happily "That's a good attitude to take Kodachi."  
  
***  
  
That night, Happosai lay still in his blankets in Ranko's living room. He was trying to sleep   
but he couldn't. They were calling to him.  
  
"Help us, Happosai..." a small voice begged.  
  
"Please, you are the only one who can end our unjust servitude." another called out, the   
feminine voice choked with emotion.  
  
"If you can rescue us..." the throaty voice trailed off, seeming to hint at a thousand pleasures   
that would be bestowed upon it's benefactor.  
  
Unable to stand it any longer, Happosai leapt from his bedding "Fear not my silky darlings!   
I'm coming to save you!"  
  
He was about to leave via the window and resume his righteous crusade when another voice   
impinged on his consciousness. He was barely able to make out the distressed moans and   
low whimpering coming from Ranko's room, and wondered what could cause her to have   
nightmares when she had seemed so happy earlier when she returned from Nodoka's.  
  
Happosai was struck by momentary indecision. Ranko had made some pretty dire warnings   
about what would happen if she caught him in her room at night, and his silky darlings   
weren't going to rescue themselves. But the noises from her room tugged at his withered old   
heart. What kind of martial arts master would he be to let a pretty girl suffer nightmares?  
  
That did it. Firm in his convictions, Happosai stealthily entered Ranko's room and crept up   
to the bed where his student was tossing and turning, having kicked her covers off in the   
night. Luckily her modesty was protected by a set of blue pajama's. Happosai tutted at that, a   
girl like her should adorned in the finest silk lingerie, yet she refused to wear the items he   
had been willing to sacrifice from his own collection.  
  
"Mmm... gettaway... please pop... I don't wanna..." She half murmered, rolling over and   
conking Happosai on the head with an outstretched arm.  
  
Happosai furrowed his already wrinkled brow as he wondered just what she was dreaming   
about. From the way it sounded... had her father...?  
  
"No... don' like... cats..." a muffled sob came out before she shrieked "Not my eyes!" and   
curled up in a fetal position, shuddering violently.  
  
Cats? Wondered Happosai, dismissing his earlier suspicions about her father. It was   
probably just a meaningless dream, nothing more. He briefly considered waking her from the   
nightmare before deciding she needed her beauty sleep. Instead he whipped an incense   
burner out of stuffspace along with several rare herbs. With the ease of long practice, he   
prepared the proper solution and set it burning on her nightstand.  
  
Within a few moments, Ranko stretched out of the fetal position and a smile crossed her   
unconscious features. It seemed her dreams had turned to a more soothing type. Happosai   
nodded to himself in satisfaction and pulled the blankets back over the slumbering teenager.  
  
"Now my silky darlings, I've kept you waiting long enough!" The old letch whispered before   
bounding out of the apartment, seeking to further his lifelong quest.  
  
***  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Ranko paused in her kata to wipe some sweat from her brow as she reflected over the past   
couple of weeks. All in all, her new life was going pretty smoothly, even though she still   
couldn't wait to return to her old one. Akane had attacked her at school a few times, but she   
was able to put the tomboy down with little fuss each time. It seemed her relationship with   
Akane in this life had all the bad parts of her old one with none of the good. Not that she was   
surprised at this, since she had done nothing but antagonise the poor girl since arriving.  
  
More surprising were the two Kuno siblings. Kuno had not once said a single word to her,   
which was really weird since she was just as attractive and skilled as the 'pigtailed girl' but   
way more feminine acting. She was occasionaly tempted to just ask Kuno why the hell he   
wasn't obsessing over her, but decided that it would be best not to look a gift horse in the   
mouth.  
  
She still couldn't believe Kodachi had given up rhythmic gymnastics so abruptly. While the   
Black Rose was still borderline insane, she was surprisingly good company when not trying   
to steal kisses with paralysis powder or yelling about the pigtailed girl stealing her Ranma-  
sama. With any luck, the fact that her new friend Ranko had a claim on Ranma would keep   
Kodachi from falling for him this time around. Plus, Kodachi was a genius, and had helped   
Ranko with her schoolwork quite a bit.  
  
Happosai was still hard to figure out. He was just as much a pervert as always, but for some   
reason Ranko was considered off limits. she thought it might be because she was his student,   
but that had never stopped him tormenting 'Ranma-chan', so it had to be something else. He   
had disappeared yesterday to attend the 'All Japan Cheerleading Finals' in Okinawa, and   
likely wouldn't be back for a week or so, which would at least give Ranko time to do   
something about all the stolen underwear cluttering up her apartment.  
  
She was about to resume her exercises when she noticed a group of boys ogling her. If there   
wasn't one thing she missed about living in a dojo, it was peace to practice her art   
undisturbed. She liked doing katas in the park since it was relaxing to be outside in the   
sunshine, but those damned perverts always showed up to leer at her. If she didn't do   
something to scare them off soon, then no doubt they'd work up the nerve to come over and   
start hitting on her. She couldn't really blame them, since she was one of the hottest girls she   
knew, and her affectionately named 'sexy kunoichi' outfit she wore when practicing only   
added to that, but it still pissed her off having to deal with horny boys.  
  
Nodding to herself as she settled on a plan, Ranko leapt into an advanced kata of her own   
devising which incorporated many chops and knife hand strikes at amaguriken speed. The   
net effect was similar to Kuno's air pressure trick, and she proceeded to neatly prune a   
nearby willow tree from several metres away. After winding down, she turned on the boys   
with a cruel smirk and popped her knuckles while manifesting a small battle aura.  
  
"Feh." she tossed her hair arrogantly as the boys ran off in terror "That should give me some   
peace and quiet."  
  
After an hour or so of uninterrupted martial arts fun (though it would have been more fun if   
someone had attacked her while screaming 'Ranko, prepare to die!' - she really wished she   
had some decent rivals in this life) she was finishing up and preparing to go home when she   
spotted a familiar figure walking a zigzag path through the park. "Ryouga?" She whispered   
upon seeing the telltale red umbrella strapped to an enormous backpack.  
  
Indeed it was Ryouga Hibiki, who had been trying to intercept Ranma at Shanghai and was   
rather surprised to find himself back in Japan. The lost boy was asking for directions from   
anyone who came close to him, and then walking off perpendicular to whichever way those   
kind souls would point in.  
  
Ranko sighed at the sight. She felt sorry for him, she really did, but there was no way in hell   
she was going to offer any assistance. Given how easily Ryouga fell in love with any pretty   
girl that so much as said hello in a friendly manner, she did not want that kind of hassle. She   
shuddered as she remembered the koi rod incident, it had only been Ryouga's intense dislike   
for his rival that had saved her then, if Ryouga actually liked her and pulled a stunt like that   
though... being that moron's love slave for life was not a pleasant proposition.  
  
She was about to leave the park in the opposite direction when some children playing by a   
fountain splashed Ryouga, resulting in a damp pile of clothes with a small piglet struggling   
to get out.  
  
"No way..." she breathed, wondering how Ryouga had gotten himself cursed if Ranma   
hadn't, then she giggled to herself "It must be karma!" Not wanting to leave her onetime   
rival in such a vulnerable state, she went to a nearby kiosk and bought a cup of tea and some   
chocolate. Promptly devouring the confection, she drank half the hot tea and walked over   
towards the sad little piglet which was trotting round in circles, no doubt wondering who had   
placed it in such a fiendish maze. As she walked past, she dropped the styrofoam cup full of   
tea onto the pig and continued walking without a backwards glance.  
  
Ryouga, for his part, scrambled to retrieve his clothes before he was branded a pervert, not   
questioning his luck in escaping his awful cursed form.  
  
Ranko was just leaving the park when she heard the familiar yell of "Damn you Ranma!   
This is all your fault!" and couldn't help but smile to herself.  
  
***  
  
"Ranko Xiawang, I challenge you!"  
  
"Aw crud." Ranko slapped her forehead as she found Akane waiting outside her apartment   
building. It was getting to the point where she was developing a reflex for pounding Akane   
on sight like she used to pound Kuno, and that would only spell disaster when she returned   
to her old life. "Lemme alone you stupid tomboy." She huffed exasparatedly.  
  
"I won't rest until I recover our dojo sign! And don't expect me to go easy on you this time."   
Akane adopted a Ryouga-esque pose of righteous anger.  
  
"That's my line." Ranko muttered as she fought down the urge to just blast Akane with a   
Mouko Takabisha so she could get inside and make dinner. "Look Akane, you're a hundred   
years too young to beat me. Go home." She knew that when Cologne used that line on her it   
only served to spur her on, but for some reason Ranko expected Akane to simply aquiese to   
her superior wisdom and give up. It was true too, since the battle dougi had shown what   
Akane could be capable of if she lived to be as old as the ghoul and actually trained   
properly, and it wasn't all that impressive as far as she was concerned.  
  
Akane purpled with rage at the slight to her skills. "I'll show you! Yaa!" She charged   
forward with her oh so predictable thrust kick opening.  
  
"Geez Akane, you start with that attack every time and it hasn't worked once." Ranko   
commented from her position perched atop Akane's head. She then hopped off and set about   
lazily dodging all of her foe's attacks as she pondered how to take Akane out today.  
  
One of the first things she had done since Happosai had started living with her and treating   
her nicely was to get him to teach some of those nifty pressure point attacks he and Cologne   
were so fond of. From her training under Genma she only knew a few simple ones to knock   
someone out or paralyse limbs, but Happosai had been all too happy to teach her some of the   
more esoteric attacks, and she was currently wondering if any were appropriate to use on   
Akane now. She didn't want to do anything permanent or really nasty like the Cat's Tongue   
or Ultimate Weakness Moxibustion, just a little something to inconvienience the tomboy and   
amuse herself.  
  
Settling on a plan, the redhead flipped over Akane, who had given up any kind of finesse and   
was now just flailing wildly at her opponent, and poked several spots around her kidneys.  
  
"What did you do to me?!" Akane demanded after an abrupt full body shudder.  
  
"I just hit your 'uncontrollable incontinence point'. There's a public restroom over there."   
Ranko pointed to a small building a few hundred yards down the street "I suggest you   
hurry."  
  
"Incontinence point? Don't be ridicul-" Akane suddenly got a wide eyed look and clenched   
her legs together. She whimpered slightly and started crabwalking as fast as she could in the   
direction Ranko had indicated.  
  
"Heh..." Ranko chuckled "There's just way too much potential to abuse stuff like that." It   
certainly wasn't the most honourable way to finish the fight, but as far as she was concerned   
Akane deserved what she got for stepping so far out of her league. With any luck it would   
convince her to leave well enough alone for at least a few days.  
  
***  
  
The next day at school, Ranko was surprised to be approached by one Nabiki Tendou after   
lessons had ended. "Ranko-san, I'd like to talk to you a moment." the middle Tendou sister   
intercepted the redhead as she was just leaving the gate.  
  
"Something I can do for you Nabiki-sempai?" Ranko asked, expecting this was about the   
dojo sign, and wondering why it had taken Nabiki so long to get involved.  
  
Of course, the reason Nabiki had not gotten involved was simple apathy. The dojo had no   
students anyway, so the sign was meaningless as far as she was concerned, and she   
personally had found Akane's 'quest' to be a source of incredible amusement. But last night   
her entire family had ganged up on her to come up with a solution after little sister's latest   
ignoble failure, which was why she was now here despite her better judgement.  
  
Because despite her unflappable exterior, Ranko scared Nabiki a bit. Nabiki had no   
blackmail information on the mysterious girl who had so abruptly went from complete   
nobody to focus of attention for most of the school a few weeks ago, and Nabiki had no   
desire to be victim to whatever Ranko had done to Akane last night. Then there were the   
rumours that Ranko was friends with Kodachi Kuno, and if the rumours and what her   
brother himself told her was true, the Black Rose was one seriously twisted bitch. Nope, if   
Nabiki had a choice, she would not be touching this situation with a ten foot bargepole.  
  
"Look Ranko-san, it's simple. My family has asked me to retrieve our dojo's sign. What do   
you want for it?" Nabiki winced internally, she was starting from a very weak position, and   
had essentially just handed over all negotiating power to her foe, but she really had no idea   
what Ranko wanted, nor anything to use as leverage. There was Ranko's connection to that   
bastard panty thief, but bringing that up would drive her own family name through the muck   
since he was the grandmaster of their school.  
  
Ranko shook her head "Sorry Nabiki, it's a matter of honour."  
  
Nabiki almost growled, but retained her control "Look Ranko, I don't give a rat's ass about   
you martial artists and your archaic concepts of honour. There has to be something I can do   
to get that sign back?" Gods this must really be hurting her reputation if anyone could hear   
her practically begging for the stupid piece of wood.  
  
Ranko was about to make another flat denial when a brilliant idea suddenly struck her. "I   
might have an idea Nabiki, why don't we discuss this over dinner? Your treat?" She smirked   
evilly, remembering all the times Nabiki had screwed her over for a little yen.  
  
***  
  
Shoulda known better... Ranko reflected as she twirled her chopsticks in the substandard   
bowl of cheap ramen. When Nabiki had taken her to this little yatai she hadn't the heart to   
put up a fuss about going somewhere more upscale. "Okay Nabiki, it's like this. I can't give   
the sign back yet, but I can promise to return it soon. But only after certain conditions are   
met."  
  
"What conditions would those be?" Nabiki asked guardedly, ignoring the sole glass of water   
she had ordered, seeing no need to waste more of her money when she could eat a proper   
meal upon returning home.  
  
"Well..." Ranko hesitated, wondering how much of her hand she should play "Firstly, I need   
you to tell me if your family is contacted by anyone named Saotome." In her old life she had   
arrived this coming Sunday, but she had no way of knowing if that would hold for the   
uncursed Ranma in this world.  
  
"Why would we be contacted by this Saotome? I don't know that name."  
  
Ranko smiled wanly "It's a matter of honour. I can't tell you the details yet..." Because she   
knew Nabiki would use those to ferret out more information, and she didn't want the   
Tendous' to be too well informed "But I have an interest in that family. Anyway, that's all I   
need from you. Once I have settled my business with the Saotomes, I'll return the sign." She   
considered just outright warning Nabiki off 'her fiance' but was concerned if she did that and   
it got back to Ranma he'd see her as some violent psycho chick.  
  
"That's it? You just want me to tell you if we are contacted by anyone named Saotome?"   
Nabiki asked suspiciously, it sounded way too simple.  
  
Ranko shrugged "I guess. Tell Akane to stop bothering me too."  
  
"Right..." Nabiki drawled out. As if she had any way of controlling her violent little sister.   
"Well, I guess that's enough. Bye." She got up and left, tonight she'd be asking her father all   
about this 'Saotome'. There had to be more to this than Ranko was letting on, and Nabiki   
wanted answers.  
  
"Bye." Ranko waved Nabiki off and considered her poor quality ramen. Oh well, she'd had   
worse, she drained the bowl in one long gulp and went home.  
  
*** 


	3. 8 and 9

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.   
A Not so Simple Wish  
by Ebiris (danielmcdonagh@hotmail.com)  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Ranko sipped at her lukewarm tea with a distasteful frown. It was raining rather heavily   
and she had been sitting at this kissaten for the better part of the afternoon. It had seemed   
like a good idea, today was the day she had arrived in Nerima what was literally a   
lifetime ago, so she had decided to stakeout the route she and pop had taken. But there   
was no sign of Ranma or Genma.  
  
That worried her. Though intellectually she knew the lack of a curse would change   
things - she had made a few detours to various training grounds in order to adjust to the   
new body, not to mention going off in random directions for a few days at a time to try   
and lose a certain homocidal amazon. Thinking things over, she decided that should   
mean Ranma would arrive early, yet she had heard nothing from Nabiki, so what could   
be delaying them?  
  
Sighing, she drained the last of her tea and ordered a fresh cup. I'll wait until it gets dark,   
she thought.  
  
***  
  
Several hours ago...  
  
"Ah, it's nice to be back in Japan again, right Pop?" A handsome young man with his   
hair in a pigtail and dressed in a dirty white gi addressed his companion after they   
stepped onto the docks from the cargo freighter they had stowed away on.  
  
[You said it boy.] A large shifty eyed panda produced a wooden sign from nowhere with   
it's message written in sloppy hiragana.  
  
"So, what are we gonna do now? Be nice ta settle down in one place for a while..." the   
boy trailed off wistfuly.  
  
[We're going to visit an old friend of mine.] quoth the panda.  
  
The boy snorted disdainfuly at this "You've got a friend, Pop? I find that hard ta believe."  
  
***  
  
A while later, on the outskirts of Nerima, Ranma was feeling much less charitably   
disposed towards his father. "Picking me fiance for me..." he interrupted the panda's   
flurry of punches by grabbing a meaty paw "Without even asking!?" he cried while   
tossing Genma over his shoulder. "Screw you old man. I'm outta here." Ranma turned his   
back on the downed panda and hefted his backpack. He didn't know where he would go,   
but he sure as hell wanted nothing to do with his father right now.  
  
Genma smirked in his own inimitable panda fashion as he uprooted a street sign and   
prepared to brain his unsuspecting son. The boy was far too cocky for his own good. He   
was unfortunately unprepared for the small redhead who suddenly came flying out of the   
nearby kissaten and floored him with a spinning roundhouse kick.  
  
"What the...?!" Ranma turned just in time to see the sign wielding panda hit the deck,   
and then watched in amazement as the petite girl proceeded to viciously kick his father   
about the ribs and stomach several times. "Uh... I think he's down..." he commented   
inanely.  
  
"Heh, Panda's can be tricky." The girl smirked before popping open an umbrella and   
holding it above both of them. "He was about to attack you from behind."  
  
Wow... she's really cute... Ranma thought as he took in her appearance. She was rather   
short, but exceptionally well formed, with a grace and tone that suggested rigourous   
training. She wore a knee length black skirt with a thigh slit that showed off quite a bit of   
leg, and a wooly green sweater which offset her beautiful wavy red hair. After taking all   
this in, Ranma's brain caught up with what she said and he responded in the only way he   
knew how. "Feh, I woulda dodged it easy."  
  
For some reason the girl's previously easygoing smile suddenly became a whole lot more   
strained at that comment. Not that Ranma noticed of course...  
  
***  
  
"Feh, I woulda dodged it easy."  
  
That arrogant bastard! Ranko thought furiously, taking his remark as a personal insult   
since *she* hadn't been able to dodge that exact same blow in her old life. Before she   
could formulate a suitably insulting reply, Genma proved he wasn't a master of Anything   
Goes martial arts for nothing, as he rose once more and smacked both teenagers with the   
street sign.  
  
Ranma was instantly rendered unconscious, and Genma caught him before he hit the   
ground then started hightailing it towards his old buddy Soun's house.  
  
Ranko on the other hand had grown a LOT more resistant to blunt trauma since arriving   
in Nerima, and barely stumbled before recovering swiftly. "Not this time, Pop." She   
whispered as the familiar yellow aura of confidence formed around her body "Mouko   
Takabisha!" The intense blast of ki rocketed from her outstretched hands and slammed   
into the fleeing panda with the force of a freight train.  
  
Quickly walking over to the downed father and son pair, she inspected the singed Genma   
and confirmed he really was out of it this time. Then she hefted the unconscious Ranma   
over her shoulders "Well... looks like you didn't dodge that one too well didja, tough   
guy?" she remarked sarcastically before grabbing Ranma's pack and heading home.  
  
After arriving at her apartment she set him down on the futon in her now sparsely   
decorated room. "Wonder why he's wearin' a gi?" She mused, before remembering that   
she had only stopped wearing those herself because her breasts kept popping out all the   
time, which was really embarassing. Making sure Ranma was comfortable, she put a   
damp cloth on his head (she didn't know why, but it seemed to be the appropriate thing in   
such situations) and went to start making dinner for the both of them. This might not   
have been how she planned their first meeting, but she was sure that waking up to a cute   
girl nursing him back to health with a delicious meal would put her in a good light.  
  
She was just tying her apron on when she noticed a light on her phone was blinking.   
Guessing she had a message, she went over and hit play to hear Nabiki's voice coming   
through and idly wondered how she had discovered her phone number.  
  
"Ranko-san, it's Nabiki. Daddy got a postcard today from a Genma Saotome saying that   
he's bringing his son Ranma here for an arranged marriage to either me or one of my   
sisters. Don't know when the Saotomes will arrive, but I'll call you when they do. Ja ne."  
  
"Heh, the fat panda will probably show up within an hour or so and scare the livin' shit   
outta them." She chuckled, wondering how Genma-panda would gain entrance to the   
Tendou home without Ranma there to smooth things along.  
  
***  
  
Ranma came to with a groan. "Ugh... dammit what hit me?" He sat up and took in his   
surroundings. He was on a futon in a fairly bare room, and his pack was nearby, which   
was a relief.  
  
"Ara, you're awake?" The redhead from earlier entered the room and smiled at him.  
  
"Uh, yeah... where am I?" He asked dumbly.  
  
"You're in my apartment." She suddenly blushed and put both hands over her cheeks   
"Oh! It's the first time a boy has been in my room. I'm so embarassed!" She shook her   
head back and forth rapidly.  
  
Had Ranma been paying attention he would have noted that the girl seemed to take   
definite amusement in her own words, alas his focus was captivated by what her sudden   
movements did to her chest and found himself momentarily speechless.  
  
The girl noted his gaze, but rather than getting upset, she seemed rather pleased. "Oh, I   
don't even know your name. I am Ranko Xiawang." She bowed formally towards him   
"Welcome to my home."  
  
"Aheh..." Ranma chuckled nervously and scratched the base of his pigtail. "I'm Ranma   
Saotome, pleased ta meetcha." He was about to get up and bow when Ranko's   
surprisingly strong hands forced him down again.  
  
"No need to get up, that horrible panda knocked you out, so you should rest." She   
remonstrated him gently. "Dinner is almost ready, I made enough for both of us. It's   
ginger seasoned sukiyaki."  
  
"Wow! I love sukiyaki!" Ranma said eagerly, already picking up the scent beginning to   
waft into the room.  
  
"Then it's a good thing I made lots, isn't it?" She smirked at him "Just lay there and I'll   
give you a shout when it's ready, okay?"  
  
"Sure!" Ranma nodded happily as Ranko glided out the room. Boy, what a nice girl!  
  
***  
  
[Tendou old buddy! So good to see you!] Proclaimed the sign held aloft by the enormous   
panda taking up the engwa of the Tendou home.  
  
"Father... your friend is a... panda?" Kasumi hesitantly asked while cowering behind   
Soun.  
  
"Does this mean one of us has to marry a panda? I know they're endangered and all, but I   
don't think that's the right way to go about increasing the population." Nabiki quipped,   
trying to mask her fear with humour.  
  
Soun shook his head so fast he ran the risk of whiplash injuries.  
  
The panda browfed and spun the wooden sign around to reveal a different message [If I   
could get some hot water, I can explain.]  
  
Kasumi rushed off to get a kettle, and promptly returned. "Here you are, Panda-san." She   
didn't seem as scared now, rather she was amused by the antics of what was apparently a   
well trained circus animal. The Saotome's must be very interesting to have such a pet!  
  
"That's better." Genma said after pouring the kettle over himself and reverting to a   
heavyset Japanese man in a gi.  
  
Yes... very interesting indeed... was Kasumi's last thought before fainting.  
  
Genma took in the sight of the entire Tendou family sprawled across the floor in   
unconsciousness. "This could take a while..." he mused.  
  
***  
  
"Ranma, dinner's ready!" Ranko called out as she finished setting the table.  
  
"Hey, it smells great." Ranma said admiringly as he came into the living room and   
kneeled at the kotatsu opposite his hostess.  
  
Ranko smiled genially at his compliment. Everything was going according to plan.   
"Itadakimas." She said before digging in, Ranma following suit.  
  
Ranma was making an honest effort to watch his manners while eating, but it was still far   
from civilized and he knew it. A glance at Ranko, however, showed she was devouring   
the meal with just as much gusto. "So, Ranko..." he began, trying to make conversation   
inbetween eating "What happened to my pop?"  
  
"Your father?" Ranko paused with her chopsticks just touching her lips and blinked in   
apparent confusion "I didn't see you were with anyone apart from that panda..."  
  
"Oh... hehe... right. I meant what happened to the panda..." Ranma corrected himself   
nervously.  
  
"Well..." Ranko tapped her chopsticks against her pouty lips as she seemed to be   
considering things "After that mean old panda knocked you out, it picked you up and ran   
off. I shudder to think of what it was planning to do to you..." She said in mock horror   
"But then it tripped and fell over." She sighed and shook her head sadly "After that I took   
you here so you could recover."  
  
Ranma grumbled something unintelligible about stupid fiances before raising his voice   
and asking "Didn't it do anything after it fell over?"  
  
"Oh no." Ranko's smile had a hint of cruel humour "He fell and couldn't get up."  
  
Ranma snorted "Good. I hope the zoo finds him... useless old man..." he grumbled before   
finishing off the last of the rice and sukiyaki and brightening "That was a great, thanks!   
You're a wonderful cook, Ranko." he patted his stomach cheerfully.  
  
Ranko had also finished her food and swiftly gathered up the dishes and placed them in   
the sink "Thankyou," she blushed demurely "I enjoy cooking." sitting back at the   
kotatsu, she changed the subject "So, are you a martial artist?" she made a show of   
looking up and down at his gi, although it really just looked like she was checking him   
out.  
  
Ranma puffed himself up pridefuly "Sure am. I'm the heir to the Saotome school of   
Anything Goes martial arts. I noticed from the way you move," and the kick you gave   
Pop "that you musta had some trainin' too."  
  
"Anything Goes? What a surprise, I practice that school too!"  
  
"Huh, you do?" Ranma eyed her mistrustfuly "You don't have anything to do with the   
Tendou school do you?"  
  
Ranko made a dismissive wave "That joke of a dojo? Don't be ridiculous! I defeated both   
the heir and master of the Tendou school last month. They can't even take on students   
now that I have their sign." She pointed to the sign which she had prominently placed   
next to the television set just for this conversation "Not that they've actually had any   
students in years anyway."  
  
Ranma lost his suspicion and grinned at her "I guess the Tendou school can't be any good   
if they lost to a girl!" He wondered why on earth Pop would want him to unite the   
Saotome school with such an obviously weak dojo.  
  
To her credit, Ranko didn't so much as twitch, although she decided a subject change was   
in order. "Yes well... oh! I just realised something, if you are the heir to the Saotome   
school, that must mean you're Nodoka's son!"  
  
"Nodoka?" Ranma repeated, confused by this new topic.  
  
"Yes! Your father is Genma Saotome right? You've been on a ten year training trip too,   
right?" Ranko had suddenly teleported from across the kotatsu so she was now kneeling   
right next to him, looking up at Ranma with an expression of earnest hope in her liquid   
blue eyes as she fired the questions at him.  
  
"Uh... yeah...?" Ranma backed off a little, slightly alarmed at the sudden proximity of   
such a really cute girl.  
  
"Oh, this is so wonderful!" Ranko gushed ecstaticly "I have to take you to meet her, I   
know she's been dying you see you again!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Your mother!"  
  
"I have a mother?"  
  
***  
  
Chapter 9  
  
"Of course, right away I sensed there was something fishy about this 'training ground',   
and I tried to impress that fact upon my idiot son. But the foolish boy just leaped onto   
one of the poles and started goading me..." Genma adopted a stricken look as he related   
his tale of woe to the assembled Tendou's who had now recovered from their shock at his   
transformation "I tried to keep a level head, but what kind of father would I be to allow   
my son to show such disrespect without disciplining him?"  
  
"Quite so, Saotome-kun." Soun interjected sagely, a stern look upon his features.  
  
"Indeed, Tendou-kun." Genma nodded appreciateivly at being shown some support.   
"Anyway, the boy does have some small skill in the art, only due to my dedicated   
training rather than any natural ability, so I fully intended to teach him the error of his   
ways and get away from this obviously cursed place. Alas he distracted me using   
cowardly and dishonourable tactics to-"  
  
Genma's rant was cut off as Nabiki decided to interject "Y'know, this Ranma really   
doesn't sound like much of a marriage prospect if what half of what you told us is true,   
Saotome-san" Not that she believed much of it anyway, mind you.  
  
Genma blinked at that. He was so much in the habit of making himself look good at the   
expense of his son that he had completely forgotten that one of these girls would need to   
want to marry Ranma for his plans to bear fruit. Coughing into his hand as he collected   
himself, Genma resumed his story "Um... yes... well... I went easy on the boy since he   
obviously couldn't be blamed for the overeagerness of youth, and he was able to knock   
me into one of the springs using some superb tactical awareness and flawless technique   
that I so painstakingly drilled into him over the years, truly he is a credit to the Saotome   
school." Genma paused and took a deep breath for effect "It was then that the true horror   
of Jusenkyo was made known to me."  
  
"So that's when you became a panda?" Kasumi asked.  
  
Genma nodded sollemnly "The shock of the change took the fight right out of me, luckily   
the guide explained that hot water would revert me to my original body."  
  
"So where is this 'Ranma'?" Akane asked acidly, before huffing "Not that I care since I'm   
not marrying him."  
  
Genma sweated nervously "We er... got seperated... but I'm sure he'll turn up, either that   
or I'll find him soon enough..."  
  
"Why aren't you looking for him now, Saotome-kun?" Soun asked "Then we can get a   
priest in here and he'll marry one of my girls and inherit the dojo!"  
  
"WHAT?!" Amazingly enough, that scream came from all three of Soun's daughters,   
who were less than impressed at this latest revalation.  
  
"I thought I was the heir to the dojo?!" Akane got right in her father's face as she   
furiously made her displeasure known.  
  
"Excuse me, but who is it that has kept us solvent all these years while you just sit in the   
dojo breaking bricks? If anyone is going to inherit the dojo it should be me." Nabiki   
cooly interjected after calming herself from the previous joint outburst.  
  
"Oh my, so I suppose all these years I've spent looking after the three of you and giving   
up on my education counts for nothing?" Kasumi's everpresent smile was in serious   
danger of slipping at this point.  
  
Soun whimpered like a whipped puppy at his daughters' collective anger "But if I give   
the dojo as a wedding gift to whichever one of you marries Saotome-kun's son, then we   
don't have to pay inheritance tax..."  
  
Nabiki seemed somewhat mollified by this argument, Akane and Kasumi however were   
not, so Soun tried a different tack "Well you can't all inherit it! Surely it's more fair to   
give it to whichever of you marries Ranma?" The last came out as a trembling whisper as   
he cringed at the awful sight of Kasumi and Akane's combined glare (actually in   
Kasumi's case it was her usual smile with just a little teeth shown and her left eyebrow   
twitching up a storm).  
  
Nabiki just sighed and excused herself. She had a phonecall to make.  
  
***  
  
"So, are you nervous?" Ranko looked up at her companion with a cheerful grin as they   
walked to the Saotome residence on the outskirts of Nerima.  
  
"Kinda..." Ranma chuckled nervously, he was now dressed in a Chinese style red shirt   
and silk trousers which he had recently purchased but kept in his pack until now since he   
could still get away with wearing a gi. "I mean, I haven't seen her in ten years, I don't   
even remember her. Will she even like me?" He asked, sounding rather lost and unsure   
of himself.  
  
"Don't worry, you have nothing to worry about..." Ranko's happy smile turned into a   
frown as she trailed off sullenly, thinking about her mother back in her old life. She still   
had nightmares about the time Nodoka had acted out making her commit seppuku in her   
sleep while staying over at the Tendou's. At least this Ranma wouldn't have the image of   
his mother forever tainted in such a horrible manner.  
  
Ranma, of course, failed to notice anything, too wrapped up in his own concerns.  
  
After walking in silence for a while, the pair finally reached Nodoka's house, and Ranko   
knocked on the door while Ranma started to fidget nervously. "You'll be fine." she gave   
him a reassuring smile which he reciprocated just before Nodoka answered the door.  
  
"Ranko-chan!" The kimono-clad woman exclaimed happily at seeing her guest "What a   
surprise. Who's your..." she looked at Ranma and trailed off, an expression of earnest   
hope on her face.  
  
"M... mom?" Ranma choked out, his emotions overwhelming him at the sight of the   
woman forgotten to his memory, but not to his heart.  
  
"Ranma?" Nodoka breathed, raising a hand up to his cheek almost as if to check he were   
real and not a mirage.  
  
Ranma clasped her hand and nodded, finding speech beyond him at this point.  
  
"Oh Ranma! My baby boy has come back!" Nodoka cried, forgetting decorum as she   
dove forward and enveloped her son in a massive hug, tears streaming down her cheeks   
"My son, I've waited so long for this day!"  
  
"Mom... I've missed you so much..." Ranma whispered as he awkwardly returned the   
hug, feeling totally blown away by the unconditional love he was feeling from his long   
lost mother.  
  
Ranko sniffed as she turned away from the heartwarming reunion. That was how it   
should have been for her, she thought while wiping at her eyes, cursing the dust that must   
have somehow flown into them.  
  
Eventually, Nodoka withdrew from the hug, but kept her hands on Ranma's shoulders   
"Let me look at you, son." she gushed "Oh, I knew you'd grow up to be a handsome,   
manly young man! I'm so proud!"  
  
Ranma blushed and fiddled with his pigtail under her glowing appraisal "Thanks   
mom..." he muttered, slightly embarrased.  
  
Nodoka seemed to collect herself as she recalled her other guest "Ranko-chan, are you...   
crying?"  
  
Ranma snapped out of his daze and turned his attention to the petite redhead who was   
shirking from their combined gazes.  
  
"I... I'm just so happy seeing you two finally reunited is all..." Ranko brushed at her face,   
wishing a hole in the ground would swallow her up rather than have them continue to   
stare at her when she was acting so weak and pathetic. Even if she was trying to be   
feminine, she still had her standards.  
  
Nodoka smiled understandingly while Ranma just looked on awkwardly, not knowing   
what to do or say.  
  
"Oh, why are we standing out here in the cold! Come in you two, come in!" Nodoka   
stepped back into the house and ushered the two teenagers in. "I haven't eaten yet so I'll   
make dinner for all of us. Is stewed daikon okay?"  
  
Neither Ranma or Ranko mentioned that they had just eaten, and both shared a secretive   
smile as they realised their thoughts were on the same wavelength.  
  
***  
  
Nabiki hung up the phone after leaving a message telling Ranko that Genma had arrived,   
while leaving out the more unbelievable aspects of his arrival. Who'd have thought a   
man could turn into a panda? It certainly rocked Nabiki's world view.  
  
Then there was the question of Genma's missing son coupled with Ranko's interest in the   
Saotome's. Given what Ranko had done to the Tendou dojo, perhaps she had waylaid   
and attacked Ranma and that was why he wasn't here?  
  
Nabiki shook her head to clear away such thoughts. She had too little information to   
make such wild guesses. Instead she returned to the foyer and was surprised to see Akane   
and Kasumi arguing.  
  
"Well I thought you were going to marry Tofu-sensei anyway?" Akane cried bitterly,   
distraught that her big sister had the love of the man she wanted, and was now trying to   
take the dojo that should rightfuly go to the school's heir; Akane.  
  
Kasumi gagged "Akane! He's thirty two years old! I'm still a teenager, I think I can do   
better than that, thank you very much."  
  
Nabiki raised an eyebrow as she listened in. She agreed with Kasumi about the age   
difference, but it was still a surprise to hear her normally placid big sister spell things out   
so bluntly.  
  
Akane blinked in surprise "But you're always so nice to him, and he acts funny whenever   
he sees you or even hears your name!"  
  
Kasumi threw up her hands in exasparation, this whole engagement business was   
destroying her usual meek facade "I'm nice to everybody!" Kasumi yelled in frustration   
"And don't you think I know about his 'acting funny'? Why do you think I have to study   
all those medical books? He nearly twisted my ankle off last time I went in for a   
checkup!"  
  
Soun and Genma were just looking on in shock as the girls argued back and forth.   
Eventually a grin spread across Soun's face "Just look, Saotome-kun, all of my daughters   
are eager to marry your boy!"  
  
"Haha, of course Tendou-kun! It's that old Saotome charm! The ladies can't resist!"  
  
"Now the schools will be joined for sure!"  
  
***  
  
Ranko had a bittersweet smile after sharing dinner with Ranma and Nodoka. Not once   
had the topic of seppuku pledges come up, nor had Nodoka so much as glanced at her   
katana. It really was a world of difference from what she knew.  
  
Now she was listening to Ranma detail his training over the years to a rapt audience of   
one. Ranko wasn't that impressed since she knew Ranma was actually toning it down for   
his mother's benefit, but she made the appropriate impressed noises when she felt it   
necessary.  
  
"So Ranma, where is your father?" Nodoka asked after Ranma had finished his tale.  
  
Ranma shrugged "Probably at his friends place. Tendou something or other."  
  
Nodoka looked distant for a moment as if she was trying to remember something before   
she slapped her fist into an open palm "Oh, I remember! Soun Tendou, that boy who was   
always hanging around with Genma before we got married. But why is he there instead   
of here?" She asked with a definite tone of disapproval.  
  
"Well, he wanted me ta marry one of Tendou's daughters, so I beat him up then bumped   
into Ranko here," he hooked a thumb at the redhead "and then she took me to see you."  
  
Nodoka grinned widely as she nodded "Of course, so you're going to marry Ranko-chan   
aren't you?"  
  
Ranma did a classic spit take with his tea and turned to look at Ranko who was giggling   
nervously "What?!"  
  
Nodoka looked puzzled "Didn't Ranko tell you? We agreed that she would marry you   
when you returned from your training trip."  
  
"I ain't got no time for fiances!" Ranma yelled in a panicked voice before composing   
himself (slightly) "Besides, girls are a distraction from the art!"  
  
"Well, Ranko has an interest in the art, and I think she's a lovely girl. Is there something   
wrong with her?" Nodoka asked, frowning.  
  
Ranma waved his hands in a a panicked gesture "No no no! She's real nice and all, but I   
just met her." He turned a betrayed look towards Ranko "And why didn't you tell me   
you're my fiance?!"  
  
Ranko was starting to panic herself, things were suddenly going badly for her when she'd   
thought it was all under control. She was so used to just blithely accepting new fiances   
turning up that she'd forgotten how against the engagements she'd been at the very   
beginning. "Um... I... I..." shit, shit, think of something genius! she mentally remonstrated   
herself "I wanted to surprise you?" she finished lamely.  
  
"Well mission accomplished!" Ranma yelled angrily.  
  
"Ranma!" Nodoka interjected in a steely voice "Even if you don't accept the engagement,   
that is still no way to talk to a young lady."  
  
"Sorry mom..." Ranma mumbled.  
  
Nodoka massaged her temples "Yes well, things obviously aren't going to be resolved   
easily. I suppose we should visit the Tendou's and see what my husband has to say about   
all this. Do either of you know where their home is?"  
  
"I go to school with two of the Tendou's, I know where it is." Ranko piped up miserably,   
not knowing how she had screwed up so badly.  
  
"Good, we'd best be off then." Nodoka gathered up her katana before leaving.  
  
Nope, that sure isn't a good sign, Ranko thought glumly as she fell in step behind the   
Saotomes.  
  
*** 


	4. 10 and 11

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.   
A Not so Simple Wish  
by Ebiris (danielmcdonagh@hotmail.com)  
  
Chapter 10  
  
"Do you have a picture of Ranma that we could look at?" Nabiki asked the large martial   
artist that was guzzling down sake with her father as they celebrated the imminent union   
of the schools.  
  
"Eh?" Genma took a moment to process the question in his alcohol fogged mind. "Oh,   
picture. Of Ranma... sure..." he rooted through his pack and retrieved a photograph,   
handing it to the girls to see "It's about a year old. Ranma's a bit taller than that now..."   
He then went back to getting drunk with his old buddy, Soun.  
  
"Hey, he is pretty handsome." Nabiki commented, maybe this engagement wouldn't be so   
bad after all. Provided of course that Ranko hadn't killed the poor guy or something...  
  
"He's passable." Akane shrugged noncommitaly. Heck, Kuno was fairly handsome and   
look at him! Though in fairness, Akane doubted Ranma (or anyone) could possibly be as   
messed up as Nerima's favourite samurai.  
  
"Oh my, Mrs Saotome must be very beautiful." Kasumi said in her usual oblivious tone,   
causing Nabiki to snicker loudly at the backhanded insult towards their guest. Akane just   
looked confused.  
  
"So, how are we going to decide which of us is going to marry Ranma?" Nabiki changed   
the subject.  
  
Akane snorted "Arranged marriages went out with the Shogunate, even if he was the   
greatest guy in the world I'd refuse out of principal. How about whichever of you two   
marries him gives the dojo to me since I'm the heir to the school?" She added the last part   
while making cute sparkly eyes at her two beloved big sisters.  
  
Neither of them fell for it. "Fat chance Akane. If I marry him - which I haven't decided   
yet - I'm keeping the house." Nabiki said.  
  
"Only as long as it takes to sell it." Kasumi finished for her "If anyone should inherit this   
place it should be me. I am the eldest after all. Provided Ranma isn't a horrible person, I'll   
be willing to marry him."  
  
"Don't count me out yet, sis. Let's wait till he shows up before we decide, after all, doesn't   
Ranma have a say in this too?" Nabiki returned cooly.  
  
Kasumi levelled a flat stare at Nabiki, before including Akane in her gaze "Be serious. If   
he has a choice between the three of us, just which one do you think he'll pick?" Kasumi   
made a show of looking each of her sisters over and finding them wanting.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Akane yelled angrily.  
  
Someone who didn't know the eldest Tendou daughter would swear that she smirked at   
that question, but of course Kasumi never smirks. No, she gave a serene smile filled with   
peace and familial love. "I only asked the question. You answered it, little sister."  
  
"I... uh... hey!...you... er... Shut up!" Akane huffed petulantly and crossed her arms in a   
sulking position.  
  
Nabiki just remained silent. There was no reasoning with Kasumi when she was in one of   
her moods, and arguing would just result in the eldest taking her frustrations out by   
doing things like serving smaller portions of food and putting a red sock in with the white   
laundry. Kasumi had a long memory for things like that.  
  
***  
  
Ranma was feeling rather guilty as he walked to the Tendou dojo with his mother and   
alleged fiancee. Nodoka was tightlipped and the perfect picture of stoic control, while   
Ranko looked like her world had fallen apart as she trudged along with her head down,   
only speaking up to give directions to Nodoka.  
  
Maybe he had been a little harsh by yelling at her like that, but it was hardly his fault the   
poor girl was so overwhelmed by his natural studliness and couldn't handle a mild   
rebuking. Anyone would be surprised at finding out he had several potential fiancees! It   
wasn't like he meant to hurt her feelings or anything, girls were just too sensitive about   
stuff like that. Still, she had been really nice to him, so it wouldn't hurt to apologise or   
something. Besides, her sulking was starting to become irritating, she was much better   
company when cheerful.  
  
"Hey Ranko?"  
  
"Yes?" Said girl looked up to eye Ranma curiously, hiding her annoyance at being   
distracted from trying to come up with a plan to salvage her situation.  
  
"Well... I just wanted ta..." Ranma unconsciously started fiddling with his pigtail as he   
fumbled for words "Y'know... er..."  
  
Ranko blinked. She knew exactly what that kind of fumbling meant; he was trying to   
apologise to her! And she hadn't even done anything wrong really, which meant she must   
have made a really strong impression on him. Seeing an opportunity to score major   
points, she interrupted his cack handed attempt at apologising "Ranma..." she bit her lip   
and looked away blushing "I'm really sorry about not telling you we were engaged... I   
just didn't want to pressure you." She looked up at him, her eyes glistening with unshed   
tears (while she hated anyone seeing her crying genuinely, she had no compunction   
against shedding a few artful tears for the greater good) "Can you forgive me?"  
  
Phew, saved! Thought Ranma cheerfuly "Aw, t'weren't nothin' Ranko, I don't mind." He   
smiled down at her.  
  
Sniff "I'm glad." Ranko gave Ranma a happy smile and walked on with her head held   
high.  
  
Ahead of the two, Nodoka grinned widely to herself. Those two would be married in no   
time at this rate, and then she'd have lots and lots of grandchildren to fuss over. She'd   
been without a family for too long, but now things were looking up for the Saotome   
matriarch.  
  
***  
  
"Maybe that's Ranma?" Nabiki asked her sisters as there was a knock at the front door.  
  
"Yesshh, I knew dat boy'd know whash gud for 'im and come 'ere to marry Soun's   
daughtersh... Ain't that right Tendou?" Genma drunkenly clapped a hand on his friends   
shoulder as he tried to recall if he had actually given the Tendou's address to Ranma.  
  
"Now the schools will be joined! Go and marry him girls, make daddy proud!" Soun   
waved victory fans as he encouraged his daughters, likewise drunkenly, albeit slightly   
less so than Genma.  
  
Kasumi shook her head at their antics as she went to answer the door, "Welcome to the   
Tendou dojo." she greeted the trio, recognising Ranko from last month as well as Ranma   
from the picture Genma had shown them. The older woman was a mystery to her though.  
  
Nodoka bowed "Hello, I am Nodoka Saotome. Is my husband Genma here?"  
  
"Oh, you're Saotome-san's wife? Come in, come in." Kasumi ushered them in, looking   
forward to the fireworks when Nodoka saw her husband was drunk as a skunk. The fact   
that the dojo destroyer girl from last month was here also promised an interesting   
evening.  
  
Nodoka spotted Genma as soon as they entered the foyer "Husband, what's this I hear   
about you arranging a marriage for Ranma?"  
  
Genma blinked owlishly at his wife "No-chan? The boysh gotta marry Tendou's   
daughters to carry on the schoolsh... an' that'll prove he'sh manly so you don' haveta kill   
us!"  
  
Ranko and Nodoka groaned while everyone else blinked at Genma's statement. "That's   
hardly an issue, dearest." Nodoka said in a measured tone "Now will someone explain to   
me what this arrangement with the Tendou's is about? I had already made arrangements   
for Ranma to marry Ranko-chan here." She indicated the redhead who grinned cockily at   
the Tendous.  
  
This threat to the joining of the schools finally roused Soun, who had fallen into an   
alcohol induced slumber "Ranma will marry one of my daughters!" The Tendou   
patriarch roared, his head expanding to several times it's normal size while flames burned   
in his eyes and his tongue lolled out several feet. Then he spotted Ranko discretely   
holding what looked like a small spherical firecracker and smiling at him in a most   
unnerving manner, causing him to go "Eeeep!" and hide behind Kasumi.  
  
Everyone looked around to see what had upset Soun so much, but Ranko had already   
hidden the Happodaikarin and looked far too cute and innocent to be viewed with   
suspicion by any right thinking individual.  
  
"What did you do to my dad?" Akane yelled furiously, pointing at Ranko.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about." Ranko sniffed haughtily, "He's probably just   
seeing things from being so drunk. Honestly, who'd want anything to do with an   
alcoholic like that."  
  
Soun started sobbing pathetically "Don't be so cruel! I drink to forget the pain!" he   
dissolved into wretched sniffles.  
  
Kasumi heaved a put upon sigh "Akane, would you take father to bed. Maybe then we   
can discuss this like adults?"  
  
Akane nodded as she hefted her father up by the shoulders and dragged him to his room.   
"You still love daddy, don't you Akane?" He asked as he was put to bed.  
  
"Sure, whatever..." Akane said, not really paying attention as she returned to the foyer,   
ignoring the fresh bout of wailing that came from Soun's room. Once she was back in the   
room, introductions were made between the Tendous and Nodoka.  
  
"Okay then, now Genma... huh? Where'd Genma go?" Nodoka looked around,   
wondering where her husband had vanished off to.  
  
Everyone else just stared at the large indiginous Chinese mammal which was playing   
with a tire and holding a sign saying [I'm just a cute panda!] Genma having lost his   
courage after Soun was taken out of the discussion.  
  
"Pop, you sure are pathetic." Ranma grumbled as he kicked his ursine father and   
splashed a handy cup of still warm tea on the panda.  
  
Nodoka then did what the Tendous had done earlier and fainted.  
  
Ranko just stood there until she noticed Ranma and the Tendou sisters were staring at   
her expectantly. "Oh my god! That panda turned into a man, I have never seen such a   
thing!" She cried out in mock shock. Everyone then nodded, seemingly satisfied with her   
reaction.  
  
Since everyone was just standing around awkwardly, Ranko took it upon herself to tap a   
few pressure points on Nodoka to revive her.  
  
"Oh, I could have sworn I saw a panda turn into my husband..." Nodoka muttered as she   
got up.  
  
Ahem "Yes well..." Genma made use of a little known martial arts trick to sober up   
quickly - after all, his cushy retirement at the Tendou dojo was being threatened! "Soun   
and I decided that the two schools of anything goes martial arts would be joined by the   
marriage of Ranma to one of his daughters." He put on his best stern face "It is a matter   
of honour!"  
  
"Well why didn't you ever tell me, dearest? I'd already made arrangements for Ranma to   
marry Ranko-chan." Nodoka sighed and tried to work out a crink in her neck from when   
she fainted "Can I see the contract of betrothal you made with Soun?"  
  
Genma looked thoughtful for a moment before saying "I don't have one, it's a verbal   
agreement. But Ranma must marry a Tendou!"  
  
"But I've already signed a contract of bethrothal with Ranko!" Nodoka fretted, wringing   
her hands in frustration.  
  
"We went to the temple so it was signed on holy ground." Ranko piped up helpfuly,   
earning a glare from Genma, which she returned with equal force.  
  
"Well, who do you want to marry, Ranma?" Nodoka turned to her son, who started at   
finally being included in the conversation.  
  
"I dunno, I just met all these girls! I'm too young ta get married anyway!"   
  
"Right, and which of you girls wants to marry my son?" Nodoka looked at the four   
young ladies in attendance, completely dismissing Ranma's concerns about getting   
married too early.  
  
The three Tendou sisters formed a huddle to discuss this amongst themselves. Akane was   
still adamantly against the whole thing, while Nabiki had decided to waive her claim   
since she didn't want to get on Ranko's bad side. After a moment, Kasumi stepped   
forward and said "I would be willing to marry Ranma-kun to meet the demands of   
honour for my family."  
  
Nodoka smiled. Kasumi seemed like a very nice girl, though she still hoped things would   
work out between her son and Ranko-chan. "And you aren't going to give up are you,   
Ranko-chan?" She asked the redhead.  
  
"I don't want to force Ranma into anything," Ranko said, now knowing better than to   
push things too fast "but I think I'd like to marry him if he'll have me..." she looked down   
shyly and traced patterns on the floor with her foot.  
  
Nodoka clapped joyfully "Then it's settled. Ranma, you may date them both!"  
  
***  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Ranma sputtered incoherently at his mother's declaration for a moment before he found   
his voice "You want me to two time them?!" Sure, he knew he was practically the   
epitome of manliness, but he'd never actually had a girlfriend before! Now his mother   
tells him to two time his alleged fiancees?  
  
Nodoka noticed both Kasumi and Ranko were looking rather miffed (although Ranko's   
expression seemed a lot more accepting, as if it was just one of those distasteful things   
that she had gotten used to) and realised her words hadn't been especially well chosen.   
"No, no, I didn't mean it like that!" she waved her hands in a placating gesture "I just   
thought that since you need to get to know them both before making a decision, dating   
them seems the best way to do that, right?"  
  
"But Ranma shouldn't be dating that girl at all!" Genma pointed accusingly at Ranko,   
who scowled back "Ranma has to marry one of Soun's daughters to carry on the dojo!"   
And provide for me in my cushy retirement, although that thought was left unspoken.  
  
"Why the hell would I want to carry on this worthless dojo anyway? They lost their sign   
to a girl!" Ranma indicated Ranko, who was torn between puffing up at her triumph, or   
getting upset at Ranma's casual dismissal of her skills.  
  
"Hey!" Yelled all three Tendous, taking exception to Ranma's description of their dojo as   
'worthless'.  
  
All colour drained from Genma's face "What?" he asked hoarsely, visions of his peaceful   
life of drinking beer and playing shogi with Soun while Ranma ran a successful dojo and   
provided to his every need evaporated before him. Still, Genma is nothing if not good at   
coming up with hare-brained plans. "Boy!" he pointed at his son, mustering up every   
once of paternal presence he could "For the honour of the Anything Goes school of   
martial arts, you must defeat that girl and recover the dojo sign!"  
  
"Why the hell should I old man?!" Ranma yelled right back "I ain't no Tendou, if they   
can't protect their sign, they don't deserve it!"  
  
Ranko gave a silent cheer to Ranma showing some backbone, sparing a moment to regret   
she hadn't done the same during that whole mess with the instant nannichuan and the   
dojo destroyer.  
  
"Dearest!" Nodoka cut in, sounding mortified "How can you even ask Ranma to attack   
his fiancee?"  
  
"Yeah, besides, she practices Anything Goes too, so it would hardly be 'for the honour of   
the school' if I were to beat her." Ranma added, nodding at his own wisdom.  
  
Ranko frowned slightly, but was able to force down the urge to disabuse him of the   
notion that he would automatically win any fight between them, since that would only be   
counterproductive. It was still getting pretty annoying though.  
  
"What?" Genma peered at Ranko through his glasses "Who taught you, girl?" he asked   
gruffly.  
  
Ranko rolled back on her heels and adopted her most disgustingly cute 'golly mister,   
won't you give me an extra scoop of icecream, please?' expression as she smiled   
guilelessly at Genma "Grampa." she said simply.  
  
"Your grandfather?" Genma furrowed his brow in puzzlement, wondering who on earth   
she could be referring to.  
  
"Uh huh." Ranko nodded cheerfuly "He's not really my grandfather, but I call him that   
since he's just like one. His name's Happosai..." Genma blanched severely and started   
making strangled choking noises, but Ranko continued prattling on as if she didn't notice   
"He's so nice, and he just completely adores me! Why I bet he'd do anything for me if I   
asked!"  
  
Nodoka looked at Ranko in surprise "You know Happosai-sensei? But Dearest told me   
he died just before he left with Ranma."  
  
Ranko looked askance at Nodoka; there almost seemed to be some affection in her tone   
when referring to the old letch. That was certainly unexpected "Yes, he disappeared just   
after he started training me when I was little, but he came back fairly recently. He's out   
of town now, but should be back in a few days."  
  
"Wish he'd never come back. Tiny perverted bastard..." Nabiki grumbled quietly, still   
bitter over her first meeting with the diminiutive grandmaster of Anything Goes.  
  
"Boy!" Genma grabbed Ranma and started shaking him roughly, having regained a   
modicum of courage upon hearing the Master was not in the immediate vicinity "You   
have to marry Kasumi before the Master comes back! Do it for your old man! Take one   
for the team, come on boy!" he pleaded desperately.  
  
"Don't I feel special." Kasumi muttered bitterly, causing Akane to give her big sister a   
concerned glance before marching up and grabbing Ranma.  
  
"Hey, don't you know how lucky you are that Kasumi is agreeing to this engagement?   
Are you trying to say my big sister isn't good enough for you or something?" She yelled   
angrily.  
  
Ranma was looking decidedly nonplussed at being shaken around by both his father and   
this angry girl "I didn't ask for no fiancees dammit!" He yelled, working free of their   
respective grasps "Mom, can we go home now? I don't wanna deal with this crap right   
now."  
  
Nodoka sighed. Her son was being annoyingly stubborn, but it was clear nothing was   
going to get resolved tonight. "Very well, let's go. I'll be by for a chat tomorrow Kasumi-  
chan, is that alright?" she smiled at the eldest Tendou daughter.  
  
Kasumi nodded "Why don't you come round at lunchtime?"  
  
"That sounds lovely, Kasumi-chan, I look forward to getting to know you better."   
Nodoka said as she started to leave with Ranma before turning round "Aren't you   
coming, Dearest?"  
  
"Huh? But I was going to stay here..." Genma muttered petulantly.  
  
Nodoka frowned "You can visit Soun whenever you like, but you are supposed to live   
with me. Besides, now that your training journey is over you can get a job, it'll be nice to   
have a decent income coming into the house."  
  
Genma looked close to tears, but obediently followed his wife and child like a whipped   
puppy.  
  
"And take your floozy with you!" Akane called out to Ranma as she started pushing   
Ranko towards the door.  
  
"Hey! I resemble that remark!" Ranko protested as she allowed herself to be ushered out.  
  
***  
  
"...and now it turns out he's engaged to Kasumi!" Ranko related her tale of the previous   
evening to Kodachi as the two drank tea in a small cafe near Ranko's apartment "I mean,   
Akane I could handle, she's just an uncute tomboy..." Ranko was convieniently forgetting   
the fact that she had a soft spot for Akane in her old life, but her Akane was way different   
than this one anyway. I mean, she had short hair! "And Nabiki... well, she's pretty much   
a bitch. But Kasumi? How the hell am I gonna compete with her?"  
  
Kodachi smirked at her friend getting so worked up, it was really quite funny to see her   
like this "Come now, don't sell yourself short. Any man would be lucky to have you." she   
offered consolingly.  
  
Ranko slumped in her seat "I dunno, 'Dachi... I mean, yeah we got off to a pretty good   
start and all, but it's Kasumi! She's like... I dunno, the nicest girl in the world or   
something."  
  
"Niceness is highly overrated." Kodachi remarked drolly.  
  
"Heh, shoulda figured you'd say somethin' like that." Ranko grinned, starting to lift her   
spirits. After all, it was true that there had never been any sexual chemistry between   
herself and Kasumi back when she had been Ranma.  
  
"So, when am I going to meet this mysterious fiance of yours?" Kodachi asked while   
indicating to the nearby waitress that she wanted a refill.  
  
Ranko shrugged "He's supposed to be starting at Furinkan tomorrow. I'll bring him by   
here after school. Just remember," she waggled her forefinger at Kodachi in a mock   
reproving manner "he's my fiance and I've already got enough competition. Don't you be   
getting any ideas about going after him."  
  
Kodachi pouted "Oh poo, you're no fun at all."  
  
***  
  
Ranma was just leaving for school the next day, grumbling about having to wear a   
uniform, when he spotted Kasumi standing outside his front gate. "Hey Kasumi, what are   
you doin' here?" He greeted her as he walked over.  
  
Kasumi smiled at him "Good morning Ranma-kun. As to why I am here..." she gave a   
small sigh "Father felt it would be best if I were to walk my fiance to school."  
  
Ranma, despite being rather dense and unobservant around women, still noticed Kasumi   
seemed less than thrilled to be here. "We didn't really get much chance to talk the other   
day, but I take it you're not too happy about this arranged marriage stuff?" he asked as   
they started walking towards Furinkan.  
  
"Well... it is a matter of honour, and neither of my sisters were willing..." Kasumi said   
hesitantly.  
  
Ranma nodded "I get it, so they just dumped it on you, huh?" he asked, hiding his   
annoyance that the other two Tendous thought he wasn't good enough for them.  
  
"Oh no, it's not really like that!" Kasumi protested "I mean, I don't mind... and it's not   
that Akane and Nabiki dislike you, Akane just has an objection towards anyone trying to   
dictate her life, and Nabiki didn't want to get involved because of Ranko-chan."  
  
Ranma eyed her suspiciously "And you don't mind your fiance already bein' engaged to   
some other girl?"  
  
Kasumi looked away "I'd be lying if I said that this is how I imagined my engagement to   
turn out... still, perhaps your mother was right when she said we should just get to know   
one another and see how things turn out, without having to worry about who has the   
more valid claim."  
  
"I guess so... I don't really want ta get married just yet, but I wouldn't mind having a   
girfriend. I just don't wanna lead anyone on though..."  
  
"Well, just don't take too long in deciding then." Kasumi advised him before noticing   
they were just coming up on her old high school "Here we are, Ranma-kun. I made you a   
bento." she took a lunchbox from her handbag and gave it to Ranma.  
  
"Thanks Kasumi!" Ranma gleefuly accepted the proffered food "Mom already made me   
a lunch, but I'm a big eater."  
  
"Just don't eat too much, I wouldn't want you to wind up like your father." Kasumi   
giggled as she poked him in the ribs.  
  
"Pop ain't fat, he's just big boned..." Ranma trailed off on noticing Kasumi's sceptical   
expression "Aw heck, I don't believe it either, but it's what he always says."  
  
Kasumi smiled, Ranma might be a little rough around the edges, but he was pretty good   
company. "Have a nice day at school, Ranma-kun."  
  
"Thanks Kasumi, I will. See ya later." He called to her retreating back. He then passed   
the gates of Furinkan High. He had the feeling today was going to be a good day.  
  
***  
  
OMAKE THEATRE  
(just this once, I couldn't resist)  
  
Ranma sputtered incoherently at his mother's declaration for a moment before he found   
his voice "You want me to two time them?!" Sure, he knew he was practically the   
epitome of manliness, but he'd never actually had a girlfriend before! Now his mother   
tells him to two time his prospective fiancees?  
  
Nodoka snorted in a nonetheless ladylike manner "Hmph, don't be so vulgar. Kasumi, so   
pure, so tidy. Ranko, bursting with healthy beauty. Both so dear, I can give up neither.   
Do you call it deceit to openly wish them both?"  
  
Ranma considered this for a moment before grinning "Heck no! I call it my just reward!   
Come on girls, let's find somewhere private before we get to know each other better..."  
  
Kasumi blushed, but her usual smile had aquired a decidedly lecherous quality "Oh my,   
Ranma-kun! It's a good thing you have enough energy for us both. That's what I love   
about you younger men..."  
  
Ranko watched Ranma and Kasumi head off to the bedroom in shocked amazement   
before shrugging. "Hell, I always was a bit of a narcissist anyway. Ranma! Wait for   
me!" she called out while rushing after them, disrobing as she went.  
  
*** 


	5. 12 and 13

Chapter 12  
  
Just as Ranma stepped into the grounds of Furinkan High school, he was passed by a girl   
he vaguely recognised as Kasumi's little sister. The girl was running and quietly chanting   
a mantra that sounded suspicously like "I hate Ranko, I hate Ranko, I HATE RANKO!"  
  
Said redhead was just about to peacefully make her way into the main building without   
incident when Akane made her presence known with her usual "Ranko Xiawang! I   
challenge you!" (she had finally stopped making the 'Reiko' mistake last week).  
  
"Aw geez, Akane. Give it a rest, you suck." Ranko made a half hearted protest as Akane   
launched into a flurry of attacks. The scene was mostly ignored by the students as being   
routine, but Ranma was one of the few people who were watching intently.  
  
Ranko was standing in a relaxed pose with one hand still clutching her bookbag while   
the other hand darted about to intercept every single one of Akane's attacks with no sign   
of real effort. She wasn't even looking at her opponent as her eyes were fixed upon the   
school clock "You're gonna make us both late ya stupid uncute tomboy."  
  
Ranma sniggered. He'd have to remember that insult.  
  
"Dammit, why can't I beat you?!" Akane raged as she increased the ferocity of her   
attacks, yet every blow was gently redirected by a single finger on Ranko's dainty hand.  
  
"Because you suck, Akane." Ranko explained in a tired tone of voice "In fact, I feel my   
own skill is degrading just from having to waste time on your stupid challenges. You're   
not even a real martial artist, just a little girl that likes to pretend. In fact... from now on   
I'm going to treat you exactly as you deserve." so saying, she trapped Akane's fist after   
her next punch and yanked her off balance before trapping the girl in a headlock.  
  
"Let me go!" Akane protested as she flailed wildly, trying to find purchase to reverse or   
counter the hold to no avail.  
  
Ranko got an evil gleam in her eye as she announced dramatically "Anything Goes   
Ultimate Noogie Attack!" and started rubbing Akane's head with her knuckles. She   
wasn't going very fast (by her standards) since her full speed would likely set the poor   
girl's head on fire, but it was certainly enough to hurt.  
  
After a few seconds of this, Akane was released and fell stumbling into the arms of her   
would be beloved. "Akane Tendou, do you require assistance?" Asked the Blue Thunder   
(although he only decided upon that name this morning and had yet to use it, so everyone   
still thought of him as the Shooting Star).  
  
This latest humiliation from her hated foe was enough to eat away at Akane's pride as   
she looked up at Kuno with tear filled eyes "Kuno-sempai, if you love me then why do   
you always let her beat me?" she asked pathetically.  
  
Kuno stood tall and adopted his usual regal demeanour as he postured dramatically "It is   
not the place of a samurai to interfere in the affairs of women. It is obvious that Ranko   
Xiawang is jealous of our love and seeks to win my attention by besting you in combat.   
But fear not, Akane Tendou, for her love will go unrequited."  
  
Akane chose not to refute his inference that she loved him, just this once since she was   
trying to get his help.  
  
Ranko sighed heavily as she wondered just what went on in Kuno's sorry excuse for a   
brain "I already have a fiance, Kuno-baka, and I definitely ain't interested in you. But are   
you trying to say I'm not good enough or somethin'?"  
  
Kuno gave Ranko a pitying glance before speaking "While it is true you are both comely   
and possessing of the fierce heart of a tigress, it would be unseemly for a member of the   
noble house of Kuno to consort with an ai no ko such as yourself."  
  
Ranko's eyes lit up. So that was why Kuno didn't harass her this time! She hadn't really   
given any thought to the fact that she was half Chinese in this life - it even made a kind of   
twisted sense since her girl body was 'born' in China from Jusenkyo's waters. Still, even if   
she was glad Kuno wouldn't be harassing her, she couldn't let his racist remarks lie.   
"Your sister doesn't have any problem 'consorting' with me." She said, drawing herself up   
to her full height - which of course wasn't very impressive since she was five foot   
nothing.  
  
Kuno raised an eyebrow "Indeed? Kodachi is sadly perverse in her actions and does not   
always act as befitting a person of her station. She takes a sick delight in acting out   
against the proper rules of society. Truly my wicked sister is a depraved soul!" The   
samurai wannabe raised his bokken to the heavens and wept righteous tears as he   
badmouthed his own flesh and blood.  
  
"Man, you really are dumb. First you insult me, then you insult my friend." Ranko said   
before kicking him in the face, incidentally providing a free show of her panties to   
anyone who cared to look. Not that she particularly cared about that since she only   
bothered to fake feminine modesty when really thinking about it.  
  
"That did not hurt." Kuno spoke in a montone.  
  
"That's 'cause you're too dumb." Ranko replied before flicking his forehead, causing him   
to topple over unconscious before she turned and entered the school.  
  
"She's better than I thought..." Ranma said to himself as he watched his fiancee go,   
wondering just how much she was holding back.  
  
***  
  
"Class, we have a new student starting today," the teacher said, gesturing to the pigtailed   
boy at the front of the room. "He has just returned from a trip to China. Why don't you   
introduce yourself?"  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome, heir to the Saotome school of Anything Goes martial arts. Nice to   
meet ya." Ranma bowed to the class and grinned, attracting more than one appreciative   
glance from the girls of classroom 1-F.  
  
"Very well." the teacher nodded "Are there any free seats?"  
  
"He can sit next to me!" Ranko was bouncing up and down while waving her arm as she   
indicated the empty desk next to her own. The males of the class particularly appreciated   
the display they were treated to as her actions did interesting things to her chest.  
  
"But where am I going to sit?" Gosunkugi whined plaintatively from his position on the   
floor, having just been rudely shoved from his seat.  
  
"I don't care, find somewhere else." Ranko hissed out the corner of her mouth before   
flashing a big innocent smile at Ranma.  
  
The teacher adjusted his glasses. He could have almost sworn that that there was   
supposed to be someone occupying the desk in question. Oh well, not like it really   
mattered "Very well, you may sit next to Xiawang-kun." He told Ranma, who dutifully   
went and sat down.  
  
Gosunkugi sat and sulked in his new seat at the back of the class.  
  
A few minutes later a despondent Akane Tendou trudged into the class. "You're late,   
Tendou." the teacher observed.  
  
"I... I have a note from the nurse..." Akane said in a small voice, still nursing her sore   
head.  
  
The teacher sighed, not even bothering to look at the note "Again? Fine, take a seat so I   
can get back to the lesson."  
  
After the class ended and they had a few minutes until the next teacher arrived, Yuka   
turned to give a mock glare towards Ranko "What's the big idea putting the moves on the   
new boy, huh Ranko-chan? What about that fiance you're always telling us about?" she   
teased.  
  
"Yuka, meet Ranma; my fiance." Ranko said drolly as she gestured between the two.  
  
Everyone in the classroom instantly leapt on that statement as the girls glared at Ranko   
for snagging the handsome new guy while the guys glared at Ranma for stealing   
arguably the cutest girl in school (Akane used to hold that slot until the revalations about   
her weird taste in porn made every guy except Kuno rather wary of the youngest Tendou.   
The fact that she constantly sought out beatings from Ranko also led many to believe she   
was a closet masochist).  
  
"It wasn't my idea!" Ranma protested, still not comfortable with the idea of being   
engaged.  
  
Ranko looked at Ranma with a totally downcast expression "Oh.. I see... *sniff* I'm not   
good enough for you..." she made her eyes start to tear up and looked the picture of   
abject misery.  
  
"N-no, that's not it!" Ranma stammered, waving his hands in protest, wondering how this   
girl could one minute be so self assured and the next she'd go to pieces over a tiny little   
thing. I'm just such a great guy she obviously can't handle me being upset with her,   
Ranma thought, cursing his overpowering masculinity which girls just had no defence   
against.  
  
"So you don't hate me?" Ranko asked in a tiny quavering voice, affecting a cute pout.  
  
"Ahaha! Of course not!" Ranma laughed nervously and scratched the base of his pigtail.  
  
"Stop flirting with her! You're supposed to be engaged to my sister!" Akane yelled at   
Ranma, thoroughly sickened by this display.  
  
"He's engaged to Nabiki? Poor guy..." Muttered Hiroshi, sadly not quiet enough for   
Akane heard him.  
  
"What are you saying about my sister?!" The tomboy rose from her desk and advanced   
menacingly on the boy. "Besides, it's Kasumi that he's engaged to, not Nabiki."  
  
"How can you be engaged to two girls?" Yuka asked curiously, trying (and failing) to   
picture Ranma with Akane's eldest sister.  
  
"It's Mom and Pop's fault..." Ranma grumbled "They both arranged marriages with me   
for different girls..."  
  
Yuka eyed Ranko dubiously "And you don't mind sharing your fiance with someone   
else?"  
  
"It's not that we're sharing," Ranko protested "it's just that Ranma needs time to decide   
between us. Besides..." she gazed up at Ranma with a lovestruck expression "I think he's   
worth it..." she sighed dreamily, followed by half the girls in the class. The boys just   
grumbled quietly amongst themselves about Ranma being a lucky bastard.  
  
***  
  
Ranko dusted her hands after she finished stacking the gym equipment in the storage   
room. She had been pulled out of study hall to help move the stuff becuase, as one girl   
had put it 'Oh Ranko-chan, you're so strong!'. She didn't really mind since she wasn't   
really doing much studying and she tended to get this job at least once a week. But it sure   
would be nice if the other girls would stick around to see the job to the finish rather than   
just ditching her to do it all by herself!  
  
She stepped out of the room onto the small paved area behind the gym and was about to   
head straight back to class when she was stopped by a voice.  
  
"Ranko Xiawang, I would speak with you."  
  
Said redhead sighed as she recognised the owner of that pompous voice. "Whaddya want,   
Kuno?" she asked tiredly, wondering what the hell he was even doing here since this area   
was typically devoid of students. For that matter, why was he even talking to her, since   
she was usually beneath his notice.  
  
"Know that I have heard your plight, and it pains my noble heart that your love should   
go unrequited due to the harsh demands of Japanese society." Kuno droned on as he   
stepped closer to Ranko.  
  
Ranko smirked "Heh, don't worry about it. I'll get by without your love." She none too   
gently pushed the kendoist out of her way and started marching out from behind the gym.  
  
"Nay!" Kuno clapped a hand on her shoulder "I cannot bear to see this injustice pass!   
Even if we can never show our love in public for fear of the scandal it would cause, there   
is nothing to prevent us consumating our passion in secret!"  
  
He did *not* just proposition me! "Excuse me?" Ranko asked, her voice deceptively soft.  
  
"I cannot date with thee, but if we are careful we can still have dalliance together in   
private." Kuno said, oblivious to Ranko's rapidly rising ire.  
  
"And what about Akane?" Ranko asked, still softly voiced, though her eyebrow was   
twitching rapidly.  
  
"Ah, Akane! Sweet tigress of my heart! Indeed my love for her is as boundless as the sky.   
But worry not, fair Ranko, for I have love enough to let you bask in my manl-  
AIIIEEE!!" Kuno abruptly stopped talking and started screeching as Ranko kicked him   
square in the balls.  
  
Ranko spat on the ground next to him and snarled "Just when I think you can't sink any   
lower, you just have to surprise me don't you? Listen good Kuno, I do not love you. In   
fact, I don't want you to even speak to me ever again!" She turned on her heel and   
stormed away, steaming mad.  
  
"I can't believe that asshole!" she hissed furiously "At least when I was the pigtailed girl   
he made an effort to be romantic, but now he just thinks of me as some sort of cheap   
slut" Breathing heavily from supressed rage, she gave one last glance to the gym building   
which Kuno had yet to emerge from behind "I'm going to ask 'Dachi to give him such a   
poisoning!"  
  
***  
  
Chapter 13  
  
Lunchtime had finally arrived and Ranko was now in far better spirits, her encounter   
with Kuno more or less dismissed from her mind. Now she'd be able to impress Ranma   
with her delectable cooking by giving him a free lunch, which would no doubt take him   
one step closer to falling in love with her so she could get back to her old life as Ranma   
herself. The fact that the free food gambit never really worked for Shampoo and Ukyo   
was convieniently forgotten.  
  
"Here you are, Ranma. I made a bento for you!" Ranko smiled cutely as she held out the   
proffered lunchbox to the pigtailed boy, the pair of them sitting together under one of   
Furnikan High's numerous trees.  
  
Ranma grinned as he accepted it and pulled two more lunchboxes from his bag "Thanks   
Ranko, I've already got lunches from Mom and Kasumi, but there's always room for   
more!"  
  
Ranko ignored her own lunch as she stared at the familiar oval bento decorated with   
fishcake swirls "Kasumi made that?" she asked in a strange tone of voice. She could   
already imagine the exquisite taste of Kasumi's lovingly made lunch, the exquisite fluffy   
rice and juicy little squid sausage tantalising her taste buds. While Ranko considered   
herself a pretty good cook, she desperately missed the sweet taste of Kasumi's cooking -   
not even her mother's could compare!  
  
"Yeah... you're not jealous or nuthin' are you?" Ranma asked, slightly defensively as he   
misinterpreted her meaning.  
  
Ranko licked her lips as she ignored Ranma to focus fully on the no doubt delectable   
lunch that was just out of reach. The fact that said lunch was on Ranma's lap made the   
boy misinterpret her once more as he started to discreetly shift away from the spellbound   
girl.  
  
"Uh... Ranko... I don't think..." he started saying but was abruptly interrupted as the   
redhead thrust her own lunchbox under his nose.  
  
"I'll trade you my lunch for Kasumi's!" she blurted out eagerly.  
  
"But you already gave me a lunch...." Ranma pointed out, indicating the bento he had   
just been given.  
  
"This one's better since I made it for myself." Ranko blithely dismissed his concerns with   
a wave of her hand.  
  
"I don't think I should give you this... I mean, Kasumi did make it for me, after all."   
Ranma cradled Kasumi's bento protectively, causing Ranko to make distressed   
whimpering noises.  
  
"Please!" Ranko looked up at him with the most pathetic begging expression she could   
muster "I'll give you my lunch and..." she started fishing through her pockets and drew   
out a crumpled note and some coins "One thousand and... sixty five yen!"  
  
Ranma was now starting to figure out that Ranko wanted the lunch, not to deprive him of   
Kasumi's food in some kind of oneupmanship, rather she just wanted it because it was   
really that good. This of course made him even more protective "That's alright Ranko,   
you just eat your lunch and I'll eat mine." he said reasonably.  
  
"No... I'll do anything for that bento... Anything!" Ranko looked at Ranma with a   
pleading expression which caused Ranma to swallow a lump in his throat as he thought   
of several things he could ask of her...  
  
"Um.. Y-you d-don't havta do nothin' Ranko, howsabout we just share?" he said,   
blushing furiously.  
  
"Wai! Thankyou!" Ranko cried out joyfully as she grabbed Kasumi's bento and dug in.   
Good God, she had missed this! Only one more reason to get back her old life so she   
could enjoy Kasumi's cooking every single day... or at least every single day until   
Kasumi moved out, then it would be Akane's cooking for the rest of her life. Ranko   
shuddred violently at the prospect, but the wonderful taste of Kasumi's lunch soon   
washed away her doubts and she immersed herself in one of her favourite activities; that   
being eating fine cuisine.  
  
The two of them spent the rest of lunch happily eating together, although Ranma kept   
getting distracted by the downright orgasmic moans of delight his companion made after   
nearly every bite. For her part, Ranko was just pleased at eating Kasumi's much missed   
cooking, and was blissfully unaware of the effect she was having on her erstwhile fiance.  
  
***  
  
"Man, I'm glad today's over," Ranma leaned back with his hands clasped behind his head   
"I'd forgotten how boring school is."  
  
"No kidding." Ranko nodded in agreement as she stuffed her papers into her schoolbag.   
"Hey, you wanna come with me after school? I've got a friend who's been dying to meet   
you."  
  
"Er... I dunno..." Ranma hedged, "I don't want to miss Mom's dinner..."  
  
"Don't worry," Ranko slapped his back in a companionable gesture "she won't make it   
until you get home. Besides, just tell her you were having tea with two beautiful young   
girls. She'll be thrilled!" She winked cheerfully at him.  
  
Ranma unconsciously found himself nodding. His mother did tend to get rather   
disturbing when the subject of girls came up... "Yeah, I guess it couldn't hurt." he   
shrugged "Why not?"  
  
"That's the spirit!" Ranko enthused "Trust me, you and 'Dachi' will get along great. Just   
um..." for a moment she looked slightly nervous before recovering her poise "Just don't   
get too freaked out by her laugh. She's really nice once you get past that."  
  
"O...kay...?" Ranma sounded rather unsure of himself as he followed Ranko out the   
classroom.  
  
"Man, I can't believe Ranko's engaged to that hunk..." Sayuri groused, watching them   
leave before she grabbed a brush and dustpan to commence the daily duty of cleaning the   
classroom which she was assigned to that day.  
  
"Yeah, she's so lucky." Yuka agreed as she went over to the blackboard to clean the   
erasers "They really do seem like a perfect couple though..." she trailed off and sighed   
wistfully.  
  
Sayuri stuck out her tongue at her friend "He'd make a better couple if he was with me I   
think."  
  
Yuka chuckled "Trust you to say that! But seriously, they just seem so right together -   
almost like they were made for each other."  
  
"I guess." Sayuri shrugged nonchalantly "Hard to believe he's engaged to Kasumi as well   
though..."  
  
***  
  
Kodachi Kuno, Black Rose of St Hebereke, rising star of... well, nothing really since she   
quit rhythmic gymnastics... entered the small cafe halfway between the Kuno estate and   
her school and looked around.  
  
Nope, no sign of her redhaired friend. Not that that was unusual since the cafe was closer   
to St Hebereke than Furinkan, so Kodachi was normally the first to arrive. Settling into a   
seat by the window, she signalled the waitress and ordered a cup of darjeeling tea,   
sighing in contentment after taking a sip.  
  
After a few moments of silent contemplation, Kodachi looked up to see Ranko entering   
the premises accompanied by a boy wearing the uniform of Furinkan High. A rather   
handsome boy too, she noted idly.  
  
"Hey 'Dachi!" Ranko cheerily greeted her friend as she took a seat, gesturing for her   
companion to do the same before signalling the waitress for two cups of tea.  
  
"A pleasant day to you, Ranko-chan... now won't you introduce me to your delightful   
friend?" Kodachi purred, giving a sultry look towards the boy, who shied away   
nervously in the most endearing fashion. It was so amusing Kodachi just had to laugh.  
  
Ranko's smile became slightly strained at Kodachi's gut churning maniacal laugh, while   
the boy shuddered violently. "A-heh..." Ranko chuckled nervously "This is my fiance,   
Ranma Saotome. Ranma, meet my friend, Kodachi Kuno."  
  
"Nice ta meetcha, Kodachi-san." Ranma offered hesitantly.  
  
"Charmed." Kodachi replied drolly before turning her attention to Ranko "I must say,   
Ranko-chan, you really have made a fine catch. He's quite the handsome devil."  
  
Both Ranko and Ranma flushed "Aw thanks," they both muttered at exactly the same   
time.  
  
Kodachi blinked in surprise "Did you practice that?"  
  
Ranma and Ranko stared at each other for a moment before Ranma looked away,   
blushing even more. Ranko just chewed her lip thoughtfuly and continued to stare at   
him, a puzzled frown on her features.  
  
"Aw, he's so adorably shy!" Kodachi teased, "So tell me Ranma-kun, what do you think   
of your fiancee?"  
  
"Which one?" Ranma blurted out, causing Ranko to grimace and smack a palm against   
her forehead.  
  
Kodachi twitched. "Quite. I had forgotten your... unique... position. Be that as it may, I   
was asking about my friend here."  
  
"Oh.. uh... she's er..." Ranma tugged at his collar while sweat dripped from his forehead   
"Well... I mean... she's real nice and... um... I... er... that is to say..."  
  
"She's so wonderful you're lost for words?" Kodachi said flatly, her tone indicating she   
was not impressed with his flustering. He should be praising her to the stars, not   
struggling to string two compliments together!  
  
"Um... I guess..." Ranma shrugged helplessly, looking to Ranko for support, but she was   
simply sipping her tea, to all appearances not even paying attention to the conversation,   
seeming rather to be concentrating her thoughts on something else.  
  
"You guess?" Kodachi arched an eyebrow, now thoroughly convinced that this peasant   
was not worthy to lick the feet of her best friend, much less presume to be her fiance!  
  
"Oh, by the way 'Dachi, I need to ask you a favour." Ranko rejoined the conversation,   
seeming to have pushed aside whatever it was that she was thinking about.  
  
"Oh? What is it that I can do for you?"  
  
Ranko's face took on a distasteful scowl as she spoke "Your brother tried to hit on me at   
school today. He was going off on how I'm some sort of scum and not worthy of him, but   
then when we were in private he tried to suggest I could be his 'secret mistress' or   
something like that. I was hoping you could put something nasty in his food."  
  
Kodachi groaned. Tatewaki could be *such* an idiot sometimes. "While I do posion   
Tachi's food as a matter of routine, we both have developed a healthy resistance to   
common poisons. However, I should have something appropriate to dampen his ardour -   
I came up with it after my unfortunate encounter with Sanzennin."  
  
Ranko nodded, her lips twisted into a cruel grin "That sounds great, 'Dachi."   
  
Both Kodachi and Ranko then jolted as Ranma suddenly slammed his hands on the table,   
jostling their cups and spilling some tea. "I can't believe that asshole! He tried to get you   
to sleep with him after all that stuff he said this morning?! How dare he!"  
  
"Oh, so are you going to defend your fiancee's honour from my brother?" Kodachi asked,   
her opinion of Ranma rising by just the barest notch.  
  
"Damn right!" Ranma snarled "First thing tomorrow I'm gonna teach him a lesson! No   
way I'm gonna let him treat Ranko like that!"  
  
Kodachi turned to Ranko, expecting her friend would be pleased at this declaration, but   
instead the girl looked pale, almost ashen, as she stared at Ranma with a curious mix of   
emotions playing across her face.  
  
***  
  
Ranko looked at Ranma after his declaration and tried to swallow, finding her throat   
curiously dry. She was surprised at him making such a big deal of this, since she got   
insulted and slighted, without anyone seeming to care, all the time in both her lives. Yet   
more than that, she was shocked at the fact that his reaction was identical to how she   
would respond if someone she cared about was denigrated.  
  
What did that mean?  
  
Up till now she hadn't really given Ranma much thought. She was the real Ranma after   
all, this guy was just a copy and an obstacle to her regaining her gender and identity. But   
seeing him like this, she was starting to doubt herself.  
  
Distantly, she noted Ranma appeared to be looking at her in concern, his lips were   
moving, and with an effort she focused on his words.  
  
"... alright? You seem kinda spaced out."   
  
Ranko nodded, having trouble finding her voice "I'm just surprised..." she whispered "No   
one ever really bothers when stuff like that happens to me."  
  
If anything, Ranma became even more outraged, and Ranko found herself being lost in   
those stormy gray eyes, the same eyes she would see in the mirror once upon a time.  
  
Unable to take it any more, Ranko spun away from Ranma and got out of her seat,   
dashing out of the cafe before she did... she didn't know what... but she wanted to get   
away before it happened. She needed some time to try and figure things out.  
  
***  
  
Ranma trudged home, feeling lower than dirt. Kodachi had blamed him for Ranko's   
abrupt departure, though he couldn't really understand why - he was trying to be nice! He   
just wished he knew why she had gotten so upset. Girls were such a mystery to him, he   
really wished he could understand them better...  
  
"So you're Ranma, eh?" a decrepit sounding voice impinged on his consciousness,   
causing Ranma to spin towards the source, wondering how someone could get so close   
without him noticing, even if he was preoccupied.  
  
"Yeah, what of it, old man?" Ranma addressed the tiny bald man that looked up at him   
with undisguised contempt.  
  
"You don't look so impressive." the old midget sneered "Why Ranko-chan got engaged to   
you I'll never understand."  
  
"Who the hell are you to talk about that you little freak?" Ranma snarled, his disposition   
plummeting rapidly.  
  
"I'm Happosai, but you'll be calling me Master from now on."  
  
Ranma snorted contemptuosly. "Feh, the day Ranma Saotome calls a little freak like you   
Master is the day I die."  
  
"Well, we'll see about that. If you want to marry my little Ranko-chan, you'll have to   
prove your worthiness to me!" The seemingly harmless old man suddenly manifested an   
immense battle aura.  
  
Ranma instinctively stepped back in shock and just a little bit of fear, the sheer power   
that Happosai was putting out was almost beyond comprehension, he'd never felt   
anything like it! Swallowing nervously, Ranma took a stance and reminded himself that   
this old man had taught his Pop, and for all his flaws, Genma Saotome was an incredible   
martial artist. He would have to take this seriously.  
  
Still... nothing like a good fight to take his mind off other problems... 


	6. 14

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.   
A Not so Simple Wish  
by Ebiris (danielmcdonagh@hotmail.com)  
  
Chapter 14  
  
The short sylph-like girl looked in the mirror and took in her appearance. Alarmingly red   
hair, tied back into a simple pigtail, an oversized red Chinese style shirt that did little to   
conceal her figure or the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra, baggy kung fu trousers   
securely tied around her slim waist. Clear skin showed a natural beauty that needed no   
makeup to enhance it while amazingly blue eyes like purest sapphire looked back   
despondently from the reflection, showing none of the spark or zest they usually evoked.  
  
Hesitantly, almost as if she were afraid she might shatter the mirror, the young girl raised   
a hand to touch its glassy surface, her reflection doing the same to meet her palm.  
  
"Ranma..."  
  
She breathed that single word in a soft voice filled with a curious mix of reverence, hope   
and pain.  
  
"I'm Ranma..."  
  
***  
  
"So, you wanna see how worthy I am do ya?" Ranma popped his knuckles while glaring   
down at the little troll who claimed to be the grandmaster of his school, doing a   
surprisingly good job of hiding the fact that he was almost ready to soil himself from the   
terrifying intensity of Happosai's aura.  
  
"And I can already tell you I'm not impressed!" Happosai jabbed his pipe in Ranma's   
direction "A true student of Anything Goes would show proper respect to his master, you   
snot nosed little punk!"  
  
What little patience Ranma posessed evaporated on his rebuking by this obviously senile   
(but pretty scary) old coot. "Oh yeah? Well respect this!" He shot forward with speed and   
skill borne from a lifetime of rigorous training in the martial arts. His fist arced towards   
Happosai in a powerful (but only incapacitating, not fatal) blow.  
  
Only Happosai wasn't there any longer.  
  
"That all you got?" A taunting voice came from behind him, causing Ranma to quickly   
whirl round and adopt a more defensive stance.  
  
He's fast... Ranma thought in grudging respect, still, he'd battled people who were faster   
than him before, the trick was just to find the pattern in their attacks. If you know what   
they're going to do next, it doesn't matter how fast they are. "I see a whole lot of   
posturing, but I don't see any action old man!" he retorted, hoping to goad the geezer into   
making a mistake.  
  
Happosai purpled with rage, then sprang into action, faster than Ranma could react. He   
leapt around the boy's defence, striking all over Ranma's body, whenever Ranma tried to   
counter, the tiny grandmaster would already be hitting a vulnerable spot somewhere else   
on his body.  
  
"Had enough yet?" Happosai sneered, now standing on the prone Ranma's chest.  
  
"Grr...It ain't over yet old man!" Ranma growled, throwing a vicious punch at his elderly   
foe, but like before, Happosai was easily able to evade by leaping backwards off of   
Ranma's body.  
  
Picking himself up, Ranma wobbled slightly before firming his stance and spitting out   
some blood. The old man had worked him over good, his entire body felt like one   
massive bruise, but he'd be damned if he'd lie over for this old bastard. He lifted his chin   
proudly and beckoned Happosai to attack once more.  
  
"So you do have spirit..." Happosai noted, a tone of grudging respect in his voice, then he   
once more sprung at Ranma and yelled "I'll just have to beat it out of you!"  
  
***  
  
Ranma-chan considered taking a backpack full of camping supplies, but discarded the   
notion. She was just going to another district in Tokyo, not out into the wilderness, even   
if she was going to tell everyone it was a 'training trip'.  
  
In a sense it was training. She needed a refresher course on her true identity. She needed   
to BE Ranma once more, even girl-type Ranma, for just a little while. She'd had to play   
the role of a girl before, for fooling Ryouga and Kuno - which was just harmless fun, to   
the far more serious (and heartbreaking) task of pretending to be Ranko Tendou. But   
never had she immersed herself in the life of a girl for so long, and to such a degree.   
Ranko Tendou was a tomboy who bucked convention and did what she liked - and what   
she liked most was making her 'auntie Saotome' smile. Ranko Xiawang was a proper   
young lady who just happened to practice martial arts and wanted nothing more than to   
be a good wife for her arranged fiance.  
  
Ranko.  
  
She hated that name, a feminine bastardisation of who she really was, it was a symbol of   
all she was not. All she had lost because of that wretched training ground known as   
Jusenkyo.  
  
Every time she played Ranko Tendou, smiling with false cheer as she told a lonely   
woman that her son had 'just left on a training trip' a little part of her died. There were   
times when she just wanted to end it all, to tip a kettle over her head and stop the charade   
of Ranko and her pet panda before throwing herself on her mother's mercy.  
  
Akane believed she would not do that out of a simple fear of seppuku. She was wrong.  
  
Ritual suicide held little fear for someone who had survived the terror of the Neko-ken   
training. No, what really terrified her was seeing the disapointment and perhaps even   
anger on her mothers face. Could she really betray Nodoka's memories of a young boy   
who promised to grow into a man among men? Death would be a blessing after doing   
something like that to her beloved mother.  
  
***  
  
Ranma backpedaled furiously as he tried to ward off Happosai's lightning fast offensive.   
Any thought of counterattacking was gone as he was forced to concentrate everything he   
had on simple defence. However, even if he was currently unable to take any offensive   
action, he was taking careful note of the patterns Happosai was using in his attack.   
Sooner or later he'd be able to take advantage of that - if only the old freak would let up   
for a moment!  
  
His prayers were answered when Happosai once more withdrew to examine his opponent   
with a critical eye "Had enough, boy?"  
  
"Heh... I... I'm just gettin' started..." Ranma slurred out, speech proving difficult from the   
many blows to the jaw he had taken. He shifted his stance to one that would allow him to   
put maximum power into one last all or nothing strike. He believed he'd have a good   
chance of hitting when Happosai next attacked, but he knew that a miss would mean the   
end of the fight.  
  
Happosai shrugged "Your funeral." and once more attacked. As he flew towards his   
young foe, Ranma stumbled forward and lashed out with a haymaker in a style that was   
rather similar to drunken boxing - which was pretty close to the mark since Ranma was   
feeling pretty punch drunk at the moment.  
  
Amazingly, it connected, slamming Happosai into the nearby wall with enough force to   
collapse the bricks on top of the geezer where he fell.  
  
"Hah! How'dja like that?" Ranma crowed, spitting out some blood and noting   
distractedly that his vision was becoming rather blurred. "Ranma Saotome don't lose!"  
  
He was naturally quite distressed at that point when Happosai pulled himself clear of the   
rubble and dusted himself off, seeming none the worse for wear.  
  
"Well, I have to hand it to you, Ranma m'boy, you're a lot better than Genma was at your   
age to actually hit me. I'm almost impressed."  
  
"No way..." Ranma breathed - He'd put everything into that punch and the little freak just   
brushes it off? What the hell was he?  
  
Happosai just walked over to Ranma and looked up at him cockily "Well boy, shall we   
finish this or will you call me Master?"  
  
Ranma grimaced - no way was he going to call this little freak Master. But there was no   
way to beat him. Unless... Ranma didn't like the idea that came to him then, but he was   
fresh out of options.  
  
If he wanted to win, he'd have to use the Saotome Desperation techniques.  
  
***  
  
Ranko Xiawang had things better than Ranko Tendou in many ways, but at the same   
time she paid a higher price.  
  
She could be with her mother, and even call her by that title. Even if it was as a   
prospective daughter in law rather than as a son. Her relationship with Nodoka was   
much better too, while Ranko Tendou was a loveable scamp that Nodoka liked and   
wanted to mold into a proper lady, Ranko Xiawang was perhaps a younger reflection of   
Nodoka, and it showed in just how much more affectionate the Saotome matriarch was   
towards her.  
  
Perhaps part of it was because Ranko Xiawang was her future daughter, while Ranko   
Tendou was just her future daughter's backwards country cousin.  
  
Ranko Tendou was a mask. A facade that was worn when necessary and then discarded   
for the true identity underneath. Ranko Xiawang was a real person, with a real life and   
future. She had friends and people who cared about her. In short, she mattered.  
  
That was the trap.  
  
Ranma-chan did not want to be Ranko - either Ranko. She wanted to be herself. But how   
can you be yourself when everything that makes you who you are gets stripped away?   
Ranma did exist in this world, but she was not Ranma. She was just some girl that   
thought of herself as him. The only way to truly become Ranma once more was by going   
through the role of Ranko - playing her role to its conclusion.  
  
And she would do it. To become Ranma once more she would pay any price, overcome   
any obstacle. No matter what.  
  
"No matter what." she whispered to the reflection.  
  
The reflection didn't look convinced.  
  
***  
  
The secret of attacking from behind like a hunting canine: Fox-fu!  
  
"Oh my God! What's that?!" Ranma yelled, pointing at a spot in the distance behind his   
wily foe.  
  
Happosai snorted "Yeah, as if I'll fall for that one!"  
  
Okay, Saotome Desperation strike number two: Striking the enemy to the ground with a   
single blow, like a tiger! Feline-fu! (not to be confused with Neko-ken)  
  
"Look! A hundred yen coin!" he pointed at the ground by Happosai's feet.  
  
"What? Where?" Happosai instantly started scrabbling around the pavement looking for   
the elusive piece of currency.  
  
Reacting instantly, Ranma struck with a mighty blow, driving the ancient pervert into the   
concrete while giving a loud yell.  
  
Happosai swiftly recovered before Ranma could rain further blows on his ancient body,   
and now he looked really pissed. "There was no hundred yen coin! How dare you cheat   
an old man like that!" He summoned forth his intimidating battle aura once again,   
paralysing Ranma with fear.  
  
However, this was just playing into Ranma's hands, and the Saotome heir dropped to the   
ground and started convulsing, no longer paralysed when not looking directly at   
Happosai. "I'm s...sorry..." he choked out.  
  
"Hmm... perhaps you can learn respect after all..." Happosai nodded approvingly at this   
display.  
  
Ultimate Saotome Desperation strike! Lulling the enemy into dropping his guard like a   
toad in the road! Flat Frog fu!  
  
With the old letch's guard down, Ranma again lashed out with a massive blow, only to   
find his fist intercepted by a pipe which amplified and redirected his momentum   
skyward.  
  
"He really is Genma's son." Happosai noted as Ranma became a distant speck in the sky.  
  
***  
  
Ranma-chan put down the phone, having just given Sasuke a message to Kodachi that   
she would be out of town for a few days, and then dialed a different number. After a few   
seconds it was picked up and she heard growfing noises on the other end of the line.  
  
She groaned and slapped her forehead, just imagining Genma on the other end holding   
up a sign proclaiming that panda's can't talk. Then a human voice was heard.  
  
"Honestly dear! What were you thinking?" a brief pause then "Hello, Saotome   
residence."  
  
Forcing her voice into a cheerful tone, Ranma-chan replied to her mother "Hello mother,   
it's Ranko."  
  
"Why hello Ranko-chan! You wouldn't know where Ranma is would you?"  
  
"Well, I took him to meet a friend after school, he should be home soon." she said,   
twisting the cord around her fingers.  
  
"I see, showing off your manly fiance, eh?" Ranma-chan could just imagine Nodoka's   
smirk on the other end of the line.  
  
"Uh yeah... something like that. Anyway, could you tell Ranma that I won't be around   
for a few days, I'm going on a short training trip."  
  
"Of course dear, I'll let him know. I understand it's important for you to stay in shape -   
besides, it'll mean you can bear lots of healthy children!" Nodoka gave a happy sigh at   
that.  
  
Ranma-chan couldn't help but chuckle at her mother's odd views on the world "Yeah.   
That'd be good too... anyway, just called to let you know, I'll be back before you know   
it!"  
  
"I should hope so, Ranko-chan. You don't want my son getting too close to Kasumi while   
you're gone after all. I'll see you soon."  
  
"Bye... mom..." Ranma-chan whispered before hanging up.  
  
Taking one last look around her apartment, she wrote a note to Happosai in case he got   
back while she was gone, explaining she was only gone for a few days and telling him   
where to find his 'collection'.  
  
"I'll be back." she told the empty apartment before stepping out.  
  
*** 


	7. 15

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.   
A Not so Simple Wish  
by Ebiris (danielmcdonagh@hotmail.com)  
  
Chapter 15  
  
Ranma staggered into his home, barely supporting his weight on a thick branch he had   
broken off a tree upon the termination of his impromtu flight over Nerima. "I'm home." he   
called out weakly while kicking off his shoes and dropping his schoolbag in the genkan.  
  
"Welcome home, son. How was - oh my!" Nodoka had stepped into the hallway and was   
now taking in Ranma's dishevelled appearance with a healthy amount of shock. "I just   
bought that uniform yesterday!" the Saotome matriarch wailed as she dashed over and   
started dusting her son off, examining the numerous tears and stains on the fabric of Ranma's   
school clothes.  
  
"Heh... don' worry... mom... I'm fine..." Ranma slurred out before collapsing in her arms.   
This was of course Genma's cue to appear and start bemoaning his fate of having such a   
weak son.  
  
"Boy! What happened to put you in this state?" Genma grabbed Ranma away from Nodoka   
and started shaking him roughly. "Your weakness is a shame against the Anything Goes   
school!"  
  
"What the hell are ya talkin' about old man? It was your stupid master that did this to me!"   
Ranma shot back, seeming to regain most of his energy as he broke Genma's hold and glared   
fiercely at his father.  
  
"What?!" Genma roared "You angered the Master? Foolish boy, what were you thinking?!"  
  
Ranma snorted dismissively. "That old freak ain't no master of mine!" he said while making   
a contemptous gesture. "I'll find a way to beat him, just you wait!"  
  
"Son, you shouldn't be fighting Happosai-sensei, he's only a harmless little old man."   
Nodoka fretted while wringing her hands.  
  
Both Saotome males paused to give Nodoka an odd look. "Yes... of course, dear..." Genma   
said hesitantly before swinging an arm over his son's shoulder "The boy and I need to talk,   
martial arts stuff, you understand?"  
  
"Oh of course!" Nodoka nodded brightly. "I'll just get started on dinner while you impart   
your wisdom to our son!" and with that she puttered off to the kitchen.  
  
"Feh, maybe we should tell her about the Neko-ken sometime, huh pop?" Ranma remarked,   
disgusted by the amount of trust and faith his mother had in his worthless father.  
  
"Er... let's not and say we did, eh son?" Genma laughed nervously before his glasses glinted   
in the light and he adopted a sollemn expression. "Now boy, you need to forget those fool   
ideas about taking on the Master. There is but one," here Genma held up his index finger   
"technique which can be used against him. Tendou and I have used it to defeat even his most   
powerful rages."  
  
Now Ranma was interested. "Wow, must be some technique, what is it?"  
  
"The Crouch of the Wild Tiger. I will only demonstrate this once boy, so pay attention."   
Genma barked sternly before kneeling down, seeing he had Ranma's attention he then bowed   
forward so his head was touching the ground and started babbling "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm   
sorry!"  
  
"I hate you, pop." Ranma muttered in disgust as he left the pathetic kowtowing figure and   
went to get cleaned up before dinner, resolutely swearing that he would find a technique or   
training method to bring him up to Happosai's level.  
  
***  
  
At the Kuno mansion, a certain Kodachi Kuno was in high spirits as she worked on mixing   
certain plant extracts in her greenhouse. The vapours being given off were the main reason   
for her giddiness, but there was also the matter of what she had slipped in her brother's   
dinner earlier. Though she wasn't sure if he would even notice, since Kodachi was rather   
certain that Tatewaki wasn't sexually active. Still, it should keep him from having any   
naughty thoughts about her friend.  
  
"Foul twisted wench of a sister!" A commanding voice thundered from the door linking the   
greenhouse with the mansion proper.  
  
Kodachi let loose a burst of her blood curdling laughter, demurely covering her mouth as a   
lady should. "Whatever brings you to my humble presence, dearest brother mine?" She   
asked sarcasticly.  
  
"Spare me thy pretensions of innocence, evil harpy that only yet lives due to the twisted   
mockery of Heaven's law that makes you share my of my noble blood!" Kuno roared angrily   
while waving his bokken around. "Pray tell what foul concotion has affected the Blue   
Thunder's almighty puissance?! For it came to pass that when I admired my images of the   
wondrous Akane Tendou and sought to commence meditating upon her beauty that my flesh   
was unwilling to respond to the call! Such an affront stinks of your malevolence, sinister   
sister of mine!"  
  
Kodachi took a moment to parse that speech before she realised what Tatewaki was   
effectively saying. She wrinkled her nose before yelling "Brother, that's disgusting!"  
  
***  
  
It was lunchtime the following day and Ranma had staked out the same spot he had shared   
lunch with Ranko the day before, and was looking forward to actually trying Kasumi's lunch   
this time without it being stolen by his other fiancee.  
  
"Hiya Ranma-kun! Mind if I join you?" a friendly voice intruded on his ruminations on   
lunch food.  
  
Ranma looked up to see one of Kasumi's sisters looking down at him, bento box in hand and   
a smile on her face. "Sure thing, Nabiki-san. Take a seat." He patted the ground next to him.  
  
"Now, now." Nabiki admonished, waggling a finger at him. "You could become my brother   
in law, there's no need to be so formal."  
  
"Okay, Nabiki-chan." Ranma nodded, smiling at her.  
  
Nabiki smirked. "Hardly anyone calls me Nabiki-chan." she observed before proceeding to   
kneel down and open her lunchbox before speaking again. "What was all that about this   
morning with you fighting Kuno and that other boy picking a fight with you as well?"  
  
Ranma groaned at the memory of his old rival swearing to 'destroy his happiness'. "That guy   
was Ryouga Hibiki, I used to go to school with him. He always got all pissed because I was   
able to get the last bread in the school cafeteria when he was trying to get it. He always made   
some big production out of 'Never forgiving the offense of the curry bread!'" Ranma said,   
imitating Ryouga's usual angry tones before continuing in his normal voice. "He challenged   
me to a duel about it, but the loudmouth coward never actually showed up. Dunno what's   
got him all worked up now, but if he wants a fight I'll be happy to give him one."  
  
"Uh huh... and what about what you did to Kuno?" Nabiki prodded insistently.  
  
Ranma's expression hardened noticeably. "He had it coming."  
  
"Wow, you've just met the guy and you've got him pegged!" Nabiki sniggered before   
noticing just how angry Ranma looked. "Geez, what did he do?"  
  
"He tried to get Ranko to sleep with him after saying all those horrible things about her   
yesterday." Ranma got out while gritting his teeth, he hated hypocritical bastards like that   
Kuno guy.  
  
Nabiki exhaled sharply, blowing up her bangs in the process. "Wow, and here I thought he   
was in love with Akane..."  
  
"Feh, he's just a scumbag, I doubt he knows what love is." Ranma snorted derisively.  
  
"Probably not." Nabiki mused. "Speaking of Ranko-san, where is she today?"  
  
"She went off on a trainin' trip, dunno when she'll be back but it should be in a few days.   
Heck, I should be goin' on a training trip myself so I can learn some way to beat that old   
freak, but mom says I need ta focus on school..." Ranma said, feeling a bit of respect for his   
fiancee, since he didn't know that many people his age who were serious enough about   
martial arts to skip school in order to practice.  
  
"You mean Happosai?" Nabiki asked, her voice losing it's light tone as she scowled angrily.   
"If you're going after him then you've got my full support."  
  
"What'd he do to you?" Ranma asked, raising an eyebrow at the display of temper.  
  
"Never you mind." Nabiki growled. "Just know that if you ever need any help dealing with   
the wretched little pervert you can count on me."  
  
"Um... you're not really a martial artist, so I doubt you could help with this..." Ranma said   
hesitantly, not wanting to offend her but still feeling the need to raise the point.  
  
Nabiki deflated a bit. "That's true, but my offer still stands. I really want to hurt that old   
letch..."  
  
"Hold! Vile knave, I see thou art keeping the company of the mercenary Nabiki Tendou, no   
doubt she helped orchestrate my downfall at the hands of your black sorcery this morn, but   
know that the scion of Kuno shall never admit defeat to the likes of you, have at thee fiend!"  
  
Ranma stood up and cracked his knuckles. "Back for more? That's just fine with me..." He   
had no objection to pounding this mouthy asshole twice in one day. As he leapt to meet   
Kuno's charge, he wondered just how Ranko was doing on her training trip and if she was   
having more fun than him.  
  
***  
  
Ranma-chan cheerfully walked through the streets of Shinjuku, reveling in the feeling of   
wearing her normal male clothing, the unrestrained bouncing of her breasts with each step   
(actually that hurt a little, but she was a martial artist so she could take it), the liberated   
feeling of wearing boxers instead of panties (thankfully her period was last week, otherwise   
she'd have to wear panties to hold the pad - she refused to use tampons since the idea of   
putting something up 'there' was just disgusting to her) and having her hair in a simple and   
economical pigtail rather than falling loose down her back, which looked good but was a   
hassle to look after.  
  
All in all, she was quite content with her decision to get away from Nerima and the pressures   
of being Ranko for just a little while. Of course, she'd have to go back and assume that role   
once more if she ever wanted to really regain her true identity, but right now she needed a   
break before she snapped.  
  
Spotting a dojo, she decided to go and challenge it, not to claim their sign or anything, just   
for fun and to maybe pick up a technique or two if they were any good - obviously there was   
no chance of her losing, but maybe they could hold her interest for a little bit.  
  
She was just approaching the entrance when a tall boy dressed in a black vest and fatigues   
with a white bandanna on his head exited. The boy struck what he no doubt thought of as a   
pose of righteous martial contemplation and began mumbling to himself. "That dojo was no   
challenge... I can feel my mastery over the techniques becoming closer... if I can only find   
the other school I'll be able to rebuild the dojo..."  
  
Ranma-chan grinned cruelly. Here was an imposter she could get away with beating up, and   
she had never liked the guy anyway, especially for playing with her mother's head the way   
he had. "Did you just defeat that dojo?" She asked him.  
  
"Huh? Yeah I did." The boy smirked at her, no doubt imagining she was awestruck by his   
manly prowess.  
  
"Really? What's your name?" Ranma-chan pressed on.  
  
"Ranma Saotome."  
  
"Really?" Ranma-chan cracked her knuckles in anticipation.  
  
***  
  
"Wow, just from air pressure!" Nabiki commented as the statue she was taking shelter by   
was destroyed by Kuno's rapid strike attack despite being several metres away.  
  
Ranma was dodging Kuno's strikes with careless ease, although it looked to Nabiki like he   
was purposely putting himself in range of Kuno's attacks without counterattacking. That   
struck her as odd, since when Ranma had fought Kuno in the morning he had been much   
more offensive and had overwhelmed Kuno within seconds.  
  
"Stand still and let me thrash you, knave!" Kuno roared, increasing the intensity of his   
attacks so much that small rips were appearing all over Ranma's school uniform.  
  
"Come on, Kuno! I know you can do better than that!" Ranma taunted as he continued   
weaving around the sword strikes and air pressure blasts, only taking superficial damage in   
the process.  
  
Nabiki wondered just what Ranma was doing, since even with the speed of Kuno's attack,   
even she could tell he was relatively open, so why wasn't Ranma finishing him?  
  
***  
  
Ranma-chan lazily flipped over the single vacum blade her opponent had sent at her. It   
seemed Ryu had yet to fully master the Kijin Raishu Dan and was showing visible exertion   
just from launching a single one of the deadly projectiles. At this rate I won't even have to   
use the Umisenken... she kept that thought to herself though, since revealing her knowledge   
of that school probably would result in him pestering her no end for its secrets.  
  
"You dodged my vacum blade? Looks like I'll have to go all out." Ryu Kumon said,   
impressed at her agility.  
  
"Feh! Get real, that was your best attack wasn't it?" Ranma-chan shot back, seeing right   
through his bluster.  
  
Ryu flinched, but quickly recovered and advanced once more, yelling "Don't move!" before   
leaping to attack. Ranma-chan involuntarily stiffened, allowing him to get within her guard   
and push past her arms, landing a brutal kick to her sternum while calling out "Mouko   
Kaimon Ha!"  
  
Ranma-chan tumbled backwards, and quickly got to her feet to avoid his follow up strike.   
"Heh, not bad." she admitted before smirking confidently. "Now face my fierce tiger. Mouko   
Takabisha!" she a wide blast of confidence chi, that he had no chance of dodging at this   
range, straight at him, easily bowling him over.  
  
Athough she could have won in a single blow right at the beginning with her shiatsu   
knowledge combined with the speed of the Parlay du Foie Gras. That speed that was   
normally useless in a fight since it sacrificed almost all power, but if she used that speed to   
just tap a few pressure points she could defeat anyone with a minimum of fuss. But where   
was the fun in that? So instead of finishing him before he recovered, Ranma-chan waited for   
Kumon to regain his footing before resuming the battle.  
  
***  
  
This isn't working, Ranma thought as he dodged Kuno's blows. Although the kendoist was   
striking fast, he was using a rigid pattern which Ranma had already figured out, hence   
Ranma wasn't really having to exert himself to dodge.  
  
He had thought he could take advantage of Kuno's speed strike technique to get practice   
against a fast opponent, but the kendoist was light years behind Happosai in both speed and   
skill. What Ranma needed was to face something both fast and unpredictable if he wanted to   
improve his speed to reach Happosai's level, his own subconscious fighting instincts were   
working against him with Kuno.  
  
Sighing, he decided to wrap things up, and weaved inside Kuno's guard, knocking him out   
with several quick strikes. "That was a waste of time." he commented, sparing a disparaging   
glance to his beaten foe.  
  
"Why did you toy with him for so long?" Nabiki asked, stepping over towards him.  
  
"I thought dodging his speed attack would be good practice for Happosai, but he's so   
predictable it wasn't any help." Ranma lamented.  
  
"You need to get faster to deal with him, huh?"  
  
"Yep." Ranma nodded. "The little bastard is inhumanly fast, it's like I'm movin' in slow   
motion next to him..." he sighed heavily "I need to figure some kind of training exercise   
that'll help boost my speed."  
  
"Speed, huh? Why don't you ask Ranko? I've seen her move pretty fast from time to time."   
Nabiki offered helpfully.  
  
Ranma shook his head. "Nah, she's good for a girl, but I doubt she'd know anything really   
useful."  
  
***  
  
Ranma-chan smirked at the beaten and unconscious form of Ryu Kumon on the steps of the   
Tanaka dojo while ignoring the dojo owner who had come out and was yelling about the   
huge amount of property damage their fight had caused.  
  
"Ranma Saotome doesn't lose, and you ain't him buddy."  
  
*** 


	8. 16

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.   
A Not so Simple Wish  
by Ebiris (danielmcdonagh@hotmail.com)  
  
Chapter 16  
  
Ranko strolled through Shibuya, heading towards the train station so she could return to   
Nerima. The past few days wandering around Tokyo had been a pleasant diversion from   
her life as Ranko Xiawang, but had done little to reaffirm her identity as Ranma   
Saotome.  
  
Her life as Ranma Saotome was mostly defined by the people she interacted with. The   
rivals and fiancee's first and foremost among them, but aside from the all too brief battle   
with Ryu Kumon, she had been sorely lacking in both categories.  
  
She was jolted out of her thoughts upon seeing a mailbox rush past her. A mailbox?   
Curiousity piqued, she followed the ambulatory postage receptacle until it entered a   
small restauraunt, the banner outside reading 'Kuonji's Okonomiyaki'. Shouting voices   
were heard coming from within, quickly followed by sounds of violence before the   
mailbox came flying out the door, the head of what an uniformed person would call a girl   
was now visible poking out of the mailbox as well.  
  
In an instant the redhead's face lit up into a brilliant smile. "Ucchan!" she exclaimed   
joyfully, deciding that she could catch a later train as she dashed into the restauraunt.  
  
Sure enough, there stood Ukyo Kuonji behind the grill, big-ass spatula in hand and   
breathing heavily with ill concealed rage. Sadly Ukyo was in her bishonen male   
crossdressing guise and had her breasts strapped down, otherwise said heavy breathing   
would have been significantly more entertaining.  
  
Seeing a customer enter, Ukyo tried to get her anger under control enough to give a   
friendly greeting. "Welcome to Kuonji's. What can I get you?"  
  
"I'll have the special, please." Ranko replied, taking a seat at the counter.  
  
"One special for the pretty lady, coming right up!" Ukyo winked at her before starting to   
mix ingredients into the batter for cooking, seeming to be in a better mood now.  
  
"None of that now, I'm an engaged woman." Ranko said reprovingly, but with a smile on   
her face to show she wasn't offended.  
  
"Oh well, can't blame a guy for trying, right?" Ukyo said cheerfully, although Ranko   
could tell she was visibly relieved and trying not to show it.  
  
Deciding not to make an issue of it, Ranko inhaled deeply of the aromas, realising just   
how much she missed Ucchan's okonomiyaki - to say nothing of missing her best friend.   
"Mmmm, smells delicious!" She enthused.  
  
"Heh, best in all of Japan." Ukyo said proudly while flipping over the partially cooked   
okonomiyaki before giving Ranko an appraising eye. "Say, I don't recall seeing you   
around before, you new in town?"  
  
Ranko shook her head. "Just visiting, I live over in Nerima." she said before   
remembering that she hadn't introduced herself yet. "I'm Ranko Xiawang." she added.  
  
Ukyo nodded. "Pleased to meet you, Ranko-san. Like the sign on the door says, I'm   
Ukyo Kuonji."  
  
"Hey, just call me Ranko-chan." Ranko suggested. It wasn't quite the same as 'Ranchan'   
but given that Ukyo was still looking for vengeance on her childhood friend, she decided   
that suggesting that would be a bad idea.  
  
"Sure thing, Ranko-chan. Your special is ready." Ukyo defly flipped the okonomiyaki   
from the grill onto her customer's plate.  
  
"Thanks!" Ranko handed over a thousand yen note before gleefully tearing into the food.   
"Slow day, huh?" She asked, looking around the otherwise empty shop.  
  
Ukyo shrugged. "The lunch crowd'll be here in an hour or so. I just had to deal with one   
annoying pest right before you came in, otherwise yeah it's been pretty quiet."  
  
The two began talking about inconsequential things, though with Ranko knowing what   
buttons to push, Ukyo swiftly opened up and the pair were soon chatting away like long   
lost friends. Ranko related some of her martial arts adventures while Ukyo talked about   
her training against the raging sea - though the chef was tight-lipped on the reason for her   
training.   
  
Ranko thought it was nice. With no romantic tension they were able to just talk like they   
did as children without Ukyo having to constantly push herself as the 'cute fiancee'.  
  
Several okonomiyaki later and the restauraunt was starting to fill up, making Ranko   
decide to leave and let her friend work without distraction. Giving a fond farewell, the   
short redhead stepped out onto the street and barely avoided being knocked over by a boy   
about her age.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry miss." The fanged boy in dusty travelling clothes apologised before seeing   
he had her attention. "I'm terribly sorry, but I don't suppose you know how to get to   
Furinkan High School?"  
  
Ranko sighed miserably. Nothing like a lost idiot to ruin her good mood. "Yeah, I'm   
headed that way myself, come with me." With any luck once they got to Nerima he'd fall   
in love with Akane or something and leave her and Ranma the hell alone.  
  
***  
  
"I don't think he's coming, Ranma-kun." Nabiki said to the pigtailed boy who was   
standing in the middle of the Furinkan High sports field.  
  
Ranma shrugged. "I figured as much, that's why I told Kasumi not to bother coming   
since she wouldn't get to see any fight anyway. Knowin' Ryouga he probably won't show   
for a week or so."  
  
"I see." Nabiki said in a dry tone. A few minutes later she spoke again. "If he's not going   
to come then why are you waiting here?"  
  
Ranma looked at her incredulously. "Because as soon as I leave he'll probably appear   
and start going on about how I'm a coward for 'running away'. I'll wait for an hour or so   
here every day, until he does turn up, then I'll beat the crap out of him so he can stop   
bothering me with his lame challenges."  
  
"It's good to see you take the challenges of a martial artist so seriously." A wizened old   
voice came from between the two teenagers.  
  
"Old freak!" "Little bastard!" Ranma and Nabiki both yelled, leaping away from   
Happosai who had somehow appeared at their feet.  
  
Happosai ignored their insults and addressed Ranma. "So, Ranma m'boy, have you given   
any more thought to being my official student?"  
  
Ranma took a defensive stance, wishing he'd had more time to practice speed drills   
before going up against the evil little gnome again, but unwilling to back down like his   
pathetic father would. "Like hell, old man!" He spat angrily.  
  
Happosai tutted sadly. "Oh well, even if you won't become my student, they say pain is   
the best teacher of all." he turned to Nabiki and leered at her. "You might want to step   
away from the fight, Nabiki-chan."  
  
Nabiki backed off, fixing Happosai with a glare that would have wilted a lesser man.   
Alas Happosai was long used to such reactions, and just smiled wider before waving a   
pair of panties at her. Nabiki recognised those panties and swiftly jammed her knees   
together, seeming to almost glow with fury. "Kill him, Ranma!!" She screamed, waving a   
fist angrily.  
  
And thus the battle was joined.  
  
***  
  
Ranko sighed heavily, absolutely sick of trying to guide Ryouga so he wouldn't get lost.   
She had made sure to insult him repeatedly so he wouldn't get any silly ideas about   
falling in love with her, but unlike when she was Ranma and insulted his sense of   
direction, he just smiled goofily and corrected his course. She had a sinking suspicion   
that it was too late, the pathetic fool just imprinted on any female who showed him a   
minimum of kindness, and in spite of her insults she had guided him and even taken his   
hand a few times. She'd even paid his train fare when he couldn't find his wallet. In short,   
she was doomed.  
  
"No, your *other* left, retard!" She snapped at him as he started in the wrong direction at   
what was thankfully the last junction before Furinkan.  
  
"Ah heh, sorry about that Ranko-san, I don't know what I was thinking." Ryouga   
chuckled nervously and changed his direction.  
  
Ranko just grumbled profanities under her breath, almost wishing a freak rainstorm   
would activate his curse so she could ditch the loser.  
  
A few minutes later they finally reached their destination. "Here we are, Furinkan...   
What the hell?!" She exclaimed, seeing what looked like a Ranma, twisted into a pretzel   
shape in the middle of the sports field with Nabiki and Akane trying to put his limbs   
back in their original positions.  
  
"Ranma!!" She ran over to her injured fiance and knelt before him. "What happened to   
you?!" She refused to believe Kuno could have possibly done this, and besides, none of   
the injuries looked like they were caused by a bokken.  
  
"Happosai happened to him." Nabiki said after all that came from Ranma was a series of   
pained groans.  
  
"Happosai?! What the hell did he attack you for?" Ranko questioned insistently.  
  
Nabiki shrugged. "Something about wanting Ranma to recognise him as his master."  
  
Ranma managed to recover enough to speak coherently at this point and added "He said   
I wasn't worthy of you. Ha! Stupid old man don't know what he's talkin' about, I never   
asked for this engagement."  
  
"Does that mean you're marrying Kasumi?" Akane inquired curiously.  
  
"I never asked for that one neither!" Ranma retorted bitterly.  
  
"Jerk!" Akane sniffed before storming off.  
  
Meanwhile, Ranko was positively fuming at this new impediment to her plans. "That   
asshole! I give him a home, I feed him, I'm probably the only person on earth that treats   
him nicely and this is how he repays me?! I'm gonna kick his tiny little ass all the way to   
China!"  
  
Ranma was about to point out that Ranko wouldn't stand a chance in hell against   
Happosai when someone else bellowed "Ranma! Prepare to die!" And lunged at him with   
a lead weighted umbrella.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing, moron?!" Ranko yelled, intercepting and   
stopping Ryouga's strike with a single hand. "You can't attack him when he's injured like   
this!"  
  
Ryouga blinked in surprise at having his attack blocked with so little effort by such a   
petite girl. Then he recovered and sneered. "Hiding behind a girl, Ranma? That's low   
even for you."  
  
"Hey! I didn't ask her to!" Ranma shot back, before getting a calculating glint in his eyes.   
"Besides, if you can't even beat a little girl, what chance do you have against me?"  
  
"What?! How dare you imply that I would even try to fight a defenceless girl! Unlike   
you I have honour!" Ryouga yelled furiously.  
  
"Defenceless? Little?" Ranko repeated in a quiet voice, her left eyebrow twitching   
furiously.   
  
Noticing that the metal head of the umbrella was starting to warp where Ranko was   
grasping it, Nabiki started edging away and trying to look inconspicous.  
  
"This is a battle between men, you coward! Fight me!" Ryouga yelled, trying to wave his   
umbrella threateningly at Ranma but finding it completely immobile in Ranko's grip.  
  
With a series of gruesome popping and crunching noises that made all observers wince,   
Ranma managed to extricate himself from being contorted in the shape of a pretzel.   
Standing up woozily, he motioned for Ranko to move. "Out of the way Ranko. It's like   
he said, I gotta fight him."  
  
"Like hell, Saotome, you're in no shape to fight. Even Akane could take you now."   
Ranko said, turning to face him but retaining her hold on Ryouga's umbrella.  
  
"Hey!" An outraged feminine voice came from the watching crowd of Furinkan students.  
  
"No, he wanted a fight and I'm gonna give him one." Ranma said determinedly.  
  
"Dammit, I'm trying to do you a favour, what the hell's wrong with you?" Ranko yelled,   
thinking of all the times she'd had to put up with Ryouga's constant attacks and wishing   
the lost boy would just piss off and leave her alone. Sure, fighting him was sometimes   
fun, but a lot of the time it was annoying as hell.  
  
Ranma started to move around his fiancee, but Ranko shifted to keep herself between the   
two combatants. She could feel her patience with this so called 'Ranma' was fraying   
rapidly. Why didn't he just do what was good for him? Did he want to get his ass kicked   
by a loser like Ryouga? He should be in hospital, not trying to act like a badass by   
pretending he wasn't badly hurt.   
  
Her battle aura started to fitfully manifest in the visible spectrum from lack of control. If   
neither of them backed down she would force them down. It would be easy for her, not   
even Ryouga could match her strength right now and her speed was unmatched by   
anyone even in her old life. She could crush them utterly and it wouldn't matter. Ryouga   
always pissed her off with his pointless attacks and sniping at her relationship with   
Akane, but this wasn't her Ryouga. She could cripple or kill him with ease and it   
wouldn't matter in the real world! And Ranma? She was Ranma, this imposter was   
nothing! She could kill him and take her life back from the fraud! She could... She   
could...  
  
She could look into those grey eyes, burning with familiar determination. The   
determination to win, to never back down from a fight. Could that really be faked? Was   
he really just an imitation?  
  
Ranko's anger guttered out like a candle in the wind and she silently berated herself for   
coming so close to losing control. She was starting to act like some stupid overemotional   
angry tomboy, not a disciplined martial artist.  
  
Giving one last chance at resolving things without a brutal and pointless defeat for   
Ranma, she pleaded with them. "Can't you just fight him tomorrow after you have a   
chance to recover? Fighting like this proves nothing! You can't decide who is better by   
fighting when one of you has such a disadvantage! Please?" She used a weapon far   
greater than any martial arts technique - the dreaded puppy dog eyes of a kawai girl.  
  
They never stood a chance.  
  
"Okay... I guess that's fine... but you better not run away again, Ranma!"  
  
"Hey! I waited three days ya jerk!"  
  
Ranko sighed. "Maybe you should put up your tent here so you won't get lost tomorrow,   
Ryouga."  
  
"Wow! That's a great idea, Ranko-san, why didn't I think of that!" Ryouga said with   
distressing conviction.  
  
Because you're a moron? Ranko thought, deciding to avoid saying that in case things   
blew up again.  
  
"Because you're a moron?" Ranma asked sincerely, before wondering why Ranko was   
collapsing in hysterics. It wasn't that funny...  
  
*** 


	9. 17

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.   
A Not so Simple Wish  
by Ebiris (danielmcdonagh@hotmail.com)  
  
Chapter 17  
  
Happosai tutted to himself as he tried to straighten out another set of panties. After he left  
on his little trip to Okinawa (those cheerleaders had been surprisingly shy, but he was   
sure they secretly enjoyed his method of showing appreciation) he had returned to find   
Ranko had stuffed his entire collection in the cupboard under the sink. He was actually   
surprised she had managed to compress it that much, but it left him with the arduous task   
of restoring the silky darlings to a more presentable state. A thankless, but still personally   
rewarding task for the aged grandmaster of Anything Goes, even if he'd rather be getting   
to know the new aquisitions, it was always worth taking the time to remember previous   
conquests.  
  
Suddenly the front door of the apartment exploded inwards, and a raging redhead   
entered, giving Happosai a particularly murderous glare. "Old letch." she growled   
challengingly at him.  
  
"What is it, Ranko-chan?" Happosai asked, wondering what had her panties in a bunch...   
actually he was just wondering what colour her panties were, but he was still thinking of   
her... kinda...  
  
Ranko stormed over to loom over Happosai, not bothering to take her shoes off as she   
entered the apartment proper, and spoke in an almost conversational tone. "I just got   
back into town today, and I heard the craziest thing."  
  
"Um... what would that be, Ranko-chan?" Happosai asked tremulously, no longer   
wondering what colour her panties were.  
  
They were white. He could see as much thanks to her short skirt and his own diminuitive   
stature, coupled with their relative positions. Why didn't she even own anything lacy or   
frilly? Always the exact same boring plain underwear...  
  
"That you attacked Ranma and said you were doing it on my behalf? Please tell me I'm   
mistaken so I don't have to kick your ass." Ranko glared down at Happosai and tapped   
her foot impatiently.  
  
Happosai blinked, why was she upset over that? It was only right that Ranma had to   
prove himself. To tell the truth he was rather impressed with the boy's spirit, and while   
his skills weren't up to Ranko's level, he showed a lot of potential. "Of course I did,   
Ranko-chan. Can't have you marrying a weakling now. The boy wasn't bad actually, at   
least nothing some hard training can't fix."  
  
"Oh." Ranko seemed rather nonplussed by that response, but at least she was calm... at   
least until she picked Happosai up and started screaming in his face. "And don't you   
think maybe he might not want to marry some psycho bitch who gets her aged master to   
beat up on him?! Huh?!"  
  
Happosai distastefully wiped away some of the spittle on his face as he waited for his   
hearing to return. That girl sure had a healthy set of lungs. "Don't be so naive, Ranko-  
chan. By making things more challenging for him, you'll seem unobtainable and he'll   
strive even harder to get you! Why, I recall a pair of panties belonging to a lovely young   
girl I knew back in the thirties, she did all sorts of stuff to keep me away, and it was   
probably one of my greatest challenges, but once I finally got them I was happy as can   
be! Of course, I never saw her again after I stole her panties, since the thrill is in the   
chase, but that's my point... at least I think it is..." Happosai trailed off his rambling,   
becoming lost in pleasant memories and not really sure what he had been trying to   
convince her of.  
  
His happy reverie was interrupted when Ranko dropped him and angrily yelled "I am not   
a pair of panties!!"  
  
"It was just an analogy." Happosai offered in a small voice.  
  
"Well it wasn't a very good one! I let you live under my roof, I feed you, I put up with   
your perversion, and this is how you repay me?! By making me look bad to Ranma? If   
he doesn't fall in love with me it'll ruin everything!" Ranko looked to be in serious danger   
of bursting a blood vessel given the way veins were clearly visible popping out on her   
forehead.  
  
Happosai eyed his student curiously, finding something somewhat... odd... in the way she   
worded that, but unsure just what to make of it. "I'm sure if things don't work out with   
him then you can find someone better - plenty more fish in the sea as they say."  
  
Ranko's expression became deathly calm as she said "There is no one else." in a flat   
voice. "If I can't get Ranma then I might as well be dead."  
  
Happosai didn't really have much experience in normal human relationships, but he was   
pretty sure that was a rather unhealthy view to take. "Well, if you can't find love you can   
always dedicate yourself to a worthy cause - like liberating the silky darlings!" he said,   
somehow thinking that prospect would appeal to her.  
  
Ranko tiredly slumped to the floor, her anger now spent and looking like she might cry.   
"Just get out." she said quietly.  
  
"Ranko-chan?" Happosai said, hesitantly reaching out to her.  
  
Her head snapped up and she pierced him with a look that would have killed perhaps   
anyone but a cockroach like him. "I don't need you screwing things up. Get out and don't   
come back."  
  
Happosai swallowed his next words, somehow feeling cowed by the intensity of anger   
directed at him, and silently left the apartment, not even bothering to gather up his   
collection.  
  
***  
  
Ryouga Hibiki was deep in thought as he sat in his tent that night. Surprisingly, he was   
not thinking of his upcoming battle with Ranma and the chance to finally avenge himself   
for the insult of the bread. Instead he was thinking of a person he had only met that day.  
  
"Ranko-san..."  
  
He recalled all the times she insulted his sense of direction during the time they had been   
together, yet he didn't get angry. Perhaps because unlike when his classmates had   
insulted him in that mean spirited, snide way they did, Ranko-san's insults had carried an   
almost affectionate warmth, as if she didn't really care about the things she appeared to   
get angry about.  
  
He considered that. He himself was pretty poor at dealing with people, and tended to get   
angry a lot even if it wasn't really warranted. Perhaps Ranko-san was similar? In spite of   
her sometimes harsh words, she had tried hard to help him get to Furinkan - the lost boy   
blushed as he recalled the few times she had taken his hand to steer him in the right   
direction - those insults had to be just a barrier she put up to hide the sweet, caring girl   
underneath?  
  
Thinking of those petite yet calloused hands, he considered just how strong she had to be,   
not only had she stopped his umbrella, but she had actually warped the metal head!   
Ryouga often had trouble with his monstrous strength making people afraid of him   
(although oddly enough, Ryouga violently hated the first person he had met who hadn't   
cared about that - Ranma), though it didn't stop them insulting him, it just made them do   
so when they thought he wasn't listening.  
  
Did people hate and fear Ranko-san because she was so strong? Maybe that was why she   
felt the need to close herself off behind a wall of cold words? He couldn't imagine how   
anyone could do that to such a sweet (not to mention pretty) girl. Ranko-san was like a   
Goddess!  
  
That thought only caused shameful tears to spill down Ryouga's cheeks, for he would   
never be worthy of her. Who could love a freak like him? It was bad enough with just his   
wretched sense of direction, but the curse he had gotten in China...  
  
It wasn't fair! How was he to know demons were real, and to have the bad luck of   
running into one? He was just walking along when he came across an abandoned   
backpack. Deciding to do a good deed, he picked it up to drop off in the next police   
station he came across (of course, with Ryouga that could be thousands of miles from   
where he found the thing) when an enormous winged bull monster demon thing had   
come walking out of the woods and spotted him. The demon tried to take the backpack -   
no doubt for some evil hellish purpose - and when Ryouga had tried to fight it off, he had   
been brutally pummeled into unconsciousness by the monster.  
  
When he woke up, he was being carried through the air by the demon, which then   
dropped him into a cold spring in a valley filled with the same. In his nightmares he still   
heard the mooing laughter of the hideous hellbeast as it sealed his fate. Thus Ryouga   
Hibiki had been forever cursed to live in fear of cold water for the rest of his days.  
  
Who could love a pig?!  
  
***  
  
Like yesterday, a fair sized crowd of Furinkan students were present for the upcoming   
fight between Ranma and Ryouga. Ranko had picked out a decent spot and was standing   
by herself while Ranma was in the middle of the field waiting for Ryouga to finish   
dismantling his tent.  
  
"Ranko."  
  
"Huh?" Ranko turned at hearing her name, and almost recoiled in shock at the sight   
which greeted her.  
  
Nabiki Tendou could easily be described as a rather attractive specimen of the female   
gender, in fact, an unbiased observer would be hard pressed to find something bad to say   
about her physical assets. Under normal circumstances that is. Right now she looked   
anything but attractive; her eyes were bloodshot, with dark bags underneath them, while   
her skin held an unhealthy pallour and her hair looked lank and mussed.  
  
"Make. Up. With. Happosai." Nabiki enunciated each word clearly, despite sounding   
like she would drop dead (or at least into a nice relaxing coma) at any moment.  
  
"Huh?" Ranko repeated herself, a gormless expression of confusion settling over her   
features.  
  
"He stole all the underwear, he keeps poking holes in the shoji, he attached himself to my   
chest no less than fifteen times, and he kept us up all night with his crying and wailing   
about how you hate him." Nabiki said. "Now normally I would be thrilled that the little   
freak is miserable, but not if he insists on spreading the misery! Take him back!"  
  
So the old letch finally moved in with the Tendous? Ranko thought to herself, but her   
actual words were "So if he stole all the underwear, what are you wearing now?" She   
asked curiously.  
  
Not being at her mental peak, Nabiki answered before her brain truly parsed the   
question. "I'm wearing my gym shorts and sports bra that I had at school."  
  
"Really?" Ranko chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully as she scanned the crowd to locate   
the other Tendou sisters. "What about Akane and Kasumi?"  
  
"He didn't take Kasumi's stuff for some reason, I don't know what Akane is doing."   
Nabiki responded automatically before her brain finally caught up with the conversation.   
"Hey! What the hell kind of question is that?!"  
  
Ranko just grinned in response as she hurried over to join Akane and Kasumi. "Hi   
girls!" She said brightly when she got close enough to the pair.  
  
"Er... hello Ranko-chan." Kasumi said hesitantly, not really sure how she was supposed   
to relate to her nominal rival.  
  
Akane just mumbled "G'way, 'm too tired to fight you today..."  
  
"You're the one who starts all our fights, Akane-chan." Ranko admonished, waggling a   
reproving finger at the tomboy, who responded by throwing a truly pathetic punch which   
fell short of actually hitting the intended target.  
  
Ranko just sighed, not being able to find it in herself to bother making fun of Akane   
when she was like this, since Akane's normally violent responses were half the fun. "Hey,   
the fight's starting." She observed, noting that Ryouga was now lunging at Ranma with a   
complicated looking series of umbrella attacks, all of which were dodged with ease.  
  
"Because of you I have seen hell!" Ryouga screamed at his rival, while Ranko mouthed   
the words along with him, a silly grin on her face.  
  
The fight continued with Ryouga throwing his umbrella in a wide arc (which didn't seem   
to accomplish anything at all) before tieing his arm to Ranma's with a bandanna and   
trading more blows with the pigtailed boy. None of his attacks landed, while Ranma   
wasn't really putting any serious effort into attacking, but one of the students nearby still   
said "Wow, that guy might be an even match for Saotome!" which prompted a dismissive   
snort from Ranko.  
  
"Yow! What's with this umbrella?! This thing weighs a ton!"  
  
Ranko turned to see Hiroshi and Daisuke struggling with Ryouga's umbrella, and   
strolled over to casually pick the thing up with one hand and twirl it around before   
jauntily perching it on her shoulder and grinning at the pair. "Yeah, he must have the   
strength of a monster." she remarked sarcasticly.  
  
Returning her attention to the fight, Ranko saw the boys were now battling in mid air,   
and upon landing Ranma hit Ryouga with a flip kick which tore the bandanna between   
them and sent Ryouga flying to land hard near her position. At this, Ranko could only   
smile goofily and think; Wow, do I look that cool when I fight? I am such a badass!  
  
Dropping the umbrella, Ranko took a few steps backwards, to watch as Ryouga dived to   
recover it after taking a few good hits from Ranma and counterattacked, ripping Ranma's   
shirt in the process.  
  
"Dammit! Every time I fight, my clothes get ruined! This was my favourite shirt too!"   
The pigtailed boy lamented as he examined the large tear over the front of his shirt,   
luckily his skin was undamaged.  
  
"This is war!" Ryouga growled, rubbing at his chin which was starting to look a little   
bruised. "Don't act like a girl!"  
  
"Feh!" Ranma snorted dismissively. "After listenin' ta you bitch and moan about the   
bread I think I'm not the one who acts like a girl."  
  
Unseen, Ranko blushed as she wished she had thought of a good comeback like that, but   
due to her curse, she had been a little more sensitive to insults about femininity...  
  
Ryouga purpled with rage and yelled "You still think this is about bread?!"  
  
Ranma shrugged, but still maintained his ready stance. "Well, yeah. I mean all that 'I   
have seen hell!' stuff is pretty vague, so I dunno what you're so pissed off about."  
  
Ryouga clenched his fists angrily, and Ranko felt that if he had learned the Shi Shi   
Hokoudan, he'd be setting himself up for the mother of all perfect attacks, but since he   
didn't know that move, he just attacked with his fists. "As if mere words can convey the   
depths of my suffering!" he roared.  
  
Ranma just dodged his unthinking and angry assault with contemptuous ease. "I dunno,   
maybe if you spent more time thinking instead of chargin' around yelling about hell, you   
could." He replied before weaving inside Ryouga's guard and launching a vicious   
counterattack which swiftly overwhelmed the lost boy.  
  
"Damn you!" Ryouga cried bitterly as his legs gave out and he collapsed at Ranma's feet.  
  
Ranma just looked down at him with a speculative expression and said. "You've   
improved a lot since we went to school together. I don't mind fighting, but stop blaming   
me for all your problems," had Ranma stopped speaking there, he might have made an   
impression on Ryouga which could have led to them becoming friends, but alas he had to   
add "ya big stupid moron." to the end of his statement.  
  
With some difficulty, Ryouga pushed himself up to his knees and glared at Ranma's back   
where he was walking away. "How dare you walk away from me!" The lost boy yelled   
before flinging a mass of inexplicably sharp whirling bandannas at his hated foe before   
collapsing once more.  
  
Ranma easily dodged the projectiles, but then looked in horror to see they were headed   
towards a crowd of students, which included his two fiancees. "Look out!" He cried   
desperately.  
  
Ranko just sighed and moved in front of everybody else to swiftly snatch the bandannas   
out of the air, grabbing them at just the right point to prevent them from slicing up her   
hands.  
  
Ranma gaped at his fiancee in shock. "I barely saw you move! How did you do that?!"  
  
Ranko giggled nervously, not exactly wanting to be seen as a threat or competitor for her   
skills, which she knew would make things between her and Ranma much more difficult.   
"Lots of practice?" She offered hesitantly.  
  
"You have to teach me that!" Ranma asked, a pleading expression on his face. "If I could   
move that fast, the old freak is toast!"  
  
Ranko groaned. Refusing would alienate herself from him, but accepting carried it's own   
risks. Dammit! I don't wanna be like the old ghoul! she protested mentally, even as she   
spoke. "I guess I could give you a few pointers." She said, a sickly smile on her face.  
  
*** 


	10. 18

Ranma 1/2 Belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan  
  
A Not so Simple Wish  
Chapter 18  
by Ebiris  
  
Ranko sat alone in her apartment as she considered Ranma's latest request. On the face of   
it, it was a good thing. He wanted to learn from her, which hopefully meant he'd stop   
making demeaning comments about her ability, and would also give them a chance to   
spend more time together. A win win scenario, right?  
  
Wrong.  
  
Ranko loved martial arts, and therefore she loved learning martial arts. She knew no   
greater thrill than the ecstacy of combat and the joy of mastering a new technique.   
Simple logic dictated that the same would hold true for Ranma. The problem was, that as   
much as she enjoyed learning, she had never really had a good relationship with any of   
her teachers. While she had visited a few dojos and studied under various masters on her   
training trip, none of them had really left much of an impression on her. As far as she was   
concerned there were only a few people who had really taught her anything useful, and   
those few were not her favourite people, mainly due to the harsh training.  
  
First, and most obviously, there was Genma. He had been training her for as long as she   
could remember, and while she might grudgingly admit to loving the old man, it was   
only because he was her pop. His training was nothing short of brutal, and turned a   
loving father/son relationship into an adversarial relationship which barely   
acknowledged that they could tolerate each other. She did not want Ranma thinking of   
her the same way she thought of her father.  
  
Then there was Cologne. The wily old Amazon had only taught her a few moves and   
training exercise, but those were among the most devastating in her arsenal. And while   
Ranko could respect the old ghoul, she sure as hell didn't like her. Cologne's methods   
were actually quite similar to Genma's (a fact which would no doubt horrify the Amazon   
matriarch) in that she challenged to student to do better by insulting them and by   
occasionally giving hints of her full capabilities with the inference that the student would   
one day be capable of that (yes, Genma had done that too, when Ranma was a child, but   
in more recent years had run out of tricks to impress his child).  
  
And just to round things off, Happosai, the grandmaster of Anything Goes himself.   
Ranko actually had two versions of Happosai to compare. From her old life, the letch   
had barely taught her a thing, and his training methods seemed to centre around forcing   
the student to escape, or be beaten on by, a crowd of angry women - which would of   
course improve either speed or endurance depending on what happened. In this reality   
however, he had simply sparred with her and let her examine his martial arts scrolls and   
pressure point charts. He didn't really act like a master, since he pretty much left her to   
her own devices, with no real challenge to learn - of course, Ranko provided that by   
herself.  
  
Sighing huffily, blowing up her bangs in the process, Ranko tried to figure out how to   
approach her training with Ranma, since none of the examples she had to work from   
seemed conductive to romance.  
  
"Okay." she said to herself, trying to work up some determination to come up with a   
solution. "It's speed training. You've done loads of different speed training exercises,   
what one would work best for teaching Ranma without making him hate you?"  
  
First there was the Saotome Anything Goes food duelling. Stealing food from her pop   
while defending her own plate had been a constant throughout her life and had indeed   
given her the incredible speed which was the core of her style. The problem was that   
Ranma had already mastered that, and besides which, it did little to endear yourself to the   
person you are duelling with.  
  
Moving on, the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken was perhaps the most obvious, being the   
first new training she herself had encountered since coming to Nerima. However, the   
name was a misnomer, since the speed had actually come from constantly duelling with   
Cologne, with plucking the chestnuts from the fire being the end result. She had little   
doubt that one *could* improve their speed from constantly attempting that feat, but it   
would likely result in a lot of wasted time waiting for the hands to recover from burns.  
  
Then there was Anything Goes advanced speed training, which involved the trainee   
standing under a hornets nest while the sensei chucks rocks at it. Dodging those hornets   
had done wonders for her all round speed, reflexes and spatial awareness. Ranko decided   
that this method was currently the best, since Ranma would get mad at the hornets, not at   
her... actually, if she was the one chucking the rocks he might not see it that way... "I'll   
have to think about that..." she decided.  
  
The Parlay du Foie Gras? That wouldn't work, since her training for that had hinged on   
the change between male and female while wearing an iron corset.  
  
That about covered all the advanced speed training methods she knew of, beyond simple   
rapid punch drills. "Guess I'll haveta suggest a trainin' trip..." she mused, wondering how   
difficult it would be to actually find some hornet's nests, since it was still early Spring.   
Checking the clock, she decided to start getting ready, since she had been invited to   
dinner at the Saotomes, along with Kasumi, to celebrate Ranma's victory over Ryouga.  
  
***  
  
Ranma grinned as he finished recounting the tale of how he had defeated Ryouga, feeling   
his self worth puff up immeasureably at the starry eyed look of adoration his mother was   
giving him. It made a pleasant change from the vaguely disapproving fretting she did   
after his recent beatings from Happosai.  
  
"Oh, I knew I did the right thing letting your father train you, my son! You truly are a   
man among men!" The Saotome Matriarch gushed exuberantly.  
  
Genma puffed up himself at the vindication of his decision to take the boy away so he   
wouldn't be coddled. while Kasumi smiled with a touch of sadness, feeling the honest   
love and warmth from Nodoka and remembering her own departed mother.  
  
Ranko, on the other hand, looked as if she might burst into tears, and hurriedly excused   
herself to go to the bathroom.  
  
"What's up with her?" Ranma wondered out loud after the redhead had departed.  
  
"Forget about her boy!" Genma said gruffly, giving Ranma a slap on the back. "Your   
real fiancee is right here!" He indicated Kasumi with a sweep of his hand.  
  
"Dearest!" Nodoka said reprovingly at Genma's lack of tact, before giving Ranma a   
gentle look. "I think Ranko-chan misses her own parents, son. She tends to get emotional   
at familial scenes."  
  
"Ranko is an orphan?" Kasumi asked in a horrifed whisper, not having expected that of   
the girl she was supposed to call a rival. She supposed she should have realised   
something like that since Ranko's parents were neither seen nor mentioned at all when   
this whole multiple fiancee thing blew up.  
  
Nodoka nodded sadly. "Yes, I understand it was fairly recent, the poor dear doesn't like   
to talk about it. And neither should we be talking about it when she gets back." She   
finished with a tone indicating the subject was to be dropped. She cleared her throat   
before speaking again in a more business-like tone. "Anyway, Genma, I notice that while   
I have gotten to know Kasumi-chan, and found her to be a lovely young lady - though of   
course, I still like Ranko-chan and leave the choice entirely up to Ranma - I notice that   
you and Ranko-chan have done nothing to get to know one another."  
  
"I don't see why I should." Genma huffed petulantly. "The boy will marry Kasumi here   
to unite the schools. That girl is irrelevant."  
  
"I don't see why I haveta get married at all." Ranma said in a tone which mirrored his   
father's exactly, but he was ignored by all except from a sympathetic glance from   
Kasumi.  
  
"Now, dearest, Ranko-chan could well end up your daughter-in-law, and it wouldn't be   
seemly to have a rift in the family. I suggest that you and she go out and have dinner or   
something some time to really get to know one another. I'm sure if you gave the girl a   
chance you'd get along wonderfully with her, just as I have with Kasumi-chan." Nodoka   
replied casually, although the way she said the word 'suggest' implied it was an order and   
not a suggestion.  
  
Genma was about to respond when he spotted the girl in question walk back into the   
room and seat herself back at her place beside Ranma, opposite Kasumi on his other side.   
"I hope I didn't miss anything." She said cooly. Her posture was stiff and she seemed to   
be taking great care to control her movements.  
  
Ranma felt an involuntary shiver run through him as the girl sat down next to him, and   
wondered why he suddenly felt so cold. Glancing out of the corner of his eye, he noticed   
Ranko was focused intently on the meal, but only seemed to be picking at her food while   
avoiding eye contact with anyone.  
  
Ranma almost sighed, but kept it down since his mother would no doubt remonstrate him   
for being rude. He didn't have a clue what to do about the two girls he was engaged to.   
He liked them both, but he was way too young to consider getting married even if he   
could decide which one would make the better choice.  
  
He had gotten to know Kasumi quite well over the past few days, since she would come   
to his house and walk him to school and they would talk about various things. While on   
the surface she acted like a traditional Japanese housewife (Ranma thought it a crime the   
way the Tendous took her for granted) she did possess a very clever sense of humour -   
perhaps even a bit too clever, since often she would say something in the morning and   
Ranma wouldn't figure out the hidden meaning until halfway through the day. She was   
also very attentive to what he had to say, and didn't look down on him for his lack of   
education as many people did, which was a definite plus.  
  
Ranko... well, were Ranma of a more literary bent he might describe her as a puzzle   
wrapped in an enigma, but being who he was, he'd settle for 'weird'. She certainly wasn't   
weird in a bad way, in fact Ranma found himself almost enthralled by the rapid twists   
and turns of her personality. One minute she could be so self assured and confident that it   
was hard not to see some of himself in her behaviour, then she'd turn into an almost ditzy   
and overemotional little girl. Then there was now, she was showing yet another side of   
her multifaceted personality, a side he barely remembered witnessing when he had first   
been reunited with his mother. Seeing her so melancholoy, so... vulnerable... Ranma   
wanted nothing more than to protect her from the world, to make her smile again. But he   
really didn't know what to do...  
  
Not being able to find a clear winner based on their personalities, Ranma considered their   
appearances. Not that he was so shallow as to make a decision on that, but it was still   
something to think about.  
  
Kasumi carried herself with a demure elegance which he had seen in precious few   
women in his life. Her features were that of a classical Japanese beauty, though she was a   
little taller than average, she was very well built, with smooth skin and supple curves.   
While not a very active person, Kasumi obviously still managed to keep herself in   
excellent shape, with not an ounce of fat except in the right places. Certainly any man   
would be lucky to have a woman like her by his side.  
  
Ranko was perhaps the exact opposite of Kasumi, while still being beautiful in her own   
way. The redhead's looks were both exotic and vibrant, certainly looking out of place   
amongst the typically dark haired Japanese (though he idly noted that his mother's hair   
had a hint of red in it as well, though it was significantly darker than Ranko's fire engine   
red). While Kasumi was tall, Ranko was very short, being over a head smaller than the   
other girl. Her figure was trim and lithe, no doubt from her extensive training in the   
martial arts, with only her breasts looking out of place, seeming too large for her figure.   
Though she was still young enough to have another growth spurt, so that would probably   
be negated in a year or two.  
  
Finishing his little thought exercise, and still being no closer to any kind of decision,   
Ranma returned his attention to conversation around the dinner table just in time to hear   
Nodoka make her suggestion to Ranko that she should get to know her prospective father   
in law, which finally seemed to rouse the girl from her depression.  
  
"I have to spend time with him?!" Ranko exclaimed, pointing at Genma with her   
chopsticks.  
  
"This is no picnic for me, girl." Genma huffed grumpily, seeming rather put out at her   
negative reaction to the prospect.  
  
"Yes." Nodoka said, remaining consciously oblivious to their ire. "It only makes sense,   
since you could become family, that you get to know one another."  
  
Neither Ranko nor Genma were able to come up with any really convincing reason to get   
out of it, so they settled for sulking for the rest of the meal, causing everyone else at the   
table to note just how oddly similar their mannerisms were.  
  
***  
  
It was with no small amount of trepidation that Kasumi entered the Tendou household   
after leaving the Saotomes. While she could optimistically hope that Nabiki had   
managed to order takeout, the harsh reality was that Akane had most likely taken it upon   
herself to cook in Kasumi's absence. Much as she loved her little sister and knew that   
practice was the only way to improve, it really did take a huge effort of will to keep from   
slapping the girl silly every time she desecrated the kitchen with her filth. Especially   
since Akane had a tendancy to lose her temper after cooking and then just leave the mess   
for someone else to clean up. It really was depressing when your family saw you as little   
more than a live in maid...  
  
"Tadaima." She called out before entering the foyer and being greeted by a grinning   
Nabiki.  
  
"Hi, sis." Nabiki said cheerfully with a 'cat who just got the canary' smile on her lips.   
"How was dinner with your fiance and his other fiancee?"  
  
"It was nice." Kasumi said pleasantly. "Auntie Saotome is a great cook. I take it from   
your attitude that you were able to keep Akane out of the kitchen while I was gone?"  
  
"Ah... not exactly..." Nabiki faltered slightly before resuming her happy expression. "But   
for once that's a good thing, since her food was able to weaken the little bastard enough   
for me to get rid of him!"  
  
Kasumi frowned. "Nabiki, that's not very nice."  
  
"He's not very nice!" Nabiki shot back.  
  
"He hasn't done anything bad to me. Maybe you did something to upset him and that's   
why he acts out towards you." Kasumi suggested.  
  
Nabiki threw up her hands in exasparation. "Sis, I barely said three words to him before   
he stole my bra. It wasn't anything I did, he's just pure evil!"  
  
"Those three words wouldn't have been 'Give me money', would they?" Kasumi asked   
dryly.  
  
Nabiki chuckled nervously at her sister. "Eh heh... those weren't my exact words..."  
  
Kasumi sighed. "Whatever. So where's father and Akane, and how exactly did you get   
rid of Happosai-jisan?"  
  
"Daddy went to bed, he's not feeling to well for obvious reasons, and Akane's in the dojo   
breaking bricks and muttering to herself about how no one appreciates her. As to how I   
got rid of the freak, heh, I have to admit it's one of my finer moments. While all those   
martial artists like daddy, Akane and Ranma failed to do anything, a little bit of Nabiki   
Tendou brainpower was able to save the day!" The short haired brunette exclaimed   
proudly. "I stuck him in a box filled with daddy's underwear and mailed it to   
Antarctica!" She beamed at Kasumi, no doubt expecting to be soundly praised for her   
brilliance.  
  
Kasumi blinked. "How could you afford postage to Antarctica?"  
  
"Aha! I'm glad you spotted that Kasumi. Proves I'm not the only one with brains in the   
family." Nabiki snapped her fingers as she spoke. "I didn't put enough stamps on it, but   
for the return address, I used Ranko's apartment, so even if it doesn't get all the way to   
Antarctica, he'll still be out of our hair."  
  
"How very clever of you, Nabiki." Kasumi smiled beatifically at her little sister, pleased   
that Nabiki seemed so chipper for once.  
  
"Heh." Nabiki smugly inspected her nails. "You have to get up pretty early in the   
morning to get past Nabiki Tendou."  
  
"Nabiki, I'm your sister and I know what you're like in the morning." Kasumi remarked   
flatly. "I could sell you to a Thai brothel and you probably wouldn't notice until after   
lunch."  
  
Nabiki jolted slightly and looked at Kasumi with a slightly aghast expression. "Y-you   
wouldn't do that to me though, right?"  
  
Kasumi shook her head and sighed before embracing the other girl in a hug. "Nabiki,   
you're my little sister and I love you. Of course I wouldn't do that to you." Then she   
looked over Nabiki's shoulder and saw the disaster that her kitchen had become It would   
probably take her at least a couple of hours to clean, and more likely than not she'd have   
to buy a few new pots and pans. "Now, Akane on the other hand..."  
  
*** 


	11. 19

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.   
A Not so Simple Wish  
Chapter 19  
by Ebiris  
  
Ranko carefully schooled her features into an expression of neutrality as she surveyed   
her surroundings. A beef bowl shop. And a dirty one at that. Obviously Genma wasn't   
willing to even put the least bit effort into his wife's latest crazy plan, not that she could   
blame him for that. Still, it would have been nice to go someplace at least a little classier.  
  
As the pair made their way to the counter, she did her best to ignore some of the lewd   
suggestions from the less savoury patrons as to what business a young girl such as herself   
would have with a fat middle aged guy like Genma. In truth it was nothing she hadn't   
heard before since getting the curse, but it still bothered her that people could see her that   
way.  
  
They both sat at the counter and were greeted by the greasy haired proprieter of the   
establishment. "What can I get ya?" the man asked, his lips curled in half a sneer while   
he idly rubbed his hands on his apron, which only seemed to get them dirtier.  
  
"I'll have the deluxe combination, with eggs." Genma said after a quick glance at the   
pricing board.  
  
"Er... I'll just have a regular beef bowl," Ranko said, for the first time realising just how   
spoiled she was ever since the training trip had ended. At one time food from a dive like   
this would have been manna from heaven, but ever since living with the Tendous her   
standards had gone up quite a bit.  
  
Wordlessly, the man scooped some beef into a bowl and plopped it down in front of   
Ranko, before assembling a small platter of various meats and giving it to Genma.  
  
"So..." Genma opened the conversation. "You're still set on marrying the boy, eh?"  
  
"Yes." Ranko bobbed her head up and down in agreement.  
  
"What if I told you that he's an arrogant brat with no respect for his long suffering father   
who worked so hard to raise him?" Genma asked, finishing with a theatrical sob at the   
injustice of having such a worthless son.  
  
"Uh... what does that have to do with me?" Ranko asked, his insults against Ranma (and   
by extension her) flowing over her like water off a duck's back since she was quite used   
to tuning out Genma's rants.  
  
Genma blinked in confusion, as if he had somehow expected sympathy for all the   
sacrifices he had made in raising an unappreciative son. "Well, why would you want to   
marry a boy who has no respect for his own father?"  
  
Ranko considered her response. It was incredibly tempting to just start insulting the fat,   
worthless panda, but did she really want to alienate him? Then again, who in the world   
ever really gave a shit what Genma Saotome thought about anything? "Maybe he just   
gives you the respect you deserve," she pointed out innocently, not even bothering to hide   
her smirk.  
  
"If he did then he wouldn't be such a problem," Genma complained, seeming to   
completely miss her point. "Alright then," he gathered himself once more, seeming to   
prepare a different approach. "the boy's scared of cats! Do you really want to marry a   
man who's terrified of a little pussy?"  
  
Ranko flinched at the feline reference, and managed to remain blissfully ignorant of the   
double entendre sailing right over her head. "I don't like cats either," she said in between   
grinding her teeth.  
  
Genma snorted at that. "Even so, do you really want to spend your life with a man who   
panics at the slightest glimpse of a cat? Oh how I am shamed by my cowardly son!" The   
overweight martial artist began wailing at the indignity.  
  
"So. It's not like cats are everywhere," Ranko said, even as she surreptitously glanced   
around in case any felines were hiding in the dark corners of the restaurant, waiting to   
attack the moment she let her guard down. Unconsciously, she shuddered.  
  
Genma sighed, probably having expected her to have given up on his worthless son by   
now. "Time to bring out the big guns..." he whispered, apparently psyching himself up   
before whipping off his bandanna to expose his naked cranium to the world. "He'll be   
bald by the time he's thirty! No Saotome male has ever escaped this horrible curse!"  
  
*That* got a reaction. "You're lying!" Ranko almost yelled, recoiling away from him and   
fingering her scarlet tresses protectively. She still remembered how close she had come to   
going bald from the Dragon's Whisker incident. She didn't give a stuff about the Ranma   
of *this* reality going bald, but it was certainly a fate she wished to avoid herself.  
  
Genma gave her a mournful look as tears streamed down his face. "Would these eyes   
lie?" he asked while pointing to said orbs.  
  
Ranko barely kept herself from responding with an emphatic yes as she tried to calm   
herself down. Future hair loss was the least of her worries, given her current wrong   
gender. Wracking her brain, she tried to recall all the stuff her pop had said in the past to   
excuse his baldness. "Um... isn't baldness a sign of virility?"  
  
He gave her a hooded gaze. "I left my wife for ten years," he said simply, as if that   
explained everything.  
  
Funnily enough it did.  
  
Ranko's innocent naivete could no longer shield her from the harsh facts being thrown at   
her. "No! That's an even worse lie!" she screamed, half hysterical and covering her ears.   
"I can't hear you. I can't hear you!"  
  
A few half-hearted murmers came from the other patrons encouraging her to pipe down,   
but no one seemed to really care.  
  
"Calm down, girl," Genma shook her roughly. "It's not the end of the world, I'm sure you   
can find someone else to marry."  
  
Ranko managed to calm herself just enough to respond in a coherent fashion. "No, no.   
That's alright, after all, I'm sure we can have plenty of children before he loses his hair   
and his... er, y'know..." Her voice held a strange edge to it as she spoke.  
  
Genma let out a great big sigh of frustration, but before he could rally more arguments, a   
shout came from the door. "Hey! That's the guy!"  
  
Both of them turned at the noise to see several men crowding the entryway. Genma   
immediately stiffened, and Ranko took a moment to analyse them before she too   
stiffened.  
  
Each of the men was missing a single finger, and there were subtle bulges in their   
clothing which she recognised as being concealed firearms. They were Yakuza. They   
were pointing at Genma. They did not look happy.  
  
The leader (Ranko identified him as such because he wore the most expensive clothes,   
although the tacky jewellery indicated he probably wasn't very high up in the overall   
chain of command) sauntered over to them while another casually made his way to cover   
the fire escape, leaving three more at the main entrance.  
  
"Well, well, well. I never thought I'd see you again," the leader said to Genma, a shark's   
grin on his face. "Perhaps you'd like to step outside so we can... discuss... the money you   
stole from us." He took a moment to leer at Ranko, his gold tooth glinting harshly in the   
light. "Otherwise things might not go so well for you and your lady companion."  
  
Genma stood to his full height, looming over the Yakuza and looking every inch the   
deadly martial artist he truly was. Gone was the fat buffoon that people were so familiar   
with, and in his place stood the Master of the Saotome School of Anything Goes martial   
arts. A man who knew of over a dozen ways to kill the fool before him with but a single   
strike. A man who could not help but command the fear and respect of those around him.  
  
"I'm sorry! Take the girl, please! Just leave me alone!"  
  
"Hey!" Ranko cried out in surprise at being grabbed and held in front of Genma like a   
human shield.  
  
The Yakuza looked shocked for an instant, then sneered. "I'm not interested in your   
whore, just give us back the money and we won't have to hurt you... too much."  
  
"Whore?" Ranko repeated quietly, a dangerous glint in her eyes. A quick scan of her   
surroundings showed that most of the other customers had cleared out, and the proprieter   
was hiding behind the counter. That meant she could get away with a fair bit of property   
damage, but first she wanted to know exactly what was going on. "What the hell did you   
do, old man?" she asked Genma.  
  
"Well... I had a lot of debts to pay off, and it's not like anyone would mind if I stole from   
criminals..." Genma attempted to explain reasonably.  
  
"Yeah. No one except the criminals you moron!" Ranko replied angrily. "Besides,   
weren't you supposed to be getting a job to bring money in?"  
  
"I did!" Genma protested. "I was working as a watchman at the industrial park when I   
saw them selling drugs. I overheard that they were doing it without the Oyabun's consent,   
so I didn't expect any reprisals from the Yakuza..."  
  
"What Oyabun doesn't know won't hurt him. And it wouldn't have hurt you if you'd kept   
your nose out of our business," the leader snarled.  
  
"Alright then, old man. Take your beating and give them their money back, I don't   
wanna deal with this crap." Ranko turned to face Genma as she spoke.  
  
"I spent it all..." Genma said in a small voice.  
  
"WHAT?!" the leader roared. "How the fuck could you spend two million yen in three   
days?!"  
  
"Well, I had a lot of debts..."  
  
The Yakuza growled before gesturing to his thugs. "Waste the pair of them, boys." The   
sound of guns being readied was clearly audible through the hushed silence after that   
statement.  
  
Ranko gasped and lashed out with a rear kick which snapped the man's leg like a dry   
twig, sending him to the floor howling in agony. In the same movement, she spun round   
and picked up her stool, not even slowing down as the bolts securing it to the floor were   
ripped out, and hurled it at the three thugs at the door. She was gratified to see one end   
crushed the arm of the middle thug, before spinning off and striking a glancing blow on   
the head of the one next to him, rendering him unconscious. The three went down in a   
tangled heap, with the uninjured one struggling to pick himself up from beneath his   
wounded fellows and the stool.  
  
Spotting the last remaining thug was just beginning to raise his gun, Ranko grabbed a   
chopstick from her bowl and flicked it with pinpoint accuracy to jam the barrel.   
Smirking at her own impressiveness, she opened her mouth to gloat, and was quite   
surprised when the gun, instead of exploding in suitably comedic fashion, fired normally   
(albeit preceded by bits of chopstick shrapnel flying everywhere) in her direction.  
  
"You shot me?!" she cried out in surprise, looking at where the sleeve of her blouse was   
torn and a small burn ran across her arm from the bullet's passage. "I can't believe you   
shot me!"  
  
"The next one won't just graze you, bitch!" the thug replied, angry at having his aim   
knocked off by the chopstick. He had been trying to shoot Genma, but since the portly   
martial artist was just cowering there, he decided the girl was the greater threat.   
Unfortunately he was unaware that in forcing the chopstick out in his prior shot, the gun   
barrel had been deformed, which resulted in the cartridge being blown back through the   
gun and exploding all over his hand after he pulled the trigger.  
  
"Yeah! That's what shoulda happened the first time!" Ranko crowed as the final thug   
went down screaming and clutching his bloodied limb.  
  
Of course, now that everything had been dealt with, that was the cue for the police sirens   
to become audible and rapidly louder as law enforcement arrived belatedly to take over.  
  
***  
  
Genma smirked at his own cleverness. While he was sure that he could have dealt with   
those thugs last night by himself, he was grudgingly impressed with the girl's   
performance, and after they had given their statements to the police (leaving out any   
mention of illegal drug money), he had convinced her to go somewhere else to continue   
their 'father - daugher-in-law' bonding. Then he had proceeded to add his sake to her own   
non alcoholic drinks whenever she wasn't looking.  
  
Ranko had a pitiful alcohol tolerance, so it hadn't taken more than three spiked drinks   
before she was more than a little tipsy and then started ordering straight sake for herself.   
After that it had been child's play to convince the sloshed schoolgirl to sign a document   
swearing that she would give up her claims on the boy. Admittedly, her penmanship was   
pretty poor when drunk, and he didn't even know how her name was supposed to be   
spelled anyway, but it was probably okay.  
  
Spotting his wife coming out of the kitchen with breakfast while the boy was currently in   
the garden practicing, he produced the paper and affected a depressed look. "Oh,   
Nodoka, I have bad news..."  
  
"What is it, dearest?" Nodoka asked while dishing out Genma's serving.  
  
"It seems that Ranko girl doesn't want to marry Ranma after all, I even have a signed   
paper saying she'll give up."  
  
Nodoka eyed him distrustfully. "Let me see," she asked in a cold tone.  
  
Genma fought to keep the grin from his face as he handed over the piece of paper. Now   
the schools would be joined for sure!  
  
Nodoka frowned as she scanned it before looking up with a puzzled expression. "It says   
here that Ranma Saotome promises not to marry Ranma Saotome..." she looked at   
Genma curiously. "What on earth does this have to do with anything, dear?"  
  
Genma fought back the tears. The girl was obviously far more cunning than he had given   
her credit for!  
  
***  
  
"Oh... my head..." A thoroughly bedraggled redhead sat up from her bedroll and groaned   
piteously. Staggering out of her bedroom, she poured a glass of water from the kitchen   
sink and drank it, trying to remove the fuzzy feeling all over her tongue. She could   
barely remember anything that had happened last night, the only thing she was certain of   
was the confirmation that her stupid girl body couldn't handle its drink.  
  
Oh, and getting shot. That was certainly one of her less clever moments, since she was   
pretty sure there were plenty of other ways to disable the guy without trying that fancy   
chopstick trick she remembered seeing in a movie once. Still, getting shot hadn't hurt that   
much compared to some of the more dangerous ki attacks she had been hit with, but if   
the bullet had been a foot to the right... she didn't want to think about what could have   
happened...  
  
The next thing she noticed was that her feet were covered in vomit, and there was a trail   
of the stuff all over the floor, terminating at the sink. "Eeww!" She recoiled from the   
sight of her dirty dishes, made even more disgusting by the thick spattering of puke all   
over them.  
  
A knock at the door sent shudders of pain through her head, and she weakly made her   
way over to the door, wondering who would be inconsiderate enough to bother her at this   
ungodly hour when she was feeling so rough.  
  
"You have a package, Xiawang-san," her apartment manager greeted her, struggling   
with a fairly large box.  
  
Ranko glared at him balefully, or at least tried to until she discovered her eyes wouldn't   
focus properly. "Gimme," she mumbled, taking it from him and slamming the door in his   
face. Looking at it, she was surprised to see that it wasn't addressed to her, but hers was   
the return address. Dumbly, she scratched her head and wondered aloud. "When did I   
send something to Antarctica?"  
  
*** 


	12. 20

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan  
  
A Not so Simple Wish  
Chapter 20  
by Ebiris  
  
Ranko curiously eyed her mysterious package. She was getting a strange feeling of   
nameless dread every time she went near it, and it was making her uneasy. Why on Earth   
had she received it anyway? It would have made a bit more sense if it had been addressed   
to her, but it was supposed to be sent to some place called Ice Station Zebra, and she had   
most definitely not sent anything that way. Even if she had, she would have paid full   
postage for it.  
  
"Hmmm..." she stroked her chin in contemplation as she tried to puzzle out this latest   
conundrum in her life. Abruptly, the realisation hit her. "I know!" she exclaimed while   
hitting her palm with a closed fist. "Ranko Xiawang must have sent it before I became   
Ranko Xiawang!" It made sense, since Antarctica was so far away, it would surely take   
more than a month to get there and back, right?  
  
Cheerfully ignoring her misgivings now that she had figured out its origin, she easily   
lifted the top off the box, ripping nails out and scattering them everywhere.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
A box full of men's underwear?  
  
Correction, a box full of *moving* men's underwear.  
  
"Yaah!" Ranko scooted away from the box, now recognising all the signs of demonic   
possession. Sadly, despite her formidable martial arts skils, this was not something she   
was really equipped to handle, even moreso when she was hungover. Grabbing her   
phonebook, she started rifling through the pages to locate the nearest temple, all the   
while keeping a wary eye on the box of cursed underwear, which so far was not making   
any hostile moves...  
  
Suddenly, a tiny wrinkled hand emerged from the depths of the sweaty undergarments,   
prompting Ranko to blanch severely. It had *eaten* someone! This was serious!  
  
Before she could formulate a decent plan for dealing with carnivorous demonic boxer   
shorts, a familiar head followed the hand in emerging. "Air! Sweet fresh air!" the master   
of Anything Goes declared before pausing and looking around. "Ranko-chan? You saved   
me!" He crawled out of the box and leapt onto Ranko's bosom, giving her a heartfelt hug   
(heartfelt for Happosai meaning no groping).  
  
"Gramps?! Wow, kinda ironic that you got eaten by an underwear demon, huh?" the   
redhead noted, making no effort to dislodge him, since it was a genuine hug and not a   
'hentai-mega-glomp'.  
  
"Demon? What are you talking about? It was Nabiki who stuffed me in there!" Happosai   
told her.  
  
Ranko looked surprised. She would never have thought Nabiki would have it in her to   
actually go up against Happosai like that. Normally if there was any risk of danger to   
herself, she'd come up with a plan and then dupe someone else into doing it for her. "How   
did she manage that?"  
  
"Well, it was a team effort. First, Akane poisoned me with some strange toxin not even I   
have encountered before. Then, when I was at my weakest, begging for aid, I was packed   
into that disgusting box." He disengaged himself from Ranko and swayed about, looking   
dizzy. "How long was I in there anyway? It took everything I had to just survive; I   
couldn't sense the passage of time."  
  
"Well, Nabiki has seemed a lot more cheerful at school for the past three days, so I guess   
that's how long you've been in there. She tried to post you to Antarctica..."  
  
Happosai shuddered. "It must be the guiding hand of fate that returned me here! I don't   
want to go back to the Tendou dump, how about we forget why you were mad at me and   
I stay here again?"  
  
Ranko shrugged. "I guess you've been punished enough, and maybe I was a little hard on   
you..." In truth, she had actually started to miss the old letch. Her apartment was a little   
lonely with just herself. "Just remember that next time you beat up Ranma not to bring   
my name into it. It's just an extra complication I don't need."  
  
"Deal." Happosai nodded eagerly before making his way to the cupboard under the sink   
and retrieving a bunch of panties and bras to rub all over his face. "Why is it every time I   
leave the house for a few days you always hide my collection?"  
  
Ranko pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Because this tiny place is cluttered   
enough without having to trip over stolen underwear all the time," she pointed out.  
  
"I did say we could move into a bigger house to have enough room for my collection,   
and maybe you could finally start building up your own...?" he trailed off, a hopeful note   
in his voice.  
  
"I'm not gonna start stealin' other girls underwear!" she said hotly, before adding in a   
quieter voice, "Bad enough I have my own to deal with..."  
  
Happosai looked a little disappointed, but decided not to press the issue. "Oh well,   
maybe once Ranma accepts me as his master he'll start liberating silky darlings with me.   
I do need someone to pass on the higher secrets of Anything Goes onto..."  
  
Ranko refused to rise to the bait, knowing full well that the 'higher secrets' were not   
invincible martial arts techniques, just different ways of stealing underwear. "Speaking   
of Ranma, he wants me to train him to improve his speed so he can defeat you."  
  
"Pshaw!" Happosai snorted dismissively. "It'll take more than being faster for that young   
pup to beat this old dog. You're already faster, stronger and more skilled than him and   
you can't beat me."  
  
Ranko gave him a half hearted glare. "If I weren't so hung over I'd kick your ass, old   
man."  
  
Happosai gave her a condescending look. "You might be hung over, but I've never been   
as weak as this for years. Now you have to ask yourself, does your tiny little   
disadvantage carry enough weight to cancel out my huge disadvantage? Part of martial   
arts is about making these judgements before a fight."  
  
"You lookin' for a beatin', Gramps?" Ranko balled a fist and waved it threateningly at   
him.  
  
"If you can beat me, I'll teach you a powerful chi attack!" the old man chortled as he   
hopped onto the window ledge.  
  
Ranko didn't need to hear anything else as she lifted a leg to rinse it under the sink tap,   
before repeating the process with the other to cleanse them of vomit. Then she darted into   
her room to change out of her Doraemon pajamas and emerge a moment later dressed in   
her fighting clothes. "Let's take this outside," she smirked coolly. The adrenaline rush   
brought on by the prospect of a new technique was already flushing her system and   
removing the effects of last night's drinking binge.  
  
***  
  
School went by fairly quickly for Ranko that day. Mainly because she slept right through   
it.  
  
Abruptly, her head snapped up from her desk, startling several of the students around   
her. Two seconds later, the chime announcing lunchtime sounded. For a moment she   
looked pleased with herself, glad that her biological clock was on time, but her   
expression quickly changed to frustration as she recalled that she hadn't packed a lunch   
today. She hadn't even felt like going to school at all, but decided at the last minute to go   
since she'd missed most of last week. Besides which, she didn't really want to spend the   
day with Happosai after recieving such a savage beating from him that morning. It   
seemed like being weakened only made the little pervert stop pulling his punches...  
  
"Hey, Ranko." a nudge from the desk next to her alerted her to Ranma's presence. "You   
alright? You've been sleeping all day," he said that with a slight note of envy in his voice.   
"Did things go okay last night? Pop was actin' kinda funny this morning..."  
  
Ranko focused her attention on him as she considered her response. "I can't really   
remember much of last night. The old man got me so drunk I don't know what   
happened." She considered mentioning being shot in order to play on his sympathies, but   
considering she had only been shot as a result of a stupid mistake, she really didn't want   
to advertise that fact...  
  
Any response from Ranma was interrupted by Nabiki Tendou running into the room and   
waving a newspaper. Her attention swiftly gravitated to the redhead by the window and   
she approached. "Ranko-san! Is this article true?"  
  
Article? In a newspaper? Ranko suddenly developed a horrible sinking feeling. Had she   
done something newsworthy while drunk last night? A brief vision of herself charging   
naked through Tokyo while shooting off Mouko Takabishas and Hiryu Shouten Has   
every which way flashed before her eyes. With some effort, she shook it off. "I think I'd   
remember doin' *that*," she whispered before looking up at Nabiki. "What article?"  
  
"It says you crippled two guys, injured two others, and got shot. Last night."  
  
Ranko sighed in relief. At least she remembered this. "Ah, the Yakuza. Yeah, they were   
making trouble, so I took them down."  
  
"You were shot?!" Ranma cried out in a panicky voice before examining her more   
closely. "Where?"  
  
"It only grazed me," Ranko mumbled while blushing severely. She rolled up her sleeve to   
show the fading pink line from the bullet's passage over her skin. "Wouldn'ta hit me at all   
if I hadn't been tryin' ta show off..."  
  
"No way that's from last night. It's almost completely faded." said Sayuri, who had   
shown up along with a bunch of other students around Ranko's desk after hearing Nabiki   
describe the article.  
  
"Whoo! Show us some more skin!" yelled one foolish boy, who had already forgotten the   
part of the article which said the cute redhead in front of him had crippled two men.  
  
"I'm a martial artist. We heal fast," Ranko said, focusing entirely on Sayuri even as she   
absently applied a pain hold to the wrist of the unfortunate boy who had last spoken,   
letting go after only a few seconds, but still enough to bring tears to his eyes.  
  
"You crippled two people last night! What kind of martial artist does that?" Akane yelled   
incredulously from across the classroom, having remained in her seat even as everyone   
else had crowded around Ranko.  
  
"They were Yakuza, Akane. They had guns and were just about to use them," Ranko   
replied calmly. "In that kind of situation it's best to take them down hard and fast, not   
worry about being gentle."  
  
"Wow! It says here one guy had his hand blown off!" Hiroshi exclaimed over Nabiki's   
shoulder.  
  
"It wasn't blown off!" Ranko said in an exasparated tone. "His gun exploded and   
bloodied him up a bit, but his hand was still attached last I saw. It should have exploded   
straight away, but only did after the gun fired once..." she indicated her grazed arm and   
gave a self disparaging snort.  
  
"Why would the gun explode?" asked a slightly subdued Nabiki.  
  
"Because I threw a chopstick into the barrel. I saw it in a movie once, but it didn't work   
like in the movie..." Ranko explained shamefacedly.  
  
"I'll say!" Ranma said condescendingly. "There's a million better ways to disarm a guy   
than tryin' some fancy pants trick like that."  
  
"I know... it was a dumb thing to do, I just got too cocky." Ranko replied quietly.  
  
"No way you could throw a chopstick to accurately go down a gun barrel!" Yuka   
exclaimed doubtfully.  
  
Ranko cocked an eyebrow at her and picked up her pencil. "See that mechanical pencil   
sharpener on the teachers' desk?" Yuka nodded, and Ranko proceeded to flick her pencil   
so it landed firmly wedged inside the device.  
  
Most of the students made suitably impressed noises, though both Ranma and Akane   
were heard to remark in stereo "I could do that."  
  
Challenged to prove it by their dubious classmates, Ranma just shrugged and repeated   
Ranko's feat, splitting her pencil down the middle as his own became stuck in the pencil   
sharpener, which earned him an approving grin from the redhead in the seat next to his.  
  
Then Akane haughtily rose from her seat and made her way to stand between Ranko and   
Ranma to get a clear shot at the teacher's desk. "Now watch this!" she said, before   
emitting a wordless battle-cry and hurling her pencil with all her might, which flew   
nearly two feet above the pencil sharpener and embedded itself halfway into the   
blackboard.  
  
Akane blushed and mumbled something unintelligible as she slunk back to her seat   
amidst the laughter of her classmates.  
  
Seeing this, Ranko felt a pang of sympathy for the girl who had never been her fiancee in   
this life. Standing up, she made her way over to Akane's desk and coughed to get the   
brooding girl's attention.  
  
"What do *you* want?" Akane asked acidly, only doing a passable job of covering her   
depression with anger.  
  
Ranko fidgeted slightly. Akane was only fun to tease because she reacted in such an over   
the top manner, but the Akane in this world seemed to be becoming more and more   
depressed and withdrawn with each passing day. It sucked the fun right out of the   
exercise to see Akane was really hurting rather than just blowing off steam. "Ah... it's not   
that hard, really. I could probably teach you how to do it over lunch...?"  
  
"Why would you help me?" Akane queried. Her tone had softened, but there was definite   
mistrust in her voice.  
  
Right, no one ever does somethin' for nuthin', Ranko thought, remembering all the times   
she had been screwed over by a 'free' gift from someone with an agenda. "Well..." she   
drew the word out while twirling her toes on the ground and adopting a cute expression.   
"It just so happens that I forgot to make my lunch this morning, and everyone knows   
what a great bento your big sister packs..."  
  
"So you just want to steal my lunch, is that it?"  
  
Ranko fought to keep her tone light and friendly. "Look, I was just thinking that maybe I   
could do something nice for you. We don't have to hate each other, Akane," there was a   
faint note of pleading in her voice as she finished.  
  
Akane frowned as she seemed to be considering Ranko's words. "You're not just   
pretending to be nice so you can make fun of me?"  
  
Ranko paused. Akane seemed so vulnerable it was almost painful to watch. What had   
happened to her fiery, uncute tomboy who didn't take any crap? She wanted Akane back   
to her old self, so she could tease her without feeling guilty, but she wasn't planning on   
making fun of Akane in the immediate future. "No, I'm not," she said simply, giving a   
mental promise not to taunt Akane at all... at least for the rest of the day.  
  
Akane looked thoughtful for a moment before taking out her lunchbox and pushing it   
halfway across the desk towards Ranko. "Then I guess you can show me how to do your   
stupid throwing trick. Not that I really care."  
  
Ranko's face lit up in a brilliant smile as she started to explain what Akane had been   
doing wrong with her throw, and guiding Akane through the motions of how to do it   
properly. Akane, for her part, seemed rather unenthusiastic at first, though Ranko's   
cheerfulness seemed to be infectious, and pretty soon Akane was smiling genuinely as   
she and Ranko tossed various small objects around the classroom with uncanny   
accuracy.  
  
Ranma blinked in confusion at the scene the pair presented. "I thought those two hated   
each other?" he asked.  
  
"I thought that too," Nabiki said as she studied them. Akane had been building up a lot   
of anger towards Ranko in recent weeks, yet there was no sign of it here. Either Akane   
was a better actress than Nabiki had given her credit for, or there was something deeper   
going on. Also, there was something... off... in the way Ranko was behaving with Akane   
right now. Nabiki couldn't quite put her finger on what it was, but it was nagging at the   
back of her mind.  
  
Ranma looked up at Nabiki, who had apparently spaced out, and sighed. "I'll never   
understand girls."  
  
*** 


	13. 21

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan.   
A Not so Simple Wish  
by Ebiris (danielmcdonagh@hotmail.com)  
  
Chapter 21  
  
"This looks like a good spot to set camp." Ranko turned to her companions as they   
entered a cosy little clearing in the forest.  
  
Ranma looked around and nodded silently, while the third member of their party spoke   
up   
  
"Oh yes, this is a lovely spot!" Kasumi agreed, twirling around to take in the view before   
dropping her backpack and sitting on a large rock. A small chipmunk descended from   
the branches to alight on her outstretched hand in a sickeningly cute display as a   
sunbeam seemed to penetrate the canopy just to illuminate her with it's heavenly   
radiance.  
  
After shaking herself out of admiring the eldest Tendou sister, Ranko grimaced. She had   
chosen not to protest when Soun and Genma had insisted that Kasumi accompany   
Ranma and her on their training trip, but now she was starting to have second thoughts.  
  
While she wasn't tired in the least from their hike up the mountain, Ranko was still rather   
dirty and smelly, she and Ranma both wearing their martial arts dogi, which looked to   
have seen better days. Kasumi, on the other hand, looked as fresh and pristine as she had   
upon leaving the train station, dressed in khaki shorts and vest, set off with a wide   
brimmed floppy hat and looking all for the world as if she were simply enjoying a   
pleasant stroll in the park.  
  
"It's been such a long time since I went camping. I was actually surprised when father   
said I could come along with you." Kasumi surprised Ranko by favouring both her and   
Ranma with a warm smile.  
  
"Huh? He seemed pretty gung ho about the idea ta me," Ranma replied.  
  
"Yes, it was rather odd, since he wouldn't even let me go on the school camping trip   
when I was at Furinkan."  
  
"Why not?" Ranko asked, being drawn into the discussion.  
  
Kasumi sighed wistfully. "Well, we used to go camping as a family quite often when I   
was younger... it was always so much fun to sleep under the stars, even if Nabiki never   
stopped complaining about the bugs trying to eat her or how she missed her cartoons... I   
always thought it was a wonderful experience to be so close to nature, even if just for a   
few days." Kasumi frowned slightly and her expression became pensive. "I think I was   
seven when we went on our last camping trip. We were near the Higo forest in an area   
called... um... something-zawa..."  
  
"Ryuugenzawa," Ranko put in, having figured out where this story was going.  
  
"Yes, that's it." Kasumi nodded gratefully. "Have you been there?" Ranko nodded, but   
chose not to elaborate, instead prompting Kasumi to continue her story. "Anyway, it was   
a long time ago, but I recall Akane managed to get herself lost in the forest. She did come   
out unharmed, but after that, father decided that camping was too dangerous for us. Such   
a pity, I really loved camping, but father always was prone to overreact to little things..."  
  
"Yeah, your old man is a bit high strung," Ranma said before giving Kasumi a nervous   
look and adding, "uh... no offence."  
  
Kasumi smiled beatifically. "None taken, Ranma-kun."  
  
"Anyway," Ranko said in an attempt to change the subject, "I guess we should put up our   
tents. Sleeping under the stars is nice, but with all these clouds I think it'll rain tonight.   
We'll probably have enough light to set up camp; we can start your training tomorrow,   
Ranma."  
  
All three teenagers went into their backpacks and started retrieving camping supplies,   
only to stop when Kasumi gave a small gasp of alarm.  
  
"What is it?" Ranma went over to see what was wrong.  
  
"Someone has cut up my tent!"  
  
***  
  
"Boy, it sure was a good idea to make Kasumi go along on that training trip before the   
other girl could get her claws into Ranma, eh Tendou-kun?"  
  
"I don't know, Saotome-kun. It seems like Ranko and Ranma will spend all their time   
training together and leave my poor baby all by herself!"  
  
"Not to worry, old friend, I've taken care of it! Even if my ungrateful boy and that too-  
cunning-for-my-own-good girl spend time training in the day, Kasumi will have Ranma   
all to herself in the night. I've seen to that."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Well, when they discover that Kasumi's tent has suffered an unforunate accident, my   
boy will volunteer to let her share his. And then nature will take its course."  
  
"Oh, my darling Kasumi will finally become a woman! We can hold the wedding when   
they get back! You're a genius, Saotome-kun!"  
  
"Quite so, Tendou-kun, quite so. Oh, I believe it's your round?"  
  
***  
  
Ranko observed the jagged rows of cuts down the fabric of Kasumi's tent. Carefully   
examining the rips, she saw all the evidence that was needed. "Panda fur," she   
pronounced as her judgement.  
  
"You mean Pop did this?" Ranma demanded angrily. "What the hell for?"  
  
Ranko looked between Ranma and Kasumi with a half hidden smirk. "Gee, I wonder.   
Anyway, Kasumi, you can have my tent and I'll just sleep out here tonight."  
  
"You can't sleep outside! Kasumi can have my tent and I'll sleep outside!" Ranma put in   
quickly, after all, it was the man's place to make such sacrifices.  
  
"Oh, there's no need for any of that, you two," Kasumi remonstrated them gently.   
"Ranko's tent looks easily large enough for us both to share. No one has to sleep outside   
tonight, and it'll be like a slumber party for us girls!"  
  
Ranma nodded, seeing nothing wrong in the two girls sleeping in the same tent, but   
Ranko jolted as if she had been hit with a cattle prod. "Sh-share? Uh, no! Really!" she   
started waving her hands franticly in a negative gesture. "It's fine, really! I've slept   
outside in far worse conditions than this, so don't worry about it!" Intellectually, she   
knew there was no chance of anything untoward happening between herself and Kasumi,   
but somehow this situation seemed like it was teetering over the precipice of a slippery   
slope to disaster. Heck, most of the time nothing untoward ever happened with her and   
any other girl, but that didn't stop everyone from drawing the worst possible conclusions.  
  
"Well if you sleep outside then so will I," Kasumi declared with an air of finality that she   
had used to end more than one sibling squabble involving Akane and Nabiki.  
  
With a heavy sinking feeling in her heart, Ranko agreed.  
  
***  
  
"Oh crap! That's too much salt!" Nabiki groaned at the large pile of white salt crystals   
that were slowly dissolving in her simmering stew. She had begged Kasumi not to leave,   
but it was to no avail, and so the middle Tendou was stuck doing the cooking for her   
remaining family.   
  
It could have been worse. Nabiki had fully expected Akane to volunteer for cooking   
duties, but her little sister was acting rather moody today and chose not to share her   
culinary skills with everyone else. Soun had fully expected Akane to cook and had made   
himself scarce right after Kasumi left the house, leaving just the two youngest daughters   
in residence.  
  
Scooping up as much of the salt as she could before it dissolved, Nabiki emptied it in the   
sink before pouring a little water in the pot, hoping it would weaken the salty taste, but   
forgetting it would also weaken the taste of everything else in the stew.  
  
Nabiki considered adding some pepper at this point, but decided that she was starting to   
fall into Akane's pattern of relentlessly spicing up simple recipes; and if she started that,   
she would soon be adding soap crystals and rat poison. Giving the pot one last vigorous   
stir, she took it through to the family room and set it on the table. "Dinner is served."  
  
Akane scooped some onto her plate in a painfully lethargic manner, and started eating,   
chewing with interminable slowness. After eventually swallowing, she pronounced   
judgement. "I miss Kasumi."  
  
"You and me both. What are we gonna do when she moves out for real?" Nabiki asked   
miserably.  
  
"We could be her pathetic mooching sisters who visit every day at dinnertime to   
scrounge up a free meal?" Akane offered.  
  
Nabiki sighed. "Sounds like a plan."  
  
The pair ate in silence for several moments before Nabiki spoke up in a conversational   
tone. "I heard you dropped by Dr. Tofu's today. You don't look hurt..."  
  
Alane's chopsticks snapped in her suddenly much tighter grip. "Don't talk to me about   
that... that idiot!"  
  
"Ah, so my little sister has been disillusioned over her first crush. How's it feel?" Nabiki   
smirked cruelly, thinking it was far before time that Akane gave up on the good doctor.  
  
Akane growled angrily. "I can't believe I used to respect him. He's just as stupid as those   
boys at school. In fact, that's an insult to boys everywhere!" Akane's voice was starting to   
rise sharply. "He's the most moronic imbecile to ever walk the earth!"  
  
Nabiki chuckled at Akane's theatrics. "Come on, what happened? Tell big sis all about   
it," she cajoled.  
  
"He just refuses to accept reality. I've told him about Kasumi's engagement hundreds of   
times, but he always just goes a little nuts and then acts like he never heard anything. I've   
tried writing notes, but he always shreds them into little bits then pretends he never read   
them. At least I hope he's pretending; I'd hate to think my doctor was that delusional."   
She wrung her hands in exasparation. "I just can't deal with his nonsense anymore."  
  
Nabiki quirked an eyebrow at that. She hadn't visited Tofu's clinic in a while, but she   
thought he at least knew Kasumi was now off the market. "Oh well, now that you've seen   
there's no such thing as the perfect man, maybe you'll relax your standards a bit? Plenty   
more fish in the sea, as they say."  
  
"Name one," Akane challenged flatly.  
  
"Er..." Nabiki floundered at that one. There was a shortage of decent guys in Nerima, it   
seemed. "Um... I guess Ranma isn't that bad, in a kinda clueless way..."  
  
Akane stared at Nabiki incredulously. "He's a two timing jerk and is engaged to our   
sister. Any other great recommendations? Perhaps someone who is better than 'not bad in   
a kinda clueless way'?"  
  
"Uh... there's a lot more to the world than Nerima, I'm sure you'll find someone. Heh..."  
  
Akane didn't look convinced.  
  
***  
  
Ranko tried to keep from blushing at the close proximity she was in with Kasumi. Even   
though they both had their separate sleeping bags, their faces were barely more than a   
foot apart as they lay in her tent.  
  
"So what will you and Ranma be doing tomorrow to train?" Kasumi asked.  
  
"Well, I'll have Ranma stand under a hornet's nest while I chuck rocks at it. Dodging   
them will improve his speed a lot."  
  
Kasumi opened her mouth in a little 'o' and stared at Ranko for a minute before speaking.   
"Isn't that a little... harsh?"  
  
Ranko waved off her concerns. "If I could do it, so can he."  
  
"If you're sure..." Kasumi replied dubiously.  
  
The pair lay in silence for a few more minutes as Ranko brooded. She hadn't thought   
Kasumi was any serious competition, really, but seeing the way Ranma and the eldest   
Tendou sister interacted, it was obvious that they had far more chemistry than she had   
ever had with her own Kasumi.  
  
It was strange, really, to see Kasumi was so much more lively and... happy than she   
remembered. Kasumi had never seemed depressed, but the difference was plain to see. If   
it wasn't for Ranko, would Kasumi and Ranma already be on their way to getting   
married? Or if she hadn't been cursed, would she have been married to Kasumi?  
  
It was starting to make her head hurt. She had never expected it would be so hard to   
make Ranma fall in love with her. Everyone else seemed to fall in love at the drop of a   
hat. Kodachi, Kuno, Ryouga, Shampoo, Ukyo... all of them fell in love almost instantly.   
It seemed everyone she knew was like that... at least, everyone except from Akane.  
  
She was really starting to miss that uncute tomboy. She hadn't really cared about the   
harm she was doing to the Akane in this world, but with no end to this trial in sight, she   
had felt compelled to try and mend fences with this Akane, even if she would never be   
anything like Ranko's own fiancee Akane.  
  
It was probably a mistake. Yet another chain holding her to this identity as 'Ranko   
Xiawang' which would make it harder to leave this life behind. If she ever did at the rate   
it was taking for Ranma to fall in love with her...  
  
"Ranko, are you still awake?"  
  
"Yes, what is it?" Ranko propped her head up a bit to look at her companion.  
  
"Well, I was just thinking... are we friends?" Kasumi's voice sounded surprisingly   
hesitant.  
  
Ranko blinked. "What kinda question is that?" she asked in surprise.  
  
Kasumi bunched up the lip of her sleeping bag in her hands. "Well, we are rivals for the   
same man, and normally that makes people enemies... but I think you're a nice person,   
and we don't seem to be fighting like enemies should..."  
  
Ranko averted her eyes. She wasn't a nice person. She'd done a lot of things she was   
ashamed of in her life, and this mission to manipulate Ranma into loving her was   
probably one of the worst. She was resolute in doing it, but it felt less and less good with   
each passing day. Being called 'nice' by Kasumi only made her feel even lower. "I'd like   
it if we were friends, Kasumi," she said at length.  
  
Kasumi sighed in relief. "I'm glad to hear that. I've never had a real enemy before, I   
wouldn't know what to do," she said before giving a small giggle.  
  
Ranko managed a wan smile. It was odd, but she couldn't recall ever hearing Kasumi   
laugh like that. She had a nice laugh, and Ranko found herself wishing she could hear it   
more often. Feeling some of the tension dissipate, Ranko decided to try and find out the   
answer to something she had been wondering about for a while. "Kasumi, what made   
you decide to accept the engagement with Ranma?"  
  
The other girl chewed her lip and looked thoughtful for a second before answering.   
"Well, one of us had to accept it, but I suppose that isn't much of an answer. I could have   
easily refused and put the engagement onto one of my sisters and no one would have   
thought less of me. I suppose the main reason is that I'm lonely; I haven't had a date since   
junior high, and those were all disasters."  
  
"So you didn't really care what he was like?" Ranko asked, her voice was slightly   
strained, but only someone who knew her well would have noticed.  
  
"Not exactly. I didn't really have time to find out much about him before I accepted,   
remember. Still, from my first impression he seemed nice enough, maybe a little rough   
around the edges, but that's hardly a glaring flaw. I suppose if he'd been some sort of   
freak or something I would have dumped him off on Akane. It would have been funny to   
see her try to deal with an arranged marriage, especially to someone she couldn't stand."   
Kasumi giggled again and gave Ranko a mischievous little smile, as if she was feeling   
rather naughty at sharing that with her new friend.  
  
Ranko suddenly wished she hadn't asked. She had always known Kasumi and Nabiki   
had passed her off onto Akane because she was a worthless transgender freak, but   
somehow that knowledge didn't compare with actually hearing the confirmation from   
Kasumi herself that was like a crushing blow. She felt hot salty tears starting to collect on   
her eyes, and desperately tried to blink them away. When that failed, she rolled over to   
face away from Kasumi so she wouldn't see her shameful crying.  
  
She was a horrible, manipulative person, and even sweet, gentle Kasumi thought she was   
a freak.  
  
Kasumi stared at the cascading waves of red hair which now occupied her vision instead   
of the cute and expressive face of the younger girl she had been talking to. "Ranko, are   
you alright?" she asked worriedly.  
  
"I'm just tired. I'm going to sleep," came the choked reply.  
  
Kasumi didn't buy it, but had no idea what she had said that had upset Ranko so much,   
so instead she simply lay there, wondering what had went wrong while Ranko feigned   
sleep and struggled to deal with her ever-growing self-loathing.  
  
It was a long time before either of them went to sleep that night.  
  
*** 


End file.
